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Harry Knowles Photoshop contest

 
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MrTinkles
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 1:52 pm    Post subject: Harry Knowles Photoshop contest Reply with quote

So Ain't It Cool's Harry Knowles, the giant barnacle on the butt of online film criticism, has somehow gotten married. This is horrifying, of course, but Fark.com is helping ease the pain with a Photoshop contest. You can see people's entries, many of which are very funny, right here.
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Rob Gonsalves
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 5:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

William Goss wrote:
Oz is still recovering from this bombshell.


Oz wrote:
We’d all seen Knowles at SXSW, motoring around in his laboring wheelchair, occasionally struggling with crutches, sweating profusely and smelling like a mixture of “urine and ass”...

Knowles is beyond obese, and seemingly hasn’t ever shaved his ginger beard or cut his stringy, sweaty, disgusting hair...

Knowles likes to portray an image that, despite his physical sloth-like state, he's still a bit of a ladies man. He liberally peppers his 'reviews' with mentions of sex and women he's flirted with and how he would have scored with this chick if only something hadn't happened. The truth is that Knowles can barely move under his own steam any more. At the SXSW festival in Austin Texas, Knowles was spotted slowly rambling around town in his motorized La-Z-Boy more than a few times, only once actually grabbing a pair of crutches to make his way around the convention center. Sure, being a fatty isn't a crime, but passing yourself off as a ladies man when the people who sat behind you at the Paramount in Austin had to move because of the smell is just wrong. And yes, I witnessed this first hand. Or should I say first nose.


Love is blind, I guess. Or noseless.
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David Cornelius
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 6:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The wedding invitations were printed on shit-brown paper with random capital lettering and numerous spelling errors. It also contained a spoiler alert: their wedding night involves a series of levers and pulleys.
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y2mckay
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anybody else thinking "Mail Order from the Phillipines"?

Poor girl . . .
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CharlesTatum



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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 8:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

y2mckay wrote:
Anybody else thinking "Mail Order from the Phillipines"?

Poor girl . . .


Crushed to death like that . . .
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Dawn Taylor
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Someone married him?

I just threw up in my mouth a little.
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Rob Gonsalves
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dawn Taylor wrote:
Someone married him?

I just threw up in my mouth a little.


Harry's wife just threw up in his mouth a little.

And he said "Oh, goody! I got a chunky bit!"
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But I wish the public could, in the midst of its pleasures, see how blatantly it is being spoon-fed, and ask for slightly better dreams.

- Iris Barry, Let's Go to the Movies, 1926
----------
Shoot him again. His soul is still dancing.
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Dawn Taylor
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rob Gonsalves wrote:
Harry's wife just threw up in his mouth a little.

And he said "Oh, goody! I got a chunky bit!"


Ack! Ack! No nononono! Wrong! DO NOT WANT.
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David Cornelius
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 12:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dawn Taylor wrote:
Ack! Ack! No nononono! Wrong! DO NOT WANT.


Coincidentally, those were her wedding vows.
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Rob Gonsalves
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The ultimate in horror...

Eli Roth's
HARRY KNOWLES' WEDDING NIGHT

"Fucking disgusting, man."
- Oz, EFILMCRITIC.COM

"Ack! Ack! No nononono! Wrong! DO NOT WANT."
- Dawn Taylor, EFILMCRITIC.COM

"There's a moment in Harry Knowles' Wedding Night when Harry's wife disappears completely up his ass and he farts her out, then licks the [MODERATOR NOTE: Okay, this is really taking it too far. Fuck this noise.]
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But I wish the public could, in the midst of its pleasures, see how blatantly it is being spoon-fed, and ask for slightly better dreams.

- Iris Barry, Let's Go to the Movies, 1926
----------
Shoot him again. His soul is still dancing.
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f*r*o*s*t*y
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

y2mckay wrote:
Anybody else thinking "Mail Order from the Phillipines"?

Poor girl . . .


That was the conclusion Scott and I came to.

Well, at least the "mail order" part. I don't know where she came from (haven't seen 'er) and I think Scott was too high to speculate.
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