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Overall Rating

Awesome: 24.16%
Worth A Look: 12.08%
Just Average: 16.78%
Pretty Crappy: 18.79%

8 reviews, 101 user ratings

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Sweet Home Alabama
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by Slyder

"I’m Amazed People this Stupid Succeeded in Life"
1 stars

It’s always like this, with success comes a tripping rock. Reese Witherspoon, fresh off the success of her dumb blonde with brains flick “Legally Blonde”, decided to take a sidestep… actually, a step backwards in her career by making this rather pathetic excuse to rip people out of their money and make them feel more mentally retarded in the process. Perhaps the most retarded person, other than me who was retarded enough to waste my time in this flick, was the star of the movie herself, mainly because when an actress decides to imitate her characters descent into rampant stupidity, you must therefore conclude that the actress either took the character too seriously as to confuse art with life and/or was completely fucking stupid to begin with.

I’m not going to bother you with the usual analysis because this movie doesn’t even deserve the amount of time of writing in this review (but then again, it may just flow out and I wouldn’t even know it!). Just connect the dots: Dumbass girl turned successful designer (Witherspoon) gets engaged by Prince Charming Attorney (Patrick Dempsey) who happens to be the son of uber-zealous momma bitch err Mayor of New York (Candice Bergen). However, there’s a problem regarding Designer Girl: 1) She lied about her past and 2) she’s never in all these 7 years out of Butt-fuck USA I mean, Alabama, ever divorced her Hick with a Heart of Gold (or balls) husband (Josh Lucas).

So she goes back to the land of the rednecks to serve his papers, to which of course he won’t do without a little bit of bitching and arguing. In the meantime, she takes time to reacquaint herself with her neurotic mom (Mary Kay Place) and Confederate Dad (Fred Ward) and every other former friend and acquaintance she met/befriended/drank/robbed/fucked/whatever before. Thing is, while things in New York start pressuring, because obviously Prince Charming doesn’t know dick about her fiancée’s past (but will eventually of course), Designer Girl will soon realize how much she missed the whole Southern Accents of the place and rediscover where her heart truly lies.

Does this last sentence queue you to what will predictably happen next?

Will you still fork out $4.00 of your hard-earned dollars and 1 hour 40 minutes of your precious time that you could use to something else rather useful to watch this fucking thing? If you say yes, then I never wish to meet you. You’re a fucking ignorant and stupid sack of shit, go outside with your tin foil hat on and sit amongst the herd of sheep and see if they actually speak a word of Engle-ash to you.

This film was so incredibly retarded and so full of shit, and worst of all, so transparent that I had the entire ending figured out 20 minutes into the movie. I also managed to figure out how fucking pathetic and annoying the main character was going to be, not to mention stupid, but hey, she comes from the land of the rednecks, it was to be expected, right? Hell, if I was a redneck and watching this flick, I’d sue for damages because hey, it’s ok that everyone believes whatever they want to believe about rednecks, but I’m pretty damn sure there are already a big bunch of us that aren’t roaming around in dusted up towns, beat up pick-up trucks, all beer-bellied and with a dozen kids yapping around the house and shouting obscenities at each other. It’s a public humiliation to the nth degree that I can live without, as a redneck (which I’m not) and as an audience viewer. Furthermore, I doubt there are Southern folk that think the Civil War is still going on; isn’t that generation already dead and buried?

Reese’s character is such a scumbag; in fact the grand majority of the people presented here are scumbags, but she was the biggest scumbag of them all as proven in her drunken scene at the bar where she calls out on everyone that she considered "friend." But I digress; every actor that signed up for their roles (save for one, which I’ll get to in a moment) are just as scum-baggy as their roles. I hope each one gets punched in the face at least once for wasting each minute of the 108 that this movie ran. To be honest, I wasn’t a big fan of Reese in the beginning, and this film just made me wish her career to end right there because she was completely annoying, stupid and lifeless in this. But hey, she won an Oscar later on, so what the hell do I know?

The sad thing about the aforementioned predictable ending is the fact that Prince Charming here gets completely fucked in the ass by Mrs. Legally Plastic Blonde here, and it’s a shame, because the guy was actually a very decent lad and undeserving of the treatment he ultimately gets. If a sorry sack o’shit of a movie tries to spoon-feed you that all decent, honest people should be treated like horse manure by the morons that supposedly love them, then it’s best for all of us to bring out the hammers and smash every single copy of this fucking movie to smithereens, and head to the director’s house and the screenwriter’s house and execute that very same treatment. I don’t hate myself, like this movie so arrogantly states, but I do hate it when it drags me for an hour and a half wasting my fucking time and killing my brain cells in the process. C. Jay Cox and Andy Tenant, I hate you both, and I wish you get if not hammered, then at least stoned to death.

