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Overall Rating
1.75

Awesome: 4.43%
Worth A Look: 8.87%
Just Average: 7.88%
Pretty Crappy: 14.78%
Sucks64.04%

12 reviews, 131 user ratings


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Wild Wild West
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Ryan Arthur

"If there's a perfect movie to get bitchslapped, it's this one."
1 stars

The jokes fall flat. The action is uninspiring. The acting ranges from wooden to outright hammy, and you keep waiting to be put out of your misery. Not even the sight of Salma Hayek's ass will make you want to sit through the whole thing. I'll say it now: I hated this movie more than Batman & Robin.

The opening credits evoke the original Wild Wild West series. Seems like the theme song has been revised a bit. It's flashy, it's catchy, my interest had been piqued. And as I sat there, I thought to myself, "hey, this may not suck after all."

I've got to learn not to be so optimistic.

Wild Wild West is a blank check movie. It's a movie where the studio (Warner Brothers, in this case, no strangers to movies that favor style over substance) saw the success of director Barry Sonnenfeld and Mr. Fourth-Of-July himself, Will Smith, and basically handed them a blank check. You can see the meeting: "Here, take our money, and do whatever the hell you want." It shows. Wild Wild West is less a movie, and more like several movies.

Action. Buddy picture. Comedy. TV show remake. James Bond homage. Sci-fi. Western. Camp. Blazing Saddles ripoff. Wild Wild West is all of these things, and more, and it's still a pain to sit through, because it does none of those things very well at all.

Will Smith can't decide to play Jim West straight or for laughs. The opening sequences portray him as a sort of goof, complete with making absurd kissy-faces in the air towards the woman he's with while he's secretly spying on the bad guys. Like the naked woman in the water tank with him isn't gonna notice. Then, he turns to being all business. Anyone who starts to say the "n" word immediately gets punched in the mouth. Smith then tries the suave ladies man approach, then the gruff cowboy, then the all-out action hero, then a guy in drag.

Sigh.

I like Will Smith. I really do. I'd like to see more stuff like his turn in Six Degrees Of Separation. But this was so wrong for him. Likewise Kevin Kline. A normally gifted comedic actor, Kline's reduced to sidekick. As Artemus Gordon, he gets to play kooky inventor. Too bad it's all so low key. He looks so bored. He's got no chemistry with Smith, a vital ingredient to the whole buddy comedy genre. They barely look at each other.

And Kenneth Branagh?

Playing what could've been the plum role of Dr. Arliss Loveless, Branagh sports the Lieutenant Dan "I ain't got no legs" look and a accent borrowed heavily from Foghorn Leghorn, and he chews scenery like it's the toughest steak in the world. Stow it, Doc. He's not menacing, he's not evil, he's a cartoon in a wheelchair.

The plot? Well, there's some business of Loveless taking President Ulysses S. Grant (played, for whatever reason, by Kline again) hostage and reclaiming the U.S. With a giant mechanical spider. How's it powered? When was it built? Why is it that a crowd of people can't see it, but when the Prez turns around and sees it, then people start to run?

The movie doesn't answer these questions, and I'm not even gonna try.

The look of the movie is awfully crisp for a western. There's a lot of dust on the actors, but everything else looks mighty clean. That's what's good here: the look. Sets, costuming, all top notch. But it's not enough to make you forget enough wooden acting to consider changing the movie's title to Wild Wild Westworld, or the horrible sight of Will Smith (and Kline, for that matter) in drag. The gadgets are nifty and horribly out of place. It tries to be Men In Black Hats 130 Years Ago. The wit and humor of MIB (and all of Sonnenfeld's other previous efforts) is replaced with lame one-liners (Kline's Gordon, upon inventing a flying machine, "I'm thinking of calling it..Air Gordon"). It makes you want to drink enough artificially butter flavored popcorn topping to give you an instantaneous heart attack (or multiple heart attacks, or both).

Not even lovely Salma Hayek, complete with heaving cleavage and two - count 'em, two - shots of her bare butt, can make the movie watchable.

It's an action movie (and I use that term loosely) where the action sequences are interspersed with lenghty stretches of bad sitcom-caliber writing.

Will this movie make money? Possibly. Even Batman & Robin broke $100 million domestic. But this movie, like Batman & Robin, and like last year's The Avengers, is a dud on all fronts.

