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Overall Rating
2.15

Awesome: 12.03%
Worth A Look: 11.39%
Just Average: 9.49%
Pretty Crappy: 13.29%
Sucks53.8%

5 reviews, 128 user ratings



2 Fast 2 Furious
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by Erik Childress

"It's Fast. I'm Furious."
1 stars

As my friends gaze upon the new automobiles in commercials, parking lots and movies wanting one hand on the wheel and the other on their own gearshift, I am always befuddled at their exuberance. "Do you know how fast that car goes? 0-to-250 in 1.7 seconds!" That's great, but where in the hell can you go over 75 mph without getting pulled over, arrested, having a NASCAR sponsorship or potentially killing 50 or 60 people? To me, cars have always just been faster versions of horses; a mode of transportation designed to get you from A-to-B. Some look kinda cool and some have pretty colors. Other than that, it's a very ten-&-two approach to cars in my universe. But when it comes to car chases in movies, I'm down. And while I hated the original film, I had complete faith in replacement director John Singleton to drop the hammer with 2 Fast 2 Furious. Unfortunately, all he dropped was a big fat turd.

In Singleton's breakthrough film, Boyz 'N' the Hood, he opened the film with a shot of a "STOP" sign. His commitment to road signs bookends a transitional portion of his career as 2 Fast 2 Furious opens with multiple shots of the white sign marked "ROAD CLOSED". My faith in Singleton's transition from race relations to actual races stemmed from his unfairly underrated updating of Shaft. That film had a sharp script, interesting characters and memorable performances from both the heroes and the villains sides. Perhaps still facing the curse of Teen Wolf, Too, the numbered 2 Fast 2 Furious relies on a pair of TV movie writers for its script and Paul Walker for its lead. OK, so maybe I'm not the best preliminary judge for wishful thinking. Bro.

Walker again plays Brian O'Conner, who in the first outing traded stares with Vin Diesel in a macho contest of who could be the most vacant. After the Vinster was let go at the end, he opted not to return leaving poor Brian without a blank wall to deliver dialogue. Enter Tyrese. This former model plays Roman Pierce, a childhood buddy of Brian's who has never forgiven him for becoming a cop and blames him for time in jail for a garage full of hot cars. Brian's not a cop anymore, but he's given a chance to expunge his record by helping the customs department bust some dude named Carter Verone (Cole Hauser, giving Singleton another convincing portrait of while devilism.) Brian's condition includes Roman coming along for the ride. Br'a.

It's been a long time since I've had to play the idiot card, but I honestly can't describe to you what the hell was transpiring during this film. The importer/exporter Art Vandelay or whomever puts a bunch of guys through a test to see who would be his best drivers in an upcoming job. I guess that's why Brian was recruited because he's the only fast driver the authorities have ever employed, but as far as I could tell, Vandelay's big job was picking up a stash of money from a trailer home and taking it to an airstrip or a boat or does it matter? I think the cops were staking out the trailer, but their commander is on Vandelay's payroll, so what's the problem? Bro.

There's also some business about a hottie inside officer (Eva Mendes) who has been undercover for 11 months, yet we're constantly reminded by the untrusting Roman that a tap may have been stuck into her booty by the bad guy. Undercover for 11 months as the mark's girlfriend and it takes an ex-con with a lowjack that nobody knows to suggest she might be getting the deep undercover. That's putting that model brain to work, Tyrese. Can you pose a little more for us during the film, especially before the tag team street race? Thanks. The ladies in the house appreciate it after we've seen more ass shots than the Juan Valdez edition of MTV Cribs. Br'a.

Oh Erik, you're being too critical about the script, plot, acting and misogyny. This film is about cars. OK, fair enough. Any whore critic out there who describes the car sequences in 2 Fast 2 Furious as some of the most amazing car chases, stunts, or footage ever filmed should be strapped to the hood of a Pinto and entered into a demolition derby. If I saw one more shot of a gearshift being adjusted or the clutch hit, I was going to scream as if I were watching Cronenberg's Crash again. When you long for the fantasy of what Hal Needham could have brought to the material, you get the picture. Bro.

