"Do the words 'big budget cirlce jerk' mean anything to you?"
Nic Cage can take his fucking Oscar and shove it up his ass. I don't give a fuck and it don't matter to Jesus, cause Nic Cage I will fuck you in the ass. I mean, I expect homo erotic cumfests like this from the likes of Sean Connery and Michael Bay--but you were in "Wild at Heart"! Get ahold of yourself, man!Sorry about that.
It's just that the very thought of this movie gets my testicles in a tizzy. It's just so terrible. And yet so popular. This is one picture I can truly say only an asshole would like. I mean, this is the ultimate cinematic shot of steroids for all-balls fuckheads with bulging biceps and miniscule minds.
The plot is big and pointless and serves only to set up lots of explosions and bad one liners. Essentially, Bay has crafted the ultimate movie Ride--the way it never lets up is supposed to thrill you but really just ends up numbing you. It hits you over the head so many times that you're eventually forced to fall into its mechanical rhythms.
There's lots of machismo on parade, as the film careens from one ludicrous scene to the next. Bay stuffs the movie to the bursting point with tired action movie cliches, and expects the energy level to renew them.
Everything a jerk-off could want is here--the gruff hero, the loser who saves the day, the loser's hot girlfriend, the arrogant big wigs who turn out to be okay, and the dignified villains who lose despite their gallantry. I mean, they are villians, after all. And the bad guys never win in real life.If you're looking for a masturbation-ready reel to energetically jizz all over, this is for you. If you like movies, though, your best bet is to steer clear.