I'd sit through Batman & Robin AND Speed 2 before I'd watch this again.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=736&reviewer=7
originally posted: 07/07/99 03:01:55
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TV to Screen: For more in the TV to Screen series, click here.

User Comments

12/19/09 Jeff Wilder Decent attempts by Smith and Kline can't make up for ineptitude in the writing. 1 stars
10/27/09 the dork knight Looks a bit-washed out and gross. Visuals aside, it's hella funny 4 stars
8/24/08 Samantha Pruitt pretty corny, but still a good time. The song is cool though, and the giant spider was cool 3 stars
12/19/07 Pamela White nothing like the origional 2 stars
5/28/07 action movie fan it was fun to watch a james bond of the time it was set in 4 stars
5/07/07 R.W.Welch Waste of good F/X money. Watch reruns of the old TV show instead. 2 stars
4/18/07 Stevo UK Takes the piss out of true American history. I know that, and im from Yorkshire. 1 stars
12/31/06 del Ahh, the beginning of Will Smith's decline... 1 stars
12/25/06 johnnyfog Good documenterary on Salma's ass. Kevin Kline made me laugh though... 3 stars
10/08/06 Ned was a wee on when i watched it, but it kept me entertained with all of the loud noises 3 stars
10/04/06 Indrid Cold Why were people so down on this? I thought it was quite entertaining and original. 4 stars
7/12/06 Roy Sci-Fi was cool, action was cool,but all to far-fetched for a movie set in 1870 3 stars
6/10/06 Billy Warner Brothers sure knows what CGI is all about, but I was bored 3 stars
5/20/06 Kcaj Has it's good moments but the storyline is plastic. But it ain't that bad 3 stars
2/06/06 Anthony James Bond meets Cowboys 2 stars
9/12/05 Total Crap Extremely Forgettable Movie. Dumb jokes. Hell, Shark Tale is better than this. 1 stars
8/17/05 ES Ack! this movie got a better rating than 'Soldier'= giant spiders my ass! 1 stars
3/13/05 Jeff Anderson The kind of greedy & humorless JUNK that makes me hate W. Smith films forever & I MEAN THAT 1 stars
10/25/04 DM I'll be as clear as possible: THIS MOVIE SUCKS! 1 stars
6/03/04 Mitch "Citizen Kane" it ain't, but I've always found it entertaining enough. 3 stars
2/22/04 Kyle *smirk* 1 stars
1/14/04 Samuel a decent cast wasted 2 stars
1/05/04 tricky dick Who should my ex-wife blow for me to get my money back? 2 stars
12/19/03 LP1 Stupid but hilarious 5 stars
10/31/03 Littlepurch Actors gr8! Jokes hilarious and never stop! Story's not too bad either. 4 stars
10/14/03 DrSkyTower A steaming pile of Horse Shit 1 stars
3/31/03 rash xxx 5 stars
3/09/03 Matt Thiel I didn't pay to see this. These idiots don't deserve my money, and they don't deserve yours 1 stars
2/09/03 Joe What A Piece Of Crap 1 stars
2/09/03 Joe What A Piece Of Crap 1 stars
10/21/02 Chiend Bad enough to give Hollywood a bad name, if such a thing is possible. 1 stars
6/27/02 Jenny Trout The worst movie I have seen in, oh wait, forever. 1 stars
3/17/02 mn oh no he [Will Smith] won't. not another movie sighs 1 stars
3/05/02 Brittany James Love Salma Hayek, but her role in this is only half-assed in more ways than one. 2 stars
2/26/02 Good God!!!!!!!! Will Smith is cool & charming and all, but he did nothing for this slop. 2 stars
12/14/01 big boy You people dont know what good means your all a bunch of sbuttheads 5 stars
11/16/01 I want movies Hey you dumb people are insulting Will Smith 5 stars
9/16/01 Gary Horrible, horrible movie. Unfunny, over-flashy and just plain annoying. 1 stars
8/08/01 E-Funk Will made a fuck up...Will made a fuck up...nah, nah, nah, nah,nah,nah 1 stars
4/18/01 Tam CHEESEY SHIT! But at least it gave me an excuse to stare at Will Smith. 1 stars