As a closing statement, here are another 2 reasons why this film is without value or merit. 1) It wasn’t even filmed in Alabama, and instead filmed in Georgia and Florida (I guess the hicks didn't like the way they were represented in the movie, and who can blame them?) and 2) It doesn’t even have the balls to actually play the original Lynyrd Skynyrd version of the song. The filmmakers decided to re-make the song and have Jewel (of all people, she’s not even from the South for fuck’s sake) sing it instead. Anyone who does that has simply has no soul in his or her mortal core, and I’m not even a fucking redneck. All together now: “Well I hope the filmmakers (and especially Reese Witherspoon) will remember! A Southern Man don’t need them round anyhow!” Damn FUCKING right! 0-5.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=6152&reviewer=235
originally posted: 05/08/09 03:43:21
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User Comments

12/22/17 tr If you miss an old boyfriend, this will rekindle your magical thinking 3 stars
6/20/17 Suzanne Hated it. This is not the south. Also not buying the choice made. Awful. 2 stars
1/16/17 Suzanne I liked that both guys were decent and handsome. Reece was a charmer. 4 stars
5/11/11 RLan It felt like a southern movie make by someone who spent very little time in the south! 2 stars
12/14/10 Tracy Landon I'm from the South & LOVE S.H.A. It reflects how Southerners have strong moral character! 5 stars
10/03/09 LoveIt Love the movie! Very funny and a wonderful story line! 5 stars
9/25/08 Shaun Wallner Funny Movie! 5 stars
8/30/08 JSICA WOW! OH EM GEE. Iono why I see one stars on here.. This is one of my favorite movies! 5 stars
5/14/08 cathy I loved this movie. We need more movies like this instead of the trash they are making now 5 stars
1/27/08 L.J. Worst movie I have ever seen. Nasty protagonist and horribly directed. 1 stars
10/28/07 mb loved it. Beautiful romantic story. 5 stars
9/01/07 jozee martel nice relax movie 5 stars
1/15/07 David Pollastrini Reese is hot! 3 stars
10/21/06 Vickie Loved it, and I am looking to move to a town just like it. 5 stars
9/27/06 Kayla Greatest chick flic ever!!!!! 5 stars
5/05/06 Ashley Hinz Saw it, loved it, bought it as soon as possible. 5 stars
1/08/06 Chris Worst Film Ever. 1 stars
11/14/05 piush good for people in love 4 stars
11/02/05 Priscilla Postlethwaite Pretty bad to barely avg, Sweet Home, Alabama is between Jenifer and Anniston. 3 stars
6/13/05 i am god can anyone say........STUPIDIST SHIT I EVER SEEN.. the ruined th title of a classic song 1 stars
2/16/05 Jeff Anderson Witherspoon is sadly wasted in this boring & predictable comedy, but Dempsey is TRULY GREAT 2 stars
11/23/04 Monster W. Kung This movie is a piece of mierda! 1 stars
11/13/04 anwar i loved that movie because it pictured love as a pure thing and not just a sexual desire 5 stars
7/13/04 Connie Maggerise I am from Alabama near Coon Dog Cemetery, it is really a lot like we are, double wides and 5 stars
7/07/04 Denise another predictable romance 3 stars
6/27/04 Daveman In trying to be inoffensive it winds up offending more than most films could. 2 stars
6/05/04 Jamal this movie sucks, so boring, so stupid, so lame. 1 stars
3/11/04 cereal lover a total piece of shit and waist of talent 1 stars
1/13/04 Chupa Chups the best bits were showcased in the trailer so the actual movie seemed boring 3 stars
12/22/03 Chris I loved this movie. A chick flick that everyone can like. 4 stars
10/25/03 Mel Josh is edible 5 stars
9/28/03 Honolulu Tur I like Reese & Josh but boy oh boy was this a steaming pile of garbage or what 1 stars
8/31/03 Rhonda Blankenship Sweet Home, Alabama is between Jenifer & Anniston. 3 stars
8/30/03 Arch-vile So bad I couldn't believe my eyes. 1 stars
8/17/03 Julie Loved it!! Haved watched it over and over 5 stars
7/28/03 sherry donald every actor on that movie and the director was great except for the damn dog 5 stars
7/27/03 francis innocuous time-passer 3 stars
7/23/03 Whitney McBurney I bought this on video and that is saying alot because I buy VERY few movies 5 stars
7/21/03 carol king LOVE IT!!!!!!!! 5 stars
6/19/03 Becca Marie Jamieson Best movie done in a long time 5 stars
6/17/03 Jenna Kase It was a great movie because they didn't make the guy she dumped look like "the bad guy" 5 stars
6/15/03 Arlene Titshaw Seeing Murphy Brown get slugged to the ground was worth it! 3 stars
