I want to make one thing clear: I only watched this movie because I was tired of getting into arguments with my girlfriend over a movie I had never seen. Quite awhile back, I made Stef (the light of my life) watch "Raising Arizona," hoping to impart some culture upon her fragile little mind. She didn't find it amusing and has been hounding me about it ever since. When she won't stop making fun of that classic film, I simply retort: "At least I didn't like 'Top Gun'."At this point, she yells, "You've never even seen 'Top Gun'!"
So I decided to bite the proverbial bullet and rent the cassette from the local video store. As soon as I popped the tape into my VCR, I knew I was in trouble--the picture was all fuzzy, which meant that people had watched it. Many people.
And, as we all know, young Chef hates all popular movies. What is it that makes me despise these films so? Maybe it's the fact that you uncultured, ignorant swines have no taste in movies whatsoever. Or maybe I'm just an antisocial dickhead who takes pride in pissing on the hopes and dreams of so many.
Either way, I knew I was not gonna like "Top Gun."
And, you know what? I didn't. My instincts were actually with me this time. In a year of being hopelessly disappointed (The Blair Witch Project, every other movie I've seen) and pleasantly surprised (Summer of Sam), "Top Gun" gave me exactly what I thought it would.
The film centers around a prestigious flight school and the fierce competition for a trophy (or something...I wasn't really paying all that much attention--it's the kind of movie where you don't have to). It all entails a lot of male bonding and homo erotic subtext, plus lots of neat aerial combat (note the sarcasm).
I guess the viewing public enjoys this film for the dogfight scenes, which to me looked like just a bunch of planes. I don't find heavy machinery all that exciting (except for cement trucks; I get hard just thinking about those sexily rotating bastards), so I'm not really the core audience for this film.I could go on about the terrible dialogue, the illiterate direction, the overall incompetent feel...but it would be pointless, because I know you're going to watch it anyways (for the fourth time). Me? I don't think I'll be viewing it again anytime soon. I mean, I love my girlfriend--but THAT much?