2/14/01 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi Should've been called. "Vile Vile Mess"...avoid as you would a bad case of the clap. 1 stars
1/31/01 cheese Satan sat on a toliet, and this came out. 1 stars
1/19/01 Ground Zero this was a really shitty movie! I didn't enjoy it at all!!! 1 stars
1/17/01 I love movies somehow this movie worked for me 4 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla what the fuck was that?!!! man this movie stunk, and whoever likes it is a fuckhead!!!! 1 stars
11/02/00 dan ohhh... that woman in the tower is hoooooot! 5 stars
10/13/00 Jason terrible...go to the symphony! 1 stars
10/13/00 Josh I now believe that the end is near.... 1 stars
9/08/00 Jed I agree with David Rogers this movie is excellent! 5 stars
8/25/00 NoRefill Should have been calle "Wild, Wild, Sucks". I hated it. Not like the original at all. 1 stars
7/08/00 Andrew Freeman This made me not want to masturbate for weeks 1 stars
6/19/00 Ulatekk Terrible. I don't think blacks were allowed in the Secret Service until the 1960's... 1 stars
5/29/00 danilo hilarious and totally misunderstood movie that's definitely worth a look 4 stars
4/26/00 Pansy Awful. The only thing that stood in ths flick was Hayek's hooters. 1 stars
3/10/00 Richard Wright Whats the fuss about, this is as dumb as your average summer movie.Better than Godzilla too 2 stars
3/05/00 Kyle Broflovski It's like being bitten by Cujo while trapped in a hot car. Actually, it's worse. 1 stars
2/21/00 Mr. Kramitall Release the series on video now, and destroy until the last copy of this horrid travesty. 1 stars
11/24/99 Mark Awful 1 stars
11/04/99 Mickey "Father Death" MacJohnstmyster "Oh you is all that brutha" , get over yourself Smith you suck more than ya movies. 2 stars
10/25/99 H'Woodbigshot Yo! Wuz up, Homes. Not this piece of Bimzi. 1 stars
10/19/99 Lame-Oh All Seeing I, you genius! Oughta be called Vile Vile Mess! 1 stars
10/18/99 Bueller The film focuses more on humor than the TV series did. Gadgets are cooler though. 4 stars
10/16/99 Mr. Invincible For heaven's sake, Will, stick to your music carrer! Sheesh! 1 stars
10/13/99 Gunslinger This movie is a complete waste of time and money. Will Smith should stick to rapping! 1 stars
10/10/99 Ben Ryan What a piece of dogshit! Smith, move on, sing sing, don't act, don't act. 1 stars
10/09/99 Viral Messiah Sheer stupidity. 1 stars
10/04/99 the Grinch Couldve been better,loved KenB,it was entertaining,and that's all it was intended to be. 3 stars
10/03/99 Suckit boring as hell 1 stars
10/03/99 Joe Schmoe Dude, this is bad! 1 stars
9/29/99 Orgazmo A wild wild test of your intelligence 1 stars
9/24/99 mike minshell excellent film 5 stars
9/23/99 old muther hubbard this movie was wy too violent 4 little old me 3 stars
9/22/99 Slushie I agree with the pineapple dude. 1 stars
9/19/99 Weird Andy An embarrassment to the terrific TV show. 1 stars
9/19/99 Admiral Crunch Note to Jaddax (3 lines down): shut the hell up. Worse than The Haunting. A pitiful ripoff. 1 stars
9/16/99 Kory I'd rather shove a pineapple up my ass than watch this pile of shit again. 1 stars
9/15/99 Feral Not THAT bad but not good either. In all a waste of time. 2 stars
9/12/99 Jonathan Hefner What a load of bullshit 1 stars
9/11/99 Jaddax it was a very good movie so screw all that don`t like it 5 stars
9/10/99 Jomo One of the worst movies I have ever seen. 1 stars
9/03/99 William Worst movie since Batman & Robin. What a waste of talent. I almost walked out. 1 stars
9/03/99 Andel Crodo Someone involved in making the film obviously had an overactive infatuation with breasts. 2 stars
8/26/99 Ami the Wonderbread Even my favorite actor Ken Branagh sucked in this movie. 2 stars
8/25/99 Ah Dooey Right on with the review. Anybody who spam junk on this site shall be barred from Hollywood 1 stars