6/15/03 Rhonda Blankenship Sweet Home, Alabama is between Jenifer & Anniston. 3 stars
6/12/03 Monster W. Kung Head-explodingly bad 1 stars
5/22/03 Misty Its the best movie made in a while 5 stars
5/04/03 Phil M. Aficionado Basic pointless rom com replete with stereotypes standard plot twists 2 stars
4/14/03 Jin Awful. 10 year olds kissing? Yeah right. 1 stars
4/07/03 pj "Whee, she punched her! Shes one of us again!" eeep! Please, Reese, come back! 3 stars
4/05/03 Ralph A good light commedy 4 stars
4/01/03 natasha_theobald not really funny, slightly more romantic 2 stars
3/12/03 Jason Martin "Sweet Home Alabama" is a good movie about finding yourself where you came from. 5 stars
3/11/03 Brandy I loved it! I guess "y'all" just have to be from AL to understand its like that EVERYWHERE! 5 stars
3/11/03 Arlene Titshaw Seeing Murphy Brown get slugged to the ground was worth it! 3 stars
3/05/03 Robert Cooley Thought it was great 5 stars
3/05/03 Tiffany Faye Hawthorne Reese Witherspoon makes unexpectedly impressive rebound from that LEGALLY BOMBED caca! 4 stars
2/28/03 karen PIECE OF POO. not funny at ALL. STUPID STUPID STUPID. 1 stars
2/25/03 Jake LOVED IT!!!!! 5 stars
2/24/03 Jacob I wish I didn't see this movie. 1 stars
2/19/03 Would You Like To Know I got it yesturday and I've already watched it 12 times...my parents are about to kill me!! 5 stars
2/18/03 Sarah Doolittle It was the Best movie! I loved it!! :) 5 stars
2/17/03 John L Nowhere near as good as Doc Hollywood 2 stars
2/12/03 Jackie I LOVED this movie! I don't care what anyone says, I thought it was adorable! 5 stars
2/11/03 Kristen this was truly a sweet movie 5 stars
2/09/03 DJ very sickening story, attempts to glorify ignorance as some kind of virtue . FLUSH THE crap 1 stars
2/08/03 tikki love josh, wife was a bitch, fiance was too good for her 4 stars
2/07/03 Dao Tran This movie was very sweet and good! 5 stars
1/31/03 Brandice Olivotto I loved This movie how can you say that wait you must be a guy who hates chick flicks 5 stars
1/29/03 ali awesome 5 stars
1/23/03 Lisa Blundell Very sweet and shy-funny movie. 4 stars
1/19/03 james watch this one with someone special 3 stars
1/17/03 Bobby If you like humor, originality, or good acting, you're looking at the wrong movie 1 stars
1/15/03 Joanna Callan Really good girly movie but you may need tissue Overall really enjoyable.s 5 stars
1/07/03 tina waste of time/money 1 stars
1/02/03 Jackson Matson Erik, you are a anal licking moron for missing the vitality and integrity in this film. 4 stars
12/27/02 hab99 was not as terrible as I first thought. A pleasant no-brainer 3 stars
12/24/02 shelley it was a fun movie not to be taken too seriously 4 stars
11/28/02 Gaiia i wouldn't see it 1 stars
11/09/02 john i havent seen it 1 stars
11/08/02 Leonard Good,Worth to watch 4 stars
10/27/02 Gitaar I would call it a chick-flick, but my date even hated it, completly predictable 1 stars
10/26/02 MarktheShark6 It wasn't worth the $8 to see it in the theatre but it wasn't terrible. 2 stars
10/25/02 Nick it bites and shouldnt been shown, you could predict the rest of the movie 1 stars
10/13/02 Angry Black Man I like Patrick Dempsey, but I hated this movie. It was stupid!!! 1 stars
10/08/02 Uncle Salty Yet another mindless romantic comedy from the makers of EVERY OTHER ROMANTIC COMEDY! 1 stars
10/08/02 James why does the rest of my country hate me? 1 stars
10/05/02 jessica A GREAT FILM 5 stars
10/01/02 Alex "BIG TURD ALABAMA" 1 stars
9/30/02 Film Dude Fucking terrible 1 stars
9/30/02 brien could have been worse... but not MucH worse 2 stars
9/30/02 p-dog blows goats 1 stars
9/29/02 buttface mcbuttface horrible horrible horrible god-awful crappy idiotic total shitfest 1 stars
9/29/02 Flick Chick it was good - no, not academy award material, but entertaining. 4 stars
9/27/02 Dale Jones VERY GOOD, fun movie. Great cast, good story. Won't win any awards, but tastefully done. 5 stars
9/27/02 Danielle Ophelia Hollywood films enough movies in NC...they know their Southern stereotypes are bullshit! 1 stars
9/26/02 Ramblin Wreck Proving once again that only Southerners are the people you can legally make fun of 1 stars
9/22/02 Charles A great actress in a stupid, unoriginal, uninspired movie. 1 stars
9/20/02 Kisuta Better than I expected. Well written. Good plot twists. 4 stars
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  27-Sep-2002 (PG-13)



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