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Awesome: 7.35%
Worth A Look: 9.56%
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Pretty Crappy: 30.88%
Sucks: 11.76%

11 reviews, 70 user ratings

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Blade: Trinity
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by David Cornelius

"Another lousy Wesley Snipes movie. No surprise here."
2 stars

Here’s the short review: If you liked the first two “Blade” movies, you’ll like “Blade Trinity,” too. And if, like me, you thought the others were crap, you won’t be impressed by this third entry. That’s all there is to it, really. Oh, except that Van Wilder shows up, and that helps things a bit.

As a guy who thought the first movie was a laughable mess and the second was little improvement, I found myself surprisingly entertained by a decent sized chunk of “Trinity.” This is mostly thanks to a much needed sense of comic relief, humor to offset Wesley Snipes’ ridiculously overserious action star posturing/complete apathy toward everything else. The yuks come in the form of Ryan Reynolds, who pretty much plays the same smartass he plays in every movie, only this time, he’s a vampire hunter. (There’s also the underuse of Patton Oswalt in a bit role that adds some fun, but as he’s barely seen here, it’s up to Reynolds to make the movie tolerable.) There’s a great deal of giggling to be had when Reynolds tosses off dopey lines like “I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly!” Tee hee.

So what’s the Pizza Place dude doing in a Blade movie? Turns out he and Jessica Biel are slayers who pop by to help Blade fight the good fight once Blade’s chum, Whistler (Kris Kristofferson, looking yet again like Drunk Santa), bites the dust once more; I swear, this Whistler fella dies what, seven times in each of these movies?

Anyway, Van Wilder, Willie Mays Hayes, and the “7th Heaven” sweetie team up to battle the First Vampire (Dominic Purcell), aka Dracula, aka Drake, aka Dagon, aka Geoffrey Q. Ticklebottom, Esq. This generic Eurotrash ubervamp has been dug up by vampire villainess Parker Posey, who, sadly, acts exactly like you’d expect Parker Posey to act in a “Blade” movie - overly outrageous in a self-aware, campish manner, but annoyingly so. (Worse, I can see next Halloween: thousands of pretentious goth chicks running around dressed up like Parker Posey. Yay.)

Anyway again, Parker Posey wants Drake to kill Blade, or whatever, before Blade’s new cohorts devise some sort of supervirus that’ll wipe out all the vamps in the world, or, again, whatever. At least the plot makes more sense than the last two movies, which isn’t really saying much, I suppose. Still, it’s all just piffle on which to hang a series of fight scenes and smartass one-liners.

Which reminds me... isn’t this supposed to have a mild level of horror to it? You know, vampires and all? Yeah, I know at its heart its an action movie, but considering the efforts “Blade II” took to add some creepiness, you’d think there’d be more jumps to “Trinity” than there are (which add up to one scene in which Natasha Lyonne gets stalked in the dark by Drake, yawn). This is supposed to be the First Vampire, the scariest mofo of the bunch! Here’s a chance to really dig deep and combine action and horror, and all writer/director David S. Goyer (who wrote all three of these films) gives us are a few weak attempts at minor creepiness.

But then, even as a straight actioner, “Trinity” falls flat. Snipes looks like he doesn’t even want to be here, and the rest of the cast have to work overtime to pick up the slack. Meanwhile, there’s no zing to any of the action set pieces, no thrills to the storyline. The only thing keeping one watching is the banter, and even that gets tired after a while. So while this third entry is the best in the series, it’s still a long way off from being the clever thrill ride it thinks it is.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=11192&reviewer=392
originally posted: 12/14/04 15:01:18
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User Comments