And a car chase/race fails to qualify even in Pole Position II if more than half of it is CGI-induced. If you cringed at the two shots of generated cars in the trailers, prepare for the cold sweats as we're treated to rampant blue screens, close-ups and low angles of the people driving and not a single shot of adrenaline provided by someone other than the sound designers who earned their money with this one. There are a couple nice moments of speeding zig-zags and a failed attempt of one moron to bypass two semis on the inside. Other than that, Singleton's direction of the action has likely derailed the car chase genre forever into a wall of computer effects that will only inspire hacks way less talented than him to substitute the doppelgangers in place of genuine excitement. MAN-SSERIE!

When I read that Walker and Tyrese actually improvised most of their humorous dialogue, I didn't know whether to consider that the funniest thing ever to be put into print or to cry that the on-spot invention of drinking games is the next evolution of improv. In case you didn't notice a trend already, you'd be on your fifth drink already (not counting the third Seinfeld reference) and wouldn't be nearly as drunk as you would by the one-hour mark. If you also included those booty shots, stickshifts and clutch pushing, you'd be dead. One day someone will homophobically deconstruct 2 Fast 2 Furious the same way Tarantino did with Top Gun.The rampant macho man swagger on display and dialogue like "I got something for your ass" is enough to make the Village People go straight. And I say "someone" because I don't have the strength to ever view this a second time. I'm sure somewhere out there is a BMW commercial or a parking lot to gaze upon since either would provide more excitement.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=7617&reviewer=198
originally posted: 06/06/03 01:14:50
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User Comments

