|
|
| New On Home Video: April 20, 2004 |
Usually Updated Each Monday Evening |
by Randy Muselman
Well the old fat guy is back after being lost in the ether for a couple of weeks. The real bitch of the entire situation is that I couldn't even call it a vacation because it sure as hell wasn't fun. Regardless, we have a ton of DVD releases to talk about this week, more so than usual, so click on in and let the fat man hand you the word on what's hitting the street this coming Tuesday.
While there are many titles for you to pick and choose from this week, there are three that are going to be classified as the titles you will recognize from the box office. The rest of what is hitting home video shelves this week are either titles that are being re-priced, meaning that they were released some time ago and the price has been reduced, or titles you will have no friggin clue as to where they came from or what the hell they are about.
Either way, you can't bitch too much, because there are so damn many for you to wrap your greedy little fingers around. How about we start off with something I'd rather like to think of as "wet-n-messy."
First, I have just one question. What the fuck was all the Oscar buzz around Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World? I mean give me a break, the film was alright, one might even call it an epic adventure. But as far as I'm concerned, Russell Crowe didn't deserve shit for his performance. The film overall could have been worse, but all the damn action was either at the beginning or at the end of the film, and that really pissed me off. From what I saw of the trailers for the film, the entire film was going to be one big action packed adventure. Instead, I sit down and watch this film and get jerked off for a couple of hours. Just like some little sexually deprived geek, this film blew its wad in the first few minutes and then left you whining about why there wasn't more.
You can disagree with me all you like about Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World but the studio should get off their lazy asses and at least let the trailer for the film tell you the truth. Of course, I guess when you budget 150 million for a film and only grab about 94 million at the box office here in the good old U.S.A., then you can always sit around the table during a business meeting going "Harrumph Harrumph Harrumph" which translates into "Hey, we lost our asses but damned if we didn't pick up some Oscars."
Ty Burr of The Boston Globe said of Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World The opening 15 minutes of Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World are so well crafted that they restore your faith in commercial cinema. Well, Ty, at least you got the first 15 minutes right. Overall, our staffers here at the site pretty well agree for the most part that it's worth a look. If you'd like to see our staffs complete reviews, you can CLICK HERE. I'd have to agree, it's worth a watch, and at least you won't have had to pay eight bucks to go see the film, but Oscars? No friggin way. Personally, I thought the kids (Max Pirkis) in the film far outdid Crowe's performance. I now await your rotten fruit to be thrown my way for trashing this film.
Moving on to more film that perhaps should have all been left on the cutting room floor. Eddie Murphy leads the cast in Haunted Mansion. I'm getting the hell scared out of me just thinking about this flop. Why is it I feel that if they'd left Eddie Murphy out of this film, it would have been more fun. Personally, and of course, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, Murphy seemed like he didn't even have a script to follow in The Haunted Mansion. His lines kept reminding me of Donkey's personality in Shrek. Now that's a film I did like.
While I thought Marsha Thompson (cast as Sara Evers) delivered a credible performance, and the kids were cute, Murphy just seemed out of place during the entire film. Overall, the effects were alright, the butler (Terence Stamp as Ramsley) while stuffy still caught my attention more than Murphy. The singing Busts (no we ain't talking tits here) made me think I was on some damn amusement park ride rolling down the tracks while they sang. Go Figure.
Our staff reviews on The Haunted Mansion pretty much lean to the pretty crappy or sucks rating, but if you'd like to read the full review by our staffers, then just CLICK HERE. I'd have to say that if you have kids, you most likely are going to get stuck with renting or buying this film. You can suffer through it, but, I'd like to think I can expect more of a film when Eddie Murphy is headlined.
The last and final of our box office titles this week includes Win A Date With Tad Hamilton. As I was contemplating what to write about this film, I was reading Dr. Chumley's review and I think I would have to agree with him. There are quite a few odds and ends during this film.
Quote: Dr. Chumley
Specifically: I find it difficult to believe that a 22-year-old boy from West Virginia would end up the general manager of a grocery story. Even Rosalee and Cathys reactions to Tad Hamilton seem entirely out of place for someone over the age of 14.
