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Overall Rating
1.75

Awesome: 4.43%
Worth A Look: 8.87%
Just Average: 7.88%
Pretty Crappy: 14.78%
Sucks64.04%

12 reviews, 131 user ratings


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Wild Wild West
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by Paulapalooza

"Why Why Warners?"
2 stars

I expected a fist up the ass. I only got a couple of fingers, but I have to believe it wasn't an improvement.

Will Smith was the Godzilla of the summer of '99, a big name around which to construct an event movie. Unlike Godzilla he HAS a track record outside Nagasaki, so it's a sure bet, right?

Unfortunately, Will makes the Godzilla analogy all too appropriate by delivering an underwhelming, festering gob of horse puckey to the already scant dinner table which is the summer movie season.

I could excuse the respective egos which are Will Smith's, Barry Sonnenfeld's, and Jon Peters' if this movie delivered just one damn thing: fun, or at least a sense that someone involved in the movie somewhere is HAVING fun. As it is, there's a lot of woeful mugging reminiscent of Mike Myers and Dana Carvey in Wayne's World 2, their pained expressions indicating "This was funny a couple of years ago!" The humor is insulting at best, offensive at worst, and most of all, not really humorous. But at least Mike and Dana had chemistry.

Will's a charismatic guy. But he's too smug on-screen after a string of successes. Kevin Kline is a great actor, but he seems bored, exhibiting the Jeff Daniels in Speed "when do I get my paycheck and go home?" weary blank stare. Kenneth Branagh is the only guy who marginally looks to be enjoying himself, but his Dr. Loveless rarely generates an honest sense of threat. Salma Hayek shows her ass to the audience. Sonnenfeld and Peters show theirs to the Warner execs.

Sigh. Barry Sonnenfeld. This is the guy who shot "Raising Arizona" for the love M. Emmet Walsh. It just makes you sad, right after you vomit your popcorn onto the teeny-bopper in the seat in front of you who came because of the high-rotation video of the "song" on MTV. All that wild, funky camera-work and set design going for naught. Sigh again.

Which brings us to the action part of the action/comedy equation. Well, there's lots of cross-dressing. Isn't that WILD and CRAZY? Action scenes with guys dressed as women! It's high-concept! The rit-kids will eat it UP! And there's the requisite number of explosions and and a train and a big mechanical spider and please mommy will you make the bad men go away? There's also some flying blade thing ripped off from "Phantasm." "Phantasm" for crissakes!

Overall, there's just enough, and I meant JUST enough, to scrape this up to two-star status. Elmer Bernstein, though largely wasted, is a sweetly good choice to score the film. As befitting his character's stature, I half-liked Branagh, who tries to eat/save every scene he's in with a manic sense of energy and a horrible Southern accent. And Salma's tush is Salma's tush.

Those Warner execs gotta be sweatin' HARD for The Matrix 2. But at least they're not like the nimrods at Sony who insist a Godzilla sequel is imminent.

Can the ill-begotten "It's a whole new west" tagline, and replace it with the more appropriate "It's a cinematic string of glass-spiked anal beads, ripped out sideways real quick".

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=736&reviewer=21
originally posted: 10/23/99 18:06:39
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TV to Screen: For more in the TV to Screen series, click here.

