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Overall Rating
  Awesome: 9.09%
Worth A Look: 12.88%
Just Average: 22.73%
Pretty Crappy: 30.3%
Sucks: 25%
7 reviews, 90 user ratings
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| League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The |
by Erik Childress
"Liable To Hack Off All Sorts Of Fans"
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Once upon a time there was a boy named Bastian. He wasn’t interested in the video arcade down the street, but in the small rectangular objects known as books. He delighted in tales of Captain Nemo and Tarzan; his imagination running wild with the kind of adventure and images that didn’t exist in reality. Ben, Wolfgang and Darren shared similar flights of fancy and I was a great fan of Flynn and Galen. Of course, those names may mean as much to you as the identity of my high school nemesis. Everyone knows Indiana Jones, but how about Jack Burton? That’s how The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is going to translate to its core summer audience. Many of whom will have no idea who these classic literary characters are or why its so clever to bring them together while those who do will get upset with what a disjointed, shoddy adventure they’ve been placed in.The original comic book by Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill (who get a laughable unending in-joke shot of their names on a poster) has its basis in the old Justice League stories where all the classic superheroes would gather together to fight a common foe. Transplant Allan Quatermain for Superman and you have the beginnings of the sort of concept where readers enjoy seeing an author’s previous characters popping up in their latest novel.
Novel concept notwithstanding, it’s the forming of its cleverness that draws us in momentarily during the standard “forming the team/gathering the troops” prelude (which lasts the course of a reasonably entertaining 45 minutes.) Sean Connery plays Quatermain, the famous African guide whose need for anonymity may explain why his named is only spelled correctly in the final credits. Allan has been called-in to stop the makings of a “World War” at the turn of the century; recruited by a man known only as “M” (as he was in the comic book; now another in-joke thanks to Connery’s Bond connection. No, not the Campion Bond of the graphic novel aka Chief of the British Secret Service.)
Seems like a bottom-heavy-handed explanation, but this is the grating approach used by the film’s screenplay to provide background information so the uninitiated can go “ohhhh...I get it.” Mina Harker (Peta Wilson) is now a vampire who reminds us of people she knew named Van Helsing and Dracula. Dorian Gray (Stuart Townsend) expositions himself around that mysterious aging painting that he dare not look upon. Then there’s Captain Nemo with the kung-fu grip (Naseeruddin Shah), Dr. Jekyll (Jason Flemyng) whose alter-ego looks like the CGI equivalent of Hans & Franz, the thief of The Invisible Man (Tony Curran) since H.G. Wells’ estate didn’t comply and an American secret agent named Sawyer. Tom Sawyer (Shane West). It’s an impressive fantasy book club team. And an absolute waste.
You would think that with Gray’s indestructible Superman (complete with his own Kryptonite), Jekyll’s Hulk complex and Mina’s Wonder Woman abilities, that the filmmakers could have concocted a more cohesive blend of action and fantasy than this. Director Stephen Norrington (Blade) blows just about every opportunity and when all else fails, just blows up every shoddy CGI background in his wake. After a few early action asides (sold mostly by Connery’s never-aging spring in his step), Norrington delivers one of the most ineptly constructed set pieces I’ve ever seen in a big-budget adventure. It’s as if the characters are making up ADR dialogue on-the-spot to tell us what needs to be done to stop “the bomb” when any savvy filmgoer can just suggest that they turn off the projector.
An idea like “LXG” (an acronym probably invented to reap comparisons to the X-Men) needs to either have full confidence in its origins or just have cheeky fun with its own ingenuity. It’s impractical to have it both ways. Screenwriter James Dale Robinson adds such groaners like referring to the head villain as the Phantom (“how operatic”, says Quatermain), throwaway gags (Mellville’s Ishmael welcomes them into the great whale of the Nautilus) and continually insults the audience’s intelligence with his elucidation of the origins. Then he expects those of us familiar with them to be outguessed by the league’s saboteur (the only one with an incontestable desire for evil) as well as that skull-tipped cane and THEN for the dolts he holds in such low regard to know who that villain is when his actual identity is revealed. Robinson’s certainly playing a game I’d love to give a foot to.The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is an epic mess on just about every conceivable level. It’s loud, alternately garish and boorish and is going to hack off literary connoisseurs, comic book lovers and movie fans alike. That’s an epic entertainment trifecta to be wishing they were H.G. Wells’ Time Traveler. Norrington just about eliminates any chance of turning this into an exhilarating franchise, leaving us to create our own specialized dream teams and him on the unemployment line where he won’t have the chance to piss off anymore of his lead actors. I can look no further than just the past three weeks of the 2003 summer to gather Bruce Banner, the Terminator and Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean into a character list worthy of my dreams. But thus, after LXG, it can only exist in my imagination.
link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=7888&reviewer=198
originally posted: 07/11/03 01:01:06
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USA
11-Jul-2003 (PG-13)
UK
N/A
Australia
02-Oct-2003
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