To continue on, The film starts with Rosalee and Cathy wanting to "win a date" but they have to come up with a $125.00 donation to enter the contest. Next we see that yep, sure enough, we have a winner. I have to wonder how much of this shit wound up on the cutting room floor, and that's just one scene. Talk about editing.
While this film seems to be targeted more to the teenager, it should have been re-written and targeted to the bubble gum girls, as even though we have adults in the script, you can tell right from the start they all need to act about 12 for the writing.
Staff reviews for Win A Date With Tad Hamilton rage from just average to pretty crappy, but if you want to read them, then just CLICK ON IN. Personally, I'd say forget this film, saying that it sucks would be too kind.
Well, now that I've managed to trash all three films from the box office this week, we should probably move on. I think I can feel some if not all of this weeks readers breathing down my neck. Should I call a mortician?
I think the proper thing for you to do at this point is grab the biggest jar of Vaseline you can find, because boys and girls, it's going to be a LONG ride from here. You ready for this? Don't get nauseous now.
Here is a list of all of the DVD's I could find hitting home video shelves this week. Remember, some are going to be listed that you've seen before, and these most likely are what are referred to as re-priced. Meaning that while you paid twenty bucks when it originally came out on the market, you can grab it for a whole lot less now. There are so damn many, I didn't even separate the TV series from the plain old video.
20th Century Masters
3 Women: Criterion Collection
99.9: La Frecuencia Del Terror
Abcd
Agency
Alexander Calder (American Masters)
All Aboard for Bed
All for the Winner
Alterna Hits 2
American Masters: The Artists (Richard Avedon / Alexander Calder / Robert Rauschenberg / Man Ray / Norman Rockwell / Alfred Stieglitz)
Andrew Dice Clay: Dice Rules!
Andromeda: Season 3 Collection 4
As Young As You Feel
August 8,1959 at Town Hall Party
Aura Battler Dunbine: Return to Byston (Vol. 5)
Behind the Decks
Berg: Lulu
Beyond the Call of Duty
Big Comfy Couch: When It's Winter & Cool It
The Big Empty
Big Wednesday
Black Sheep Boy: Decodings
Bloodmoon
Blood of the Ninja
Bonhoeffer
Border Warz
Brahms: Ein Deutsches Requiem
Bug
Call Me Madam
Carreteras Secundarias
CGA Celebration Tour
Charade (Criterion)
The Circuit 2
Classic Country Comedy
Clowning in the Rain
Common Ground
Cracker: The Complete Third Season
Crash Masters Collection: Master Strik
Crime 101
Crisscross
Dark Harvest
DC Shoes Presents: DC Video
Demon Slayer
Detonator
Dias De Boda
Dlug
The Double-D Avenger (Hey now! We are an equal opportunity website, and it doesn't hurt that us male staffers like big tits)
Douce Violence
Duel With The Devils
El Lado Oscuro Del Corazon 2
Exploited 83-87 Live at Palm Grove
Eye of the Eagle
Eye Of The Eagle 2: Inside The Enemy
Eye Of The Eagle 3
Fatal Needles, Fatal Fists
Fisher Price: Baby Moves
Fisher Price: Nature Baby
The Floating Landscape
Floating Weeds (Criterion)
The Flower of Evil
Food for the Spirit
Fool For Love
Force Of Evil: Evil Comes...Alive
For the Moment
Four Seasons
Getting There
A Girl's Affair
Give My Regards To Broad Street
A Good Night To Die
A Handful Of Dust
Heavenly Legend
Helter Skelter
He's A Woman, She's A Man
A High Wind In Jamaica
The Hi-Line
Holiday in the Sun
Hour of the Wolf (Vargtimmen)
Hour Of The Wolf: Special Edition
iGUIDE: Hitman 3 Contracts
Impaler: DVD
Incident At Oglala: The Leonard Peltier Story
The Ingmar Bergman Special Edition DVD Collection (Persona / Shame / Hour of the Wolf / The Passion of Anna / The Serpent's Egg)
In My Skin
Into the Fire (1987)
Jackie Greene: Broken Hearts Dusty Roads