2/20/17 morris campbell pretty good nothing more 3 stars
7/22/08 JM Synth Lame; Biel and especially Reynolds don't help matters 2 stars
6/21/08 David V This trilogy went from badass to just bad. 1 stars
4/14/08 Andrew I was very dissappointed in the ending of this shit. Blade didn't make it! He died. 1 stars
3/02/08 John Millheim very cool, the best Blade out there 5 stars
7/13/07 MaDmAN All big bad "Drake" could do was threaten babies and little girls weak movie all around 3 stars
6/07/07 pete pretty good, enjoyed the comedy and action, but could have been alot better 3 stars
4/11/07 rimrhino Liked Reynolds, hated Purcell, Snipes still kicks ass, but it's time kill the series. 4 stars
1/30/07 William Boyle Boring and witless. A video game pretending to be a film. 1 stars
1/20/07 del The absolute bottom-of-the-barrel worst of the three...and that's saying something. 1 stars
9/27/06 Los Angeles Free Home Insurance plan Home L0ans 4 stars
9/02/06 Dragon The Artist Ditch the "scientfic" aspects,political correctness, & that campy depiction of Dracula.CRAP 1 stars
8/01/06 dan a disapointing end to what could have been a great trilogy 1 stars
7/02/06 Jim National Lampoon's Van Wilder: Vampire Hunter. Better than X3 anyway. 4 stars
4/06/06 Troy M. Grzych This movie lacks all of the fine craftmanship of "Blade 2" 3 stars
3/31/06 Michele these movies are always fun 4 stars
3/30/06 Soha Molina great movie 5 stars
3/29/06 Josh Standlee I am a true believer that Wesley Snipes is a god! Dracula was scary as fuck! 5 stars
3/27/06 Danny Johanson This movie has some great one liners, the plot may suck, but hell, its a good mindless fun 3 stars
2/26/06 Steven Lewis Worst of all three films but "decent" action. 2 stars
2/20/06 Steve Newman Blade 1 and 2 were excellent - this was crap 2 stars
2/02/06 van zwaar entertaining budget film wasnt expectin much so wasnt dissapointed(cockjugglin.....) LOL 4 stars
11/07/05 rob amazin flm wish more were being made 5 stars
10/20/05 jamie i love this movie so stop trashing it :P 5 stars
9/12/05 drippy 'Saw this last night...easily the worst of the series...and that's saying something!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/31/05 ES It was alright, fun and violent & now we have the premise of Blade as the bad guy in #4 4 stars
8/29/05 Brisbane "2" was the only one worth watching...long live DEL TORO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/17/05 Maalstrom The series just gets worse, retire the franchise already 2 stars
8/08/05 Maalstrom Was lacking in both story and action. Unispired. 3 stars
7/09/05 Moctezuma Seriously disappointing 2 stars
6/28/05 The Talking Elbow WHY DID YOU DO THE MATRIX HAND-TAUNT!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
6/24/05 Mr Fluffy Man. AvP is just looking better and better 1 stars
6/21/05 the dude "epic" peice of fucken crap, it sucks like vamp balls. let's down 1&2 1 stars
6/09/05 Naka Snipes is on his way out. And thank god. 1 stars
5/27/05 Indrid Cold Just as good as the first two: lame plot, good action, Snipes is badass. 3 stars
5/26/05 angela hicks i think that the Blade: Trinity movie was even more awesome than the other Blade movies. 5 stars
5/23/05 tatum Snipes doesn't even give the flick a chance; what a jerk 2 stars
4/29/05 Heather Tarlecky This movie was the greatest 4 stars
4/20/05 Krisan just an example of how sequals just arent as good as the originals 3 stars
4/16/05 Sharon Davis Nothing special 3 stars
4/15/05 shatonjia They should have stopped after the first Blade. 2 stars
4/12/05 Junior LaRoche Heard it sucks, but was really surprised with it. Not as good as the other ones tho. 3 stars
3/31/05 Blade: great, Blade 2: Fantastic, Blade Trinity: Decent, but not great Joseph 3 stars
3/25/05 Denise good 3 stars
2/04/05 Mikolai Should be titled "Dracula: The Gay Blade" 2 stars
1/17/05 Roy Smith Again Does what sunlight, garlic, and holy water could not do... 2 stars
1/07/05 Al Guy They even ruined Blade. Sad. Fighting with an MP3 on. Stupid. 2 stars
12/27/04 Archanist_101 Not as GOOD as the first two films... The fight scenes + Jessica Beil were worth it!!!!!!!! 3 stars
12/25/04 Maurice EVO decent movie, nice special effect, and a nice babe 4 stars
12/22/04 mike schaeffer Snipes wants to sue New York. Movie-goers ought to sue him. 1 stars
12/21/04 Kay forget Blade, I want to see a Hannibel King movie 4 stars
12/17/04 ENTS The second one's better. Am really disppointed.with this one. 2 stars
12/13/04 KayCe Whitacre Don't like Comic Book movies? DON'T GO! Best BLADE ever! IT ROX! 5 stars
12/12/04 BrianWilly Watch it for the humor and senseless violence, not for...well, logic. 3 stars
12/12/04 Koitus The rating is "generous." Great fight scenes, but nothing really new; similar ending 2 #1 3 stars
12/12/04 Andy its awesome i dont believe anyone could give it a smaller rating than awesome 5 stars
12/11/04 Aren Decent Film, weakest of the 3. Still v/ entertaining though 4 stars
12/11/04 KingNeutron Nice debut for Paul Levesque; the dog was truly a nice touch for his char. 4 stars
12/11/04 Jerry Easily the worst film of the trilogy. Silly dialouge, poor characters, and very unoriginal 2 stars
12/11/04 Me the best one 5 stars
12/10/04 othree kinda weak Blade stilla solid some of casts' acting was eh lite storyline, good begining 3 stars
12/10/04 Captain Highcrime Holy Cow!! Two members of The New Main Street Singers are vampires?! Didn't see that coming 3 stars
12/09/04 luke good movie best of the three 5 stars
12/09/04 Hyoun Lim it was an average movie 3 stars
12/09/04 Gray fun 4 stars
12/09/04 Juan SUCKED!!!!!! 1 stars
12/08/04 walter save your money! , it seemed like a low budget film id see on sunday afternoon noncable tv 1 stars
12/08/04 Kristina Williams It could have been worse. Imagine Stifler instead of Van Wilder in this. Ugh. 3 stars
12/08/04 Whoop Whoop Enjoyable fun. 4 stars
12/07/04 Ray Just bad 1 stars
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  08-Dec-2004 (R)
  DVD: 26-Apr-2005



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