8/20/99 BoB ONE WORD: LAME!!! 1 stars
8/19/99 Japtalian This movie followed the premise of the T.V version. Western-SciFi. I enjoyed it. 4 stars
8/18/99 Admiral Crunch Gee, and the trailers were better, huh? Yeah, right. 1 stars
8/15/99 Stephen Cook i didn't see the movie, and i didn't need to, the previews were enough 1 stars
8/14/99 Ryan_A If you like this, Steve, you're not as tough as you think. Only The Haunting is worse. 1 stars
8/12/99 Steve Kelley I'm a tough critic, and I like it. Escapist, fun, preposterous. See for yourself. 4 stars
8/10/99 Laz when Hollywood is bad,it is really bad!! Just dreadful... 1 stars
8/09/99 The Graduate Bad writing, bad acting. Watch the gadgets. 2 stars
8/03/99 Binghi Salma Hayek's body double has nice ass. 1 stars
8/02/99 Mboua I saw this movie for free and got ripped off. 1 stars
8/02/99 XenoWolf The dummest movie ive seen in years 1 stars
8/01/99 John M What a BAD movie!!! 1 stars
7/31/99 Obi Wan Was almost as bad as BELOVED if not for Salma Hayek's Ass! She's off da hook! 1 stars
7/31/99 SaSa Cinematic excrement. 1 stars
7/31/99 Roman Nice look but everything else was a smoldering pile of SHIT 1 stars
7/30/99 Innocent movie goer "It wasn't that bad, pretty good actually. It was definately worth a look." 4 stars
7/29/99 Tigger I thought this movie was not Will Smith's best of the summer but was worth seeing 4 stars
7/28/99 Sabina They must have left the best parts on the cutting room floor 1 stars
7/27/99 dave top ten worst 1 stars
7/26/99 David Kindred Don't see it. 1 stars
7/25/99 blue i could pull a better movie out of my ass 1 stars
7/24/99 MilhousFan Wow, this movie had the worst screenplay ever 1 stars
7/19/99 Imagoner Blecch. Worst movie of '99, so far. 1 stars
7/17/99 George Estremera A blast! Saw it twice! 4 stars
7/16/99 buddy ugh. one of the worst movies ever made. 1 stars
7/16/99 Ron Cruz Wow Great Film!!! What's wrong with you? 5 stars
7/16/99 Jo Jo, The Idiot Circus Boy High: Will Smith. Low: Everything ELSE. 1 stars
7/14/99 Keith Salma's ass is worth a look. The film isn't. 1 stars
7/14/99 Ryan_A Best part of the flick? M. Emmet Walsh. Man's a genius. 1 stars
7/14/99 Tony Daquano Pure Crap 2 stars
7/10/99 Cherry A total waste of time. There are no words to describe how I hate this AWFUL movie. YUCK! 1 stars
7/09/99 Alexander Too F-uped for me! 2 stars
7/08/99 Bobber Another W.Smith Formula movie like MIB and ID4. Could've done with seeing his bag and butt 1 stars
7/07/99 Scott It gave me convulsions 1 stars
7/07/99 midson Painfully boring.. stay away from this movie. 1 stars
7/06/99 Freyja Sucks all molecules of amusement right out of your system. Awful 1 stars
7/06/99 Mr Showbiz Isn't half as fun as it needs to be. 3 stars
7/06/99 James Coffey When I first saw the trialers I thought this movie would suck, I was absolutly correct. 1 stars
7/05/99 Skiv Save your money, this movie is so bad it's depressing... 1 stars
7/03/99 Howard Roark Big Disappointment, nothing like the series. two words...SAD Times! 2 stars
7/03/99 Morpheous Horrible! A waist of money... 1 stars
7/02/99 Elizaveta Kenneth Branagh! What have you done!?! 2 stars
7/01/99 Ah Dooey Complete drivel. 1 stars
7/01/99 Nick Spanos Beyond painful. Zero stars. 1 stars
7/01/99 Christina boring boring boring boring boring. and i did not need to see either of smith or kline drag 1 stars
6/30/99 Alandizo it's an awful movie, not logical and absolutely full of nonsense 1 stars
6/30/99 PhilmPhreak Its not as bad as I thought it would be. Not quite. Close, but not quite. 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  30-Jun-1999 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  09-Sep-1999




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