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Overall Rating

Awesome: 1.1%
Worth A Look: 12.09%
Just Average: 10.99%
Pretty Crappy: 31.87%

7 reviews, 49 user ratings

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Snake Eyes
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by Chef ADogg

"I never noticed how big Carla Gugino's breasts were on Spin City."
1 stars

"Snake Eyes" is pretty much the ultimate Brian De Palma movie. Not that that's a good thing.

I love De Palma when he's on (see "Carlito's Way," "Carrie," "Dressed to Kill," "Body Double"...okay, maybe not "Body Double"), but "Snake Eyes" is about as off as a movie can possibly get.

It reminded me very heavily of "Raising Cane"--never a good thing. Nic Cage has the hammy-Lithgow role, and by this point, anyone who hasn't seen his earlier work in the eighties wouldn't even know that he's a good actor whoring himself to pay the bills.

It just seems like De Palma spent so much money tricking out his fucking camera that he couldn't afford a real actor, and he decided to hire a bug eyed retard.

Not that there's anything wrong with bug eyed retards--God bless 'em. I just don't want the freaky bastards in my fucking movie!

One thing you CAN say for Cage--he's more entertaining than the rest of this movie. While I will admit that I was amazed by the tracking shot that kicks the movie off, I must also include the fact that I get excited very easily.

After the cinematic blast of the opening, though, the movie sinks faster than a bad director force fed his own shitty reels of film and dropped in a lake. I mean, it's ludicrous, it's hammy, it's overwrought--and it's not even suspenseful. Did anybody NOT know who the fifth person was after the first ten minutes?

It would be unfair for me, though, to write an entire review without mentioning Carla Gugino's marvelous jugs. When she went into that bathroom and removed her shirt, I sat on the edge of my seat, biting my fingernails, waiting for her to unclasp her bra.

It never happened, of course, 'cause De Palma is under the impression he's making a good movie. And there can be no nudity in a good, artful film.

I'd say the lack of boobies represents everything that's wrong with this picture. De Palma believes in what he's filming--he can't see through his own warped lens. Unlike a real master like Scorsese, who cuts through the haze with a clear directorial focus, big Bri can't transcend his need to juice every scene.

It's like he can't see the cinematic forest through Carla Gugino's breasts.

I don't know what I just said. But I said something.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=11&reviewer=123
originally posted: 08/20/99 02:32:43
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User Comments

10/25/08 Shaun Wallner Very Boring! 1 stars
1/15/07 Ole Man Bourbon Stupid crap 1 stars
4/10/06 Indrid Cold Not bad at all. Fairly unique and entertaining. 3 stars
12/22/04 Jason Kaul I suppose it could be worse. I would love to see the redhead and Gugino dyke on camera. 3 stars
10/08/04 Denise I love Cage 2 stars
4/18/04 Gobsmack Not great, but Cage's preformance and that AMAZING intro tracking shot make it worthwhile. 4 stars
2/17/04 john incoherent with a truly awful story - painful to watch 1 stars
5/22/03 mr. Pink First twenty minutes are breathtakingly good. But it descends into an awful ending. 3 stars
3/19/03 Jack Sommersby I think this sucks even more than De Palma's "Bonfire of the Vanities". 1 stars
10/26/02 MarktheShark6 Nicholas Cage has had better, but I think the plot here isn't too bad. 3 stars
10/22/02 palaboy101 The VCD promised "a highly entertaining action thriller"... Seeing is truly believing! 2 stars
8/08/01 E-Funk You fucking Hitchcock hack! DePalma, grow a pair! 1 stars
5/04/01 The Moorhen Started off with potential... then Cage came on screen. And all those camera angles - shit 1 stars
3/31/01 Miguel What a piece of shit movie. Brian DePalma and Nic Cage both need to retire like yesterday 1 stars
2/13/01 Jake Much better than the Rock. Ok thats not saying much. LOL 3 stars
10/13/00 Terrie Smith Pretty predictable; hard to keep awake watching this one. 1 stars
1/02/00 Nice Guy Eddie Not a masterpiece but definitely worth the money to rent. 4 stars
12/18/99 Matthew Smith the worst nicholas cage film ever, a dog of a film. 2 stars
9/22/99 Matt Nicolas Cage... ENUF said! This movie SUCKS MAJOR ALL ASS!!! 1 stars
7/19/99 Chef ADogg Cage has now been demoted to the status of taltentless fuckhead 1 stars
4/27/99 NicholasCageSucks Shit on celluloid - worthy of Nicholas Cage! 1 stars
3/15/99 the_machine god-awful, what was Cage thinking? 1 stars
3/15/99 Go Swans Hint to De Palma - hire a scriptwriter next time. This was poor. Very poor. 2 stars
2/22/99 videopirate Carla is a babe 3 stars
1/16/99 Shadow Raider What a hodown. Cage's at it again. Bastard ruined Snake Eyes. 2 stars
12/06/98 Rupert Ritzick That Gary Sinese ain't Japanesee 1 stars
10/24/98 Ash This movie could of been really good but only succeeds in making you look at your watch. 2 stars
10/07/98 Armageddon See this movie for CAGE alone... Not bad, not great. Cage is super. 3 stars
10/07/98 Korny Island Shockingly awful. Depalma has lost the plot. Cage is so ripe for a fall. 1 stars
10/07/98 Scott R Was a good date flick! 3 stars
10/03/98 MR HOLLYWOOD !! NICOLAS TRIES TOO HARD (but still rules) BRIAN DE PALMA is a great!! director....... 3 stars
10/01/98 {{{OZ}}} Daddy Rich is too used to crap. Wouldn't see this again if you paid me. Well, for $50 maybe 1 stars
9/30/98 Daddy Rich Ryan A. doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. I loved it you shitbag!! 5 stars
9/28/98 Marty in St.Louis The freakin trailer gave away the ENTIRE MOVIE. If it smells like poop it is! 2 stars
9/20/98 Maegs I liked the noirish feel and the opening scene, but the characters were stale. 2 stars
9/17/98 Christian I thought it was a great acyion mystery type film and Cage is great. 4 stars
9/13/98 Chip Taylor End isn't so good but hell half the movies out there have bad plots so .... 4 stars
9/11/98 Bart Barton Cage is way overrated 1 stars
9/06/98 ARMA-FUCK'N-GEDDON Come on, it wasn't THAT bad.. Cage was great, opening scene was great, rest OK at best... 4 stars
9/05/98 Kid Pee-Pee DePalma should be ashamed. This was so bad. How could he leave his name on it? Cage=poison. 1 stars
9/04/98 Jon It TRULY was one of the worst movies I have ever seen---but Nic Cage still rocks (not here) 1 stars
9/04/98 pooky the bald Nic Cage is a complete non talent. This whole film was an excuse for the opening shot. Shit 1 stars
9/03/98 Scott Taylor One of the worst movies I have ever seen. Send it back to hell. 1 stars
8/30/98 Drasord Poor character build-up, weak plot, lacks originality. 3 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball S.H.I.T. 1 stars
8/22/98 Vincent Watching this makes one wonder how Brian DePalma ever made any GOOD films 2 stars
8/22/98 Mister Whoopee Tedious, convoluted crap 2 stars
8/13/98 sean The assassin and senator die in the first scene. I envied them. 1 stars
8/12/98 {{OZ}} I hear it bites 2 stars
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  30-Jul-1998 (R)
  DVD: 19-Aug-2003



Directed by
  Brian De Palma

Written by
  Brian De Palma
  David Koepp

  Nicolas Cage
  Gary Sinise
  John Heard
  Carla Gugino
  Stan Shaw
  Kevin Dunn

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