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2 reviews, 7 user ratings

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Keaton's Cop
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by Jack Sommersby

"About as Exciting and Funny as a Hernia Coupled With a Kidney Stone"
1 stars

Even on the most fundamental level it sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls.

Keaton's Cop is nothing more than the sum of its numerous borrowed parts. It's been produced by those far-from-admirable producers from Cannon Film Distributors, Menahem Golan and Yorman Globus, and still bears evidence that even through years of churning out countless examples of cinematic garbage they've nevertheless seen fit to finance screenplays containing not the slightest shred of common sense (the exceptions being Barfly and The Delta Force, for which I'll be eternally grateful). The engaging Lee Majors (from TV's The Fall Guy) stars as Mike Gable, a Galveston homicide detective who's busy living the life of a standard movie cop: he argues with his ex-wife, lives like a slob, and starts the mornings off with a can of beer. And to prove that he's a heck of a guy, we're afforded the grand opportunity of witnessing his well-practiced penchant of throwing suspects out windows -- and not on the first floor, either. Well, his dire existence is enlivened when he's forced to protect an ex-mobster (Abe Vigoda) from being assassinated by some professional killers. Keaton's Cop plays itself out as listless and unsurprising as I've described. There's nothing terminally wrong with the premise (1988's stupendous Midnight Run succeeded with it), but it's damn near a cinematic crime that the film is so lethargically handled by director Robert Burge; it's a mere ninety minutes yet Burge is such an abysmal technician that the film moves forth with the energy of a drunken snail. The scenes just go from one to the next without any semblance of flair or continuity and, most drearily, the action sequences are staged with a mean-spiritedness that results in some jarring shifts of tone. The initial conception was obviously to make a fun-filled actioner, but it has a backfire effect in that the victims are killed with such a detailed bloody detachment that this throws the film fatally off-course. How can we possibly settle back and enjoy a film-going experience when the legendary Don Rickles (who's very appealing here and the film's only real virtue) is brutally murdered, resulting in a gaping shotgun wound to his back? I soon began to dread moments like this, and, to make matters worse, Burges lingers over the slaughtered corpses with a sadistic glee. With all this heavy-handed repulsiveness, Keaton's Cop really needs the likes of Lee Majors, an engaging talent possessive of an unforced natural appeal; his winning smile and welcome doses of humor occasionally surface, but he seems too held-in here -- almost straight-jacketed. The rest of the cast skimps by on low levels of depth, and the rapport between Majors and the elderly Vigoda never meshes for a second (it grates, though). But no performance or degree of chemistry could've salvaged this hopelessly conceived and terminally-executed little stinker. If this is Golan & Globus' idea of a good time, I'll take my chances at a leper colony, thank you.

May just be the worst of its kind ever made.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=6269&reviewer=327
originally posted: 11/22/07 18:22:48
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User Comments

10/19/08 Shaun Wallner Great Film! 5 stars
11/09/06 Charla Cromwell Cute 5 stars
6/16/04 Anne Powell I went to HS with Tracey Swope, and she had no personality then either. 1 stars
10/08/03 Bob Tolken Very entertaining, 5 stars
2/26/03 Tom Hawkins Abe Vigoda gives the best performance of his career. 5 stars
1/29/03 Jack Clinton Vigoda is great! 3 stars
12/28/02 Jack Sommersby Majors is appealing; the film is lame and repulsive. 1 stars
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  02-Feb-1988 (R)


  02-Feb-1988 (M)

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