9/21/17 morris campbell same old shit minus douchebag diesel 1 stars
4/05/15 Cameron What a patronizing review. This was a highly entertaining and well-made film. 4 stars
2/15/09 Jeff Wilder What happened to John Singleton? 1 stars
6/14/08 CD It was pointless, dumb, and had me drooling because of the abundance of stupidity, DUMB! 1 stars
9/11/07 Caleb fuck u all it was a sick movie 5 stars
9/01/07 fgfftyh it is very cool 5 stars
6/13/07 michael this movie is cool 5 stars
5/16/07 sam disappointed as the first waas much better but have seen better 2 stars
5/15/07 Bilge Kašan Oran 10330 5 stars
3/10/07 Car Lover This is crap. Plastic cars doing impossible stuffs 1 stars
5/12/06 mr.seraph fast and the furious wasnt too great, and this movie is even worse 2 stars
3/27/06 Brian Meyer As fun as driving intoxicated, with all the after effects of the crash. fatalities included 1 stars
2/26/06 Anthony Feor Not the best sequel, but it was enjoyable 3 stars
12/22/05 cody a good sequel with even more car action and stunts, good story, and cool music vin is gone 4 stars
12/08/05 Saqib I was insulted upon considering what they must have thought of the viewers intellect 1 stars
11/25/05 Zenny I felt my IQ dropping the whole time 1 stars
10/05/05 Andrew Cramer This surpassed my incredibly low expectations, and not in a good way. 1 stars
8/31/05 Dyran Saggoonoo The stunts are not too cool ! 4 stars
8/28/05 Denzel Tomarra Very good movie 5 stars
8/20/05 tony it was good. I esspecially liked the car races! 3 stars
7/31/05 Bad Critic It made me hate the first one too! 2 stars
7/18/05 nathan yeates its mint 5 stars
4/24/05 OverTheRainbow if you are wanting male eye candy...this is the movie! 5 stars
4/16/05 sidman656 it had its action and it threw in some girls but there could've been more of a story to it 3 stars
4/15/05 Carol Conway Wasn't fast enough 2 stars
3/25/05 Denise not as good as the first 3 stars
3/12/05 Jester Disappointment after it's much better predecessor 2 stars
3/08/05 Carolyn Rathburn A lot of grand standing, but lots of action, twists and turns, love those cars 4 stars
3/02/05 jake benson it was fucking awsome 5 stars
3/02/05 David Tsung please...no more fast or furious 1 stars
3/01/05 Jack Bourbon Shockingly, not a masterpiece 2 stars
3/01/05 Colleen Goldrick 2 Slow 1 stars
2/01/05 Charlie Too Lame Too Stupid! 2 stars
12/30/04 Dan Wtf did I just watch? 1 stars
11/25/04 MICHAEL COOL BUT GOOD 3 stars
11/03/04 Rabekah Williams the first one sucked, the sec bombed hard, need i say more. 1 stars
10/02/04 Jackson Anderson sick mate 5 stars
9/10/04 Therese The film was really good 5 stars
8/16/04 ALDO The story in this was way better than part 1.... 4 stars
7/09/04 YASSER HUSSAIN THE FILM IS WICKED 5 stars
7/09/04 Jack An awful movie that reeks of shallowness and stupidity, Ah The Accident Of Birth 1 stars
6/25/04 Nick Clark it was a really cool movie 4 stars
6/24/04 james dont you think that this movie was just a bit exgerated like those lightheaded movie people 2 stars
6/02/04 J 1 WILD RIDE!!! 5 stars
5/31/04 Charlene Javier Pass me the Advil! 1 stars
5/27/04 the bride Brad Da Man Hales? You fuckin asshole. This movie sucks big fat Rhinoceros dick. GROW UP!! 1 stars
4/14/04 matt aprile it is the best movie ive seen about cars and i love cars 5 stars
3/30/04 Alex Awesome cars, great action, just as good as the first one. 5 stars
3/28/04 Brad Da Man Hales totally better than the 1st hope there's a 3rd 5 stars
3/19/04 Nannette this was a good movie 4 stars
3/18/04 Philip James Pattemore I loved the four wheel drives at the start 5 stars
3/13/04 Johnno Falcon piece of shit 1 stars
2/06/04 Lar 15 I absolutly loved the first one but this one was pure crap.Lame! 2 stars
1/28/04 J An Awesome jaw dropper! *** 5 stars
1/17/04 tadpole very good movie 4 stars
1/12/04 Nucleo I'd rather jam a flaming spork up my ass. 1 stars
12/30/03 Jason Maine go play video games like GTA3 or Vice City you dumb fucks! 1 stars
12/22/03 the Grinch Watch Monster Garage or buy Car + Driver.....they have more of a plot 1 stars
12/14/03 frank lohns its shit 1 stars
11/27/03 ben lang Its a wicked and andrenalin rushing movie 5 stars
11/13/03 matt cool 4 stars
11/08/03 John Jackoffski Absolute crap, i hated it and half the stunts were totally impossible. 1 stars
10/26/03 Zaharin Hamid aka The Movie Samseng I fucking hated this movie. It had nothing to do whatsoever with the first one. 1 stars
10/17/03 madsnake this movie is worse than rugrats in paris 1 stars
10/16/03 Nicci Even my bf appoligized for making us watch this junk! 1 stars
10/09/03 Squall01mv A buncha stickers and a tin wing Yeah cars look really great...for me to poop on 1 stars
9/28/03 Bubba it sucked green donky dicks - is there a 0 star rating? 1 stars
9/28/03 djacosta ” Hijos de la gran puta ! 1 stars