User Comments

12/19/09 Jeff Wilder Decent attempts by Smith and Kline can't make up for ineptitude in the writing. 1 stars
10/27/09 the dork knight Looks a bit-washed out and gross. Visuals aside, it's hella funny 4 stars
8/24/08 Samantha Pruitt pretty corny, but still a good time. The song is cool though, and the giant spider was cool 3 stars
12/19/07 Pamela White nothing like the origional 2 stars
5/28/07 action movie fan it was fun to watch a james bond of the time it was set in 4 stars
5/07/07 R.W.Welch Waste of good F/X money. Watch reruns of the old TV show instead. 2 stars
4/18/07 Stevo UK Takes the piss out of true American history. I know that, and im from Yorkshire. 1 stars
12/31/06 del Ahh, the beginning of Will Smith's decline... 1 stars
12/25/06 johnnyfog Good documenterary on Salma's ass. Kevin Kline made me laugh though... 3 stars
10/08/06 Ned was a wee on when i watched it, but it kept me entertained with all of the loud noises 3 stars
10/04/06 Indrid Cold Why were people so down on this? I thought it was quite entertaining and original. 4 stars
7/12/06 Roy Sci-Fi was cool, action was cool,but all to far-fetched for a movie set in 1870 3 stars
6/10/06 Billy Warner Brothers sure knows what CGI is all about, but I was bored 3 stars
5/20/06 Kcaj Has it's good moments but the storyline is plastic. But it ain't that bad 3 stars
2/06/06 Anthony James Bond meets Cowboys 2 stars
9/12/05 Total Crap Extremely Forgettable Movie. Dumb jokes. Hell, Shark Tale is better than this. 1 stars
8/17/05 ES Ack! this movie got a better rating than 'Soldier'= giant spiders my ass! 1 stars
3/13/05 Jeff Anderson The kind of greedy & humorless JUNK that makes me hate W. Smith films forever & I MEAN THAT 1 stars
10/25/04 DM I'll be as clear as possible: THIS MOVIE SUCKS! 1 stars
6/03/04 Mitch "Citizen Kane" it ain't, but I've always found it entertaining enough. 3 stars
2/22/04 Kyle *smirk* 1 stars
1/14/04 Samuel a decent cast wasted 2 stars
1/05/04 tricky dick Who should my ex-wife blow for me to get my money back? 2 stars
12/19/03 LP1 Stupid but hilarious 5 stars
10/31/03 Littlepurch Actors gr8! Jokes hilarious and never stop! Story's not too bad either. 4 stars
10/14/03 DrSkyTower A steaming pile of Horse Shit 1 stars
3/31/03 rash xxx 5 stars
3/09/03 Matt Thiel I didn't pay to see this. These idiots don't deserve my money, and they don't deserve yours 1 stars
2/09/03 Joe What A Piece Of Crap 1 stars
2/09/03 Joe What A Piece Of Crap 1 stars
10/21/02 Chiend Bad enough to give Hollywood a bad name, if such a thing is possible. 1 stars
6/27/02 Jenny Trout The worst movie I have seen in, oh wait, forever. 1 stars
3/17/02 mn oh no he [Will Smith] won't. not another movie sighs 1 stars
3/05/02 Brittany James Love Salma Hayek, but her role in this is only half-assed in more ways than one. 2 stars
2/26/02 Good God!!!!!!!! Will Smith is cool & charming and all, but he did nothing for this slop. 2 stars
12/14/01 big boy You people dont know what good means your all a bunch of sbuttheads 5 stars
11/16/01 I want movies Hey you dumb people are insulting Will Smith 5 stars
9/16/01 Gary Horrible, horrible movie. Unfunny, over-flashy and just plain annoying. 1 stars
8/08/01 E-Funk Will made a fuck up...Will made a fuck up...nah, nah, nah, nah,nah,nah 1 stars
4/18/01 Tam CHEESEY SHIT! But at least it gave me an excuse to stare at Will Smith. 1 stars
2/14/01 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi Should've been called. "Vile Vile Mess"...avoid as you would a bad case of the clap. 1 stars
1/31/01 cheese Satan sat on a toliet, and this came out. 1 stars
1/19/01 Ground Zero this was a really shitty movie! I didn't enjoy it at all!!! 1 stars