Jazz Masters: Vintage Collection
Just One Look
Kaaterskill Falls
Killer Buzz
Kill Zone
King Of New York: Special Edition
Kirby: Dark & Stormy Night
Klansman
Knights Of The Zodiac: Out Of Arena (Vol. 3)
Knockabout
Know Your No-No's
Kung Fu Kids
La Bandera
La Mujer Del Puerto
The Last Of Sheila
A League Of Their Own: Special Edition
Let's Make it Legal
Little People: Creativity Collection
Little People: Friendship Collection
Live in Chicago
Los Hombres Calientes: Live At The House Of Blues
Love Nest
Mao-Chan (Volume 4)
Martial Arts Theater #8
Mary and Rhoda
Men And Women
Meteors: Attack Of The Chainsaw Mutant
Miffy & Friends: Miffy's Playtime
Miffy & Friends: Miffy's Springtime Adventure
Music of Mass Destruction- Live in Chicago (DVD with bonus CD)
Nam Angels
The Neville Brothers & Friends: Tell It Like It Is
New Friends/Little Puppy
Nine Dead Gay Guys
No Sleep 'Til Madison
Nova: Dogs And More Dogs
November 15,1958 at Town Hall Party
November 6,1954 at Town Hall Party
On Tour
The Ordeal Of Dr. Mudd
Our Lips Are Sealed
Out Of The Ashes
Ozark Savage
Pandavas: The Five Warriors
The Park
Passport To Paris
P.D. James: A Mind To Murder
A Perfect Candidate
Phase IV
Pirates of Tortuga
The Playboys
Pop Rock & Reggaeton Latino
Power Play
Prime Suspect 4: Inner Circles
Prime Suspect 5
Recipe for Disaster
Red Light, Green Light
Reefer Madness (Restored Edition)
River of No Return
Robert Rauschenberg: Inventive Genius (American Masters)
Roxie Hart
The Scoundrel's Wife
Seal IV
Second Coming
Shame
Shame: Special Edition
Siempre Te Amare
The Silver Stallion
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World: Season Two
Star!
Step in Faith
Step Into Liquid
Still Life (1988)
Stranded
Suckers
Switching Goals
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Tenchi Muyo Gxp: Academy Life Vol 2
Thee Headcoates &Thee Milkshakes: Ban
The Third Wheel
This Is Circumstantial Evidence
This Is Not a Love Song
Totally Spies: First Secret Missions
Totally Spies: The Getaway
Trust Me
Tube
Ultimate Fighting Championship: Revolution (10th Anniverary Edition): Revolution
Ultraman Tiga, Vol. 3: Guts Headquarters Under Attack
Underground P.D.
Une Ravissante Idiote
Voices of Our Time: Felicity Lott
Voices of Our Time: Ian Bostridge
Wagner: Der Meistersinger
Wagner: Die Walkure
Wasted
The Wedding Dress
Wedding Peach: Pluie's War (Vol. 2)
Welcome to Spring Break
We're Not Married
When Eagles Strike
When It's Winter
White Commanche
White Knuckle Extreme: Disorder IV: Ride The Lightning
White Knuckle Extreme: Divine Intervention
White Knuckle Extreme: H20 2003 Winter Classic
Wild Things 2
Wild Things (R-Rated Edition) / Wild Things 2
Wild Things (Unrated Edition)
Willie Nelson: Live At Billy Bob's Texas
Windfall
Wish You Were Here
Ying Yang Twins: Puttin' It In
You Do Your Thing
Your Kung Fu Is No Good
Now, lest we forget, lets take a quick peek and see what you good people are renting this week. All rentals are based on what is renting nationwide. Listing provided by the kind folks at billboard.com.
1. Somethings Gotta Give
2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
3. Gothika
4. The Rundown
5. Brother Bear
6. Honey
7. Mona Lisa Smile
8. School Of Rock
9. The Missing
10. Dr. Seuss' Cat In The Hat
So there you have it, yet another week done. Now you know what is available for you to grab this week on home video, and that should satisfy the sexually deprived video geek in all of us. See you next week.
Hey, Erik!! You seen that damn lawyer of mine
.
link directly to this feature at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/feature.php?feature=1094
originally posted: 04/19/04 21:00:39
last updated: 04/20/04 01:09:10
![[printer]](/images/icon/printer.gif) printer-friendly format
|
 |
|
Articles 
subscribe to this feed