9/24/03 Haydn White It was a fast paced movie with alot of action with great looking cars 5 stars
9/22/03 jack i wanted to put a bullet in my brain at the theater 1 stars
8/27/03 JJ from da block Please, plastic cars and where's that VIN number dude? 1 stars
8/27/03 Ghetto Smurf Too fast and too furious for a good script *applause* 1 stars
8/17/03 palaboy101 the first movie was definitely better than this 3 stars
8/12/03 swebb I love cars,in every way and every form,but strangely i agree fully with you,TERRIBLE! 1 stars
8/11/03 Amy Would be improved greatly if Walker suddenly became mute. 1 stars
8/05/03 jess I loved it but not as good as the first one 4 stars
7/27/03 Christina It was alright, plot wasnt that good, but i still think it is worth watching at least once 4 stars
7/20/03 AntiRice Never have I seen anything that retarded in my life, lame cars, lame plot 'Nuff said 1 stars
7/19/03 jo blo this move is the crapest ever 1 stars
7/16/03 Terrance Rogers It was good, but Tyrese can't act 4 stars
7/15/03 carlin gazzola fuck the movie 1 stars
7/14/03 jon smith total shit 1 stars
7/07/03 D.A. it sucks reakky bad 1 stars
7/06/03 terance brown not as good as the first 1 4 stars
7/05/03 palaboy101 it's good, but not as memorable as the first movie 3 stars
7/04/03 italian stallion SIK CARS, SHIT ACTING!!! 2 stars
7/04/03 hitler hoganban sweetcars 1 stars
7/01/03 jerk jerk 1 stars
7/01/03 rick fallit it's shit 1 stars
6/29/03 chimney cheese This film stinks. Fast cars & bimbos wont interest me in a film with a woeful plot. 1 stars
6/28/03 Jordi Ok the movie was pretty good but pretty predictable but I think worth it! 4 stars
6/28/03 lick my nuts geeks you suck 4 stars
6/27/03 Atanu oh jeez. why bother 1 stars
6/25/03 Wade one word, Crap, I hate all this cops vs bad guy sh*t, walker and tyrese=beavis + butthead 2 stars
6/24/03 Tiffany See it if you like fast cars, not for the story line 4 stars
6/23/03 marzio arigoni@rtsi.ch simply terrible! Walker is not an actor, and Tyrese... 1 stars
6/22/03 joker cars are awesome 4 stars
6/22/03 Kym ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ..... oh mercy 1 stars
6/19/03 ^ZuLu^ Absolutely average and overdone (boat-scene!). Even the cars were just ok! 3 stars
6/19/03 Dale Birmingham Wow, this really is the worst i've seen yet 1 stars
6/18/03 Captain Highcrime 4 year olds playing with Hot Wheels can do better 2 stars
6/17/03 Large Farve Utter shit. Can't believe the news called this a 'cult classic' 1 stars
6/16/03 honda_racer Another Corporate film brainwashing idiots with product placement 1 stars
6/15/03 Artur really bad movie, can't compare to the first one 1 stars
6/15/03 Earl Dittman, Wireless Magazine What did you expect, spacemonkeys? It's a sequel to "The Fast and The Furious"! 1 stars
6/15/03 monkey slayer shit. pure shit. stick to the first one. 1 stars
6/15/03 h8tinglyf it sucked 1 stars
6/14/03 fart pipe use some real cars, enough of this rice shit 1 stars
6/13/03 killa this movie sucked donkey balls I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching it. 1 stars
6/12/03 Brian i have never heard a white and black guy call each other "bro" and "cuz" that many times 1 stars
6/11/03 Not Ebert an embarassment for John Singleton 1 stars
6/10/03 jeff lewis I might as well have set fire to $8.25 1 stars
6/10/03 Bryan acting sucked plot sucked, dialogue sucked, and the cars were ridicules, Where's Rob Cohen? 1 stars
6/10/03 Hobo Superstar Bra, wassup, I'm am be fin ta riz up n get my race on!!!1 1 stars
6/09/03 Candy Mercado I thought the movie was better than the first . Paul Walker looked hotter than ever. 4 stars
6/09/03 c berry Horrible Director 1 stars
6/09/03 Matt the movie sucked, the cars were not even that good 2 stars
6/08/03 Brian my faith in the movie industry continues to dwindle... 1 stars
6/08/03 Phil The movie sure makes you appricate sequels like godfather 3 alot more 1 stars
6/08/03 Gearhead Walker+Tyrese= hot gay action. Cars+mods=consumer fetishism. For 13 year olds only. 1 stars
6/07/03 Scott Young 100 minutes of rubbish. Couldn't be worse. 1 stars
6/07/03 Angolmois If you thought Matrix sucked donkeys, then this one eviscerates them through the same hole. 1 stars
6/07/03 heeee worse then the first 1 stars
6/07/03 Willie "ATLBLKICE" Simmons Tyrese saved this movie...just another shameful production to rip-off movie goers. 3 stars
6/06/03 synder dumb but entertaining 2 stars
6/06/03 kingroom.com Nothing Like The First Film Which Is A Crime 2 stars
6/06/03 FFEXTREME.COM THIS MOVIE 2 WORST 2 BORING,,,, MATRIX 2 WAS 10X BETTER 1 stars
6/06/03 Ronado Pee-Whew! 3 Action scenes and nothing else 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  06-Jun-2003 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  05-Jun-2003




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