1/17/01 I love movies somehow this movie worked for me 4 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla what the fuck was that?!!! man this movie stunk, and whoever likes it is a fuckhead!!!! 1 stars
11/02/00 dan ohhh... that woman in the tower is hoooooot! 5 stars
10/13/00 Jason terrible...go to the symphony! 1 stars
10/13/00 Josh I now believe that the end is near.... 1 stars
9/08/00 Jed I agree with David Rogers this movie is excellent! 5 stars
8/25/00 NoRefill Should have been calle "Wild, Wild, Sucks". I hated it. Not like the original at all. 1 stars
7/08/00 Andrew Freeman This made me not want to masturbate for weeks 1 stars
6/19/00 Ulatekk Terrible. I don't think blacks were allowed in the Secret Service until the 1960's... 1 stars
5/29/00 danilo hilarious and totally misunderstood movie that's definitely worth a look 4 stars
4/26/00 Pansy Awful. The only thing that stood in ths flick was Hayek's hooters. 1 stars
3/10/00 Richard Wright Whats the fuss about, this is as dumb as your average summer movie.Better than Godzilla too 2 stars
3/05/00 Kyle Broflovski It's like being bitten by Cujo while trapped in a hot car. Actually, it's worse. 1 stars
2/21/00 Mr. Kramitall Release the series on video now, and destroy until the last copy of this horrid travesty. 1 stars
11/24/99 Mark Awful 1 stars
11/04/99 Mickey "Father Death" MacJohnstmyster "Oh you is all that brutha" , get over yourself Smith you suck more than ya movies. 2 stars
10/25/99 H'Woodbigshot Yo! Wuz up, Homes. Not this piece of Bimzi. 1 stars
10/19/99 Lame-Oh All Seeing I, you genius! Oughta be called Vile Vile Mess! 1 stars
10/18/99 Bueller The film focuses more on humor than the TV series did. Gadgets are cooler though. 4 stars
10/16/99 Mr. Invincible For heaven's sake, Will, stick to your music carrer! Sheesh! 1 stars
10/13/99 Gunslinger This movie is a complete waste of time and money. Will Smith should stick to rapping! 1 stars
10/10/99 Ben Ryan What a piece of dogshit! Smith, move on, sing sing, don't act, don't act. 1 stars
10/09/99 Viral Messiah Sheer stupidity. 1 stars
10/04/99 the Grinch Couldve been better,loved KenB,it was entertaining,and that's all it was intended to be. 3 stars
10/03/99 Suckit boring as hell 1 stars
10/03/99 Joe Schmoe Dude, this is bad! 1 stars
9/29/99 Orgazmo A wild wild test of your intelligence 1 stars
9/24/99 mike minshell excellent film 5 stars
9/23/99 old muther hubbard this movie was wy too violent 4 little old me 3 stars
9/22/99 Slushie I agree with the pineapple dude. 1 stars
9/19/99 Weird Andy An embarrassment to the terrific TV show. 1 stars
9/19/99 Admiral Crunch Note to Jaddax (3 lines down): shut the hell up. Worse than The Haunting. A pitiful ripoff. 1 stars
9/16/99 Kory I'd rather shove a pineapple up my ass than watch this pile of shit again. 1 stars
9/15/99 Feral Not THAT bad but not good either. In all a waste of time. 2 stars
9/12/99 Jonathan Hefner What a load of bullshit 1 stars
9/11/99 Jaddax it was a very good movie so screw all that don`t like it 5 stars
9/10/99 Jomo One of the worst movies I have ever seen. 1 stars
9/03/99 William Worst movie since Batman & Robin. What a waste of talent. I almost walked out. 1 stars
9/03/99 Andel Crodo Someone involved in making the film obviously had an overactive infatuation with breasts. 2 stars
8/26/99 Ami the Wonderbread Even my favorite actor Ken Branagh sucked in this movie. 2 stars
8/25/99 Ah Dooey Right on with the review. Anybody who spam junk on this site shall be barred from Hollywood 1 stars
8/20/99 BoB ONE WORD: LAME!!! 1 stars
