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Overall Rating
2.91

Awesome: 25.45%
Worth A Look: 21.82%
Just Average: 3.64%
Pretty Crappy: 16.36%
Sucks32.73%

5 reviews, 25 user ratings


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Out Cold (2001)
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by Hawkboy

"Where's the soul? Where's the heart? Where's the tits?"
1 stars

Because I'm sure they thought we wouldn't mind the lack of nudity.

Call me shallow if you must, but if we're going to see a movie that's OBVIOUSLY patterned off the skin flicks of the 80's, isn't it necessary to show some skin? Were they under the impression that we wanted a lame Casablanca rip-off with some scattered snowboarding footage?

"No!", we said. "Take your bazooms away! Give us more scenes with Jason London!"

There's a mean guy and he wants to shut down the ski hill and bring in his snooty rich friends. The good guys fight back. There. There's your plot summary.

Jean-Luc Godard once said that the best way to criticize a movie is by making a movie yourself. Unfortunately for the makers of "Out Cold", they made this movie 20 years ago. It's called "H.O.T.S". It featured ample nudity, crazy pranks, and Danny Bonaduce. It's everything this movie wanted to be, but wasn't brave enough to try.

I'm going to get serious here for a bit now. Hold on. I'll talk some more about "H.O.T.S." in a few minutes.

This is a stupid genre to begin with. It really died out in the early 80's, and isn't exactly remembered fondly. I don't know what the makers of "Out Cold" were attempting here, making a PG version of all those old movies that really existed solely to show Playboy Playmates trying to act, while showing their true talents to satisfy the people who were attending. They made their real money on video, where the horny teenagers could pause the movie at the good parts. They existed for one sole reason, and this movie ignores that reason.

Those old movies knew what they were, and they existed within their confines. They didn't try to be something they weren't. This movie wants to be like them, but doesn't have the courage behind its convictions. It's like a hooker who'll only let you get to second base.

And there aren't really any good pranks, for God's sake. Even the lowest dregs of the skin flick genre had at least one scene where the snooty folks are humiliated and/or depantsed. This has nothing. A couple pranks on the drunken guy who passes out, and they're both in the commercials.

Depressing. Just depressing.

P.S. Rent "H.O.T.S.". The topless football game alone is better than this movie. It's also better than "American Beauty", but I took that review down already.

I'm impressed I was able to make a Jean-Luc Godard reference in a review for "Out Cold".

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=5638&reviewer=27
originally posted: 12/05/01 00:12:59
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User Comments

4/27/13 bigfoot ha. the review by this guy is pathetic. as are most reviews by shitty critics on this movie 5 stars
12/30/10 Shawn Oliver Funniest movie of all time! The Hangover can't compete. 5 stars
11/11/10 Lundon if you like Zach Galifianakis check this movie out funnier than the rip off The hangover 4 stars
8/26/07 William Goss Casablanca on the slopes earns an chuckle here and there, ends soon enough. 3 stars
8/10/05 ES Yet another movie where the trailer shows all the best parts leaving nothing for the movie 3 stars
7/15/05 Jeff Anderson Enjoyable dumb fun & hilarious. Caroline Dhavernas is a HOTTIE! 5 stars
6/11/05 popsicle i laffed thru the whole thing 5 stars
11/15/04 Dooragz This movie is bad. Save the rental fee for a lift ticket. 2 stars
9/18/04 Gray nothing great but fun! :) 4 stars
6/01/04 Ryan I have watched this movie every day for weeks straight...literally...it is hilarious!!!!!!! 5 stars
11/12/03 The Quirkfetch Kid Time to abolish the Razzies, since this didn't win any. 1 stars
9/17/03 Samuel Justus funnier than most! 4 stars
8/11/03 The Savage I would rather cut my dick off with a rusty knife then watch this peice of shit again 1 stars
3/16/03 Zaharin Hamid aka The Movie Samseng I love this movie. So it isn't rude. So what? It's a feel-good movie. 5 stars
5/28/02 The Bomb 69 dumb but funny, a poor man's Zucker/Abrams film 4 stars
12/05/01 Shane Lewis It's fucking awsome. 5 stars
12/04/01 Mr Math It gave me mild wood. But that's only worth an extra star. 2 stars
12/04/01 ron20003 Baddddd, So bad it didn't make any sense 1 stars
11/30/01 Galefianakis Likable junk. Beard guy was funny, the blonde girl pretty, & the movie was dumb, but cool 4 stars
11/28/01 Manny Loved it 5 stars
11/27/01 Brian Oh good, Caddyshack's been remade again... 1 stars
11/27/01 Andrew Carden B-O-R-I-N-G! Just Totally Mindless and Unfunny Rehash Of Teen 80's Sex Films. 1 stars
11/27/01 Senor Pescolido Saw it at a $3 matinee, and it was really not good value for money. Pretty dumb all round. 2 stars
11/26/01 CoffeeVixen some sweet moves and humor 4 stars
11/25/01 Boomshanka King, great review but that rating is a heresy. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  21-Nov-2001 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  01-Aug-2002


Directed by
  Brendan Malloy
  Emmett Malloy

Written by
  Jon Zack

Cast
  Jason London
  Brett Kelly
  A.J. Cook
  David Denman
  Caroline Dhavernas
  Lee Majors



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