I don’t know I just felt like reviewing this little shit debacle. A friend of mine brought a couple of movies, which were crap, and this little stinker was one of them. This film is a clear example of why Chuck Norris and his agent have to be one of the stupidest fuckheads ever.The skinner: Chuck Norris is Texas Sheriff Dan Stevens (Pretty much a Walker prelude) who checks out a disturbance that turns into a murder. During the ensuing arrest, the killer, John Kirby (Brian Libby) gets shot and killed. But then three stupid doctors, led by Dr. Philip Spires (Steven Keats), operate on John and bring him back to life using a formula that the three doctors made and the killer is made indestructible (you may want to start laughing by know). Dr. Tom Halman (Ron Silver) tries to terminate the killer, since John’s indestructible, he and his wife end up dead instead. After the two remaining doctors are killed, John goes after Dr. Halman's sister Alison (Tony Kalem), and it's up to Sheriff Dan Stevens to stop him. And he has to because Alison is Steven’s lover.
"A Silent Rage Of Laughter"
The plot I had to dig it out of IMDb, since I didn’t want to waste any brain cells trying to figure that shitter out. My friend and I were laughing all over this film, since it’s so bad… hell, you know how most Chuck Norris’ movies are: Paper-thin plots, lame acting, and high martial-arts kicks. But this time, this is Norris trying to do horror, and yeah, he sure tries.
So was this film scary? Yeah, it’s scary enough to make you laugh your ass off. The horror scenes were so bland, and so poorly made it was goofy, and with those crappy FX, it doesn’t help a lot either. Brian Libby as the killer John Kirby, was scary too, with a face and acting that you could swear that he’s a blatant rip-off of Bob Geldof in Pink Floyd: The Wall. The classic scenes of him are at the beginning, when he starts hell in the house killing people off. The blood on that guy sure looked more like red paint than blood to me. So-called director Michael Miller sure does know how to build a suspenseful atmosphere as fucky as this one, that he’ll go on to direct a load of nowhere films after this one.
Did it have good action? Only your usual “Norris kicking trailer trash out” parts, which were for most of the time, are stupid and uninteresting. I mean, watching Norris fight off some drunken fucks is like watching WWF Royal Rumble, since it’s funny because it’s ridiculous. There’s no point in watching a martial arts fight if its more stupid than thrilling. Of course, how could I forget, just like in almost every movie that Norris has done, there’s the usual T&A shot courtesy of Toni Kalem, who looks pretty hot in the movie, but doesn’t add up to anything else.
Was there a good plot? Incredible, I have never seen such a masterstroke full of plotholes that fuck up every single scene. Especially in the part where they turn Kirby indestructible, and the consequences that it brings. Again this film just rips off Frankenstein like hell, and instead of admiring the horror they created, I ended up laughing at the stupidity of that scene. “Oh yeah, we made history, we made a killing machine that can kill people, including me, hooray.” BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The ending was such a groaner, and thank God they never did a sequel. I was surprised how many people liked this film, which is a certified B-movie; my best solution is to think that they’re fans of bad movies, since I swear, this film deserves to be thrown into the shitstorm forever. Congratulations Joseph Fraley, you’ve been sentenced to screenwriter Hell.
How bad is the acting? Don’t even mention it. Chuck Norris can’t act; he’s just fists and kicks, nothing more. Hell, he’s been playing that same role for many years now, proof that he’s just as one-sided and as blank as Steven Seagal. Brian Libby is just moans and groans, and IS a Bob Geldof rip-off. Toni Kalem is just tits and ass. Ron Silver was the only one into this film, and I’m pretty sure that he’s one of the people (me included) that want to see this embarrassment disappear forever.In the end, would you recommend it? No chance in Hell, unless you’re a fan of bad film, or you’re one of those people that want to re-live Mystery Science Theater. This movie fails in every single way, that it deserves to be called “a piece of shit” than a horror film. You want horror? Rent The Exorcist, The Omen, or Halloween, and whenever you see this film in a rental store, do yourself a favor, grab the tape and smash it into a thousand pieces, you’ll save everyone from a painful experience that doesn’t have anything to do with the word “Horror.” (0.5-5)
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originally posted: 02/12/02 01:02:29