8/19/99 Japtalian This movie followed the premise of the T.V version. Western-SciFi. I enjoyed it. 4 stars
8/18/99 Admiral Crunch Gee, and the trailers were better, huh? Yeah, right. 1 stars
8/15/99 Stephen Cook i didn't see the movie, and i didn't need to, the previews were enough 1 stars
8/14/99 Ryan_A If you like this, Steve, you're not as tough as you think. Only The Haunting is worse. 1 stars
8/12/99 Steve Kelley I'm a tough critic, and I like it. Escapist, fun, preposterous. See for yourself. 4 stars
8/10/99 Laz when Hollywood is bad,it is really bad!! Just dreadful... 1 stars
8/09/99 The Graduate Bad writing, bad acting. Watch the gadgets. 2 stars
8/03/99 Binghi Salma Hayek's body double has nice ass. 1 stars
8/02/99 Mboua I saw this movie for free and got ripped off. 1 stars
8/02/99 XenoWolf The dummest movie ive seen in years 1 stars
8/01/99 John M What a BAD movie!!! 1 stars
7/31/99 Obi Wan Was almost as bad as BELOVED if not for Salma Hayek's Ass! She's off da hook! 1 stars
7/31/99 SaSa Cinematic excrement. 1 stars
7/31/99 Roman Nice look but everything else was a smoldering pile of SHIT 1 stars
7/30/99 Innocent movie goer "It wasn't that bad, pretty good actually. It was definately worth a look." 4 stars
7/29/99 Tigger I thought this movie was not Will Smith's best of the summer but was worth seeing 4 stars
7/28/99 Sabina They must have left the best parts on the cutting room floor 1 stars
7/27/99 dave top ten worst 1 stars
7/26/99 David Kindred Don't see it. 1 stars
7/25/99 blue i could pull a better movie out of my ass 1 stars
7/24/99 MilhousFan Wow, this movie had the worst screenplay ever 1 stars
7/19/99 Imagoner Blecch. Worst movie of '99, so far. 1 stars
7/17/99 George Estremera A blast! Saw it twice! 4 stars
7/16/99 buddy ugh. one of the worst movies ever made. 1 stars
7/16/99 Ron Cruz Wow Great Film!!! What's wrong with you? 5 stars
7/16/99 Jo Jo, The Idiot Circus Boy High: Will Smith. Low: Everything ELSE. 1 stars
7/14/99 Keith Salma's ass is worth a look. The film isn't. 1 stars
7/14/99 Ryan_A Best part of the flick? M. Emmet Walsh. Man's a genius. 1 stars
7/14/99 Tony Daquano Pure Crap 2 stars
7/10/99 Cherry A total waste of time. There are no words to describe how I hate this AWFUL movie. YUCK! 1 stars
7/09/99 Alexander Too F-uped for me! 2 stars
7/08/99 Bobber Another W.Smith Formula movie like MIB and ID4. Could've done with seeing his bag and butt 1 stars
7/07/99 Scott It gave me convulsions 1 stars
7/07/99 midson Painfully boring.. stay away from this movie. 1 stars
7/06/99 Freyja Sucks all molecules of amusement right out of your system. Awful 1 stars
7/06/99 Mr Showbiz Isn't half as fun as it needs to be. 3 stars
7/06/99 James Coffey When I first saw the trialers I thought this movie would suck, I was absolutly correct. 1 stars
7/05/99 Skiv Save your money, this movie is so bad it's depressing... 1 stars
7/03/99 Howard Roark Big Disappointment, nothing like the series. two words...SAD Times! 2 stars
7/03/99 Morpheous Horrible! A waist of money... 1 stars
7/02/99 Elizaveta Kenneth Branagh! What have you done!?! 2 stars
7/01/99 Ah Dooey Complete drivel. 1 stars
7/01/99 Nick Spanos Beyond painful. Zero stars. 1 stars
7/01/99 Christina boring boring boring boring boring. and i did not need to see either of smith or kline drag 1 stars
6/30/99 Alandizo it's an awful movie, not logical and absolutely full of nonsense 1 stars
6/30/99 PhilmPhreak Its not as bad as I thought it would be. Not quite. Close, but not quite. 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  30-Jun-1999 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  09-Sep-1999




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