|An Open Letter to Transformers Fans
by Rob Gonsalves
Worst. Manners. Ever.
Dear 'Transformers' fans who keep slamming anyone who didn't adore it as much as you did: Enough is enough. Seriously. You dug the flick. We GET it. So knock off the name-calling. You're just making yourselves look like assholes.
Let me explain a little something to you. The folks who review flicks here at Hollywood Bitchslap/eFilmCritic don't get paid. We do it because we love movies. All kinds of movies, not just art-house films about repressed 60-year-old widows drinking cups of coffee. We go to a film like Transformers knowing pretty much what we're going to get: giant robots. And that's fine. Giant-robot movies can be fun, and we all sat down hoping to have some good summer giant-robot fun. There are some of us who didn't have fun. And that's also fine. Not according to some of you, though. Because we didn't like it, we're idiots, we're gay, we're whatever. We get hate mail, we get nasty comments underneath the review, etc.
Dudes, where do you get off ripping on us just for disliking something you didn't? What the fuck? We didn't call you names for liking the shit. What makes you think it's acceptable for you to smear us? Normally we just laugh at your bullshit and maybe forward it to our buddies in the critics' community to show what kind of moronic flames we get. But it's way past time someone called you publicly on your social retardation. In fact, if I get any rude emails in response to this feature, I'm gonna post 'em right here. Including the email addresses. So, as Jack Napier says in Batman, you better be sure.
You people aren't just going after us, though. Outlaw Vern at AICN had the gall to post a negative review of Transformers, and the result has been one of the longest, pissiest talkbacks ever. To me, this is hilarious because Vern is the polar opposite of a snob critic. He likes Steven Seagal flicks, he loves the original Die Hard, he loves any action movie as long as it's good and you can actually see what the hell is going on. Yet he got slammed as if he didn't understand what an action flick even is. If even Vern isn't safe from you dorks, nobody is.
Seriously, what the shit is wrong with you all? Can't you just accept that not everyone is going to agree 100% with you? Does the fact that someone else insulted Transformers ruin the movie for you? Does it ruin your entire life? Man up, motherfuckers, and get a thicker skin.
What do you care if you don't agree with our reviews? Are you paying to read them? Are you, in effect, paying our salaries? No, because we have no salaries, so have a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up with a side order of get the fuck over yourself.
Now, what you say to the guy critics is sort of lame and laughable, since you seem to think calling us fags is gonna immobilize us and ruin our Tuesday. But what you say to female critics is just disgusting. Do you even know any women? Or do you just know the ones you jerk off to on the web? Knock it off and show some respect.
Normal people, when they read a movie review they don't agree with, will just shrug and say "Oh well. The flick didn't do it for you. I liked it a lot." (Or vice versa.) But you fanboys? It's like you think the studio is going to recall Transformers and burn every print because some critics didn't like it. It's like you think there's only your opinion and everyone else's is faggy and crap. GROW UP.
It's a big wide world out there. There's diversity of opinion. And when you show such outrage over a goddamn movie about robots, instead of, say, getting pissed off about the actual outrages going on all over the planet, you just look like shitheads.
So. Go to movies. Enjoy them. Or don't enjoy them. And, for Christ's sake, be secure enough in your own opinion that you don't flip the fuck out every time you read an opinion that doesn't echo yours. Other people exist, asshats.
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originally posted: 07/09/07 11:22:16
last updated: 07/09/07 12:03:49