Overall Rating
 Awesome: 6.52%
Worth A Look: 34.24%
Just Average: 25.54%
Pretty Crappy: 12.5%
Sucks: 21.2%
13 reviews, 106 user ratings
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| Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The |
by J. K. Radtke
"I couldn't give a pair of fetid dingo's kidneys about this film."
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It wasn’t all that long ago that I was a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy virgin. The book was something I’d always anticipated reading, at some point, but never quite set aside the time to make happen. However, with the release of the film, I felt a sudden sense of urgency too not only get the book read, but to familiarize myself with the series as much as possible. I’m sure this was, in some way, meant to help maximize whatever thrills and chills I’d planned to experience while watching the film.Within the span of a month (February 2005), I managed to smoke through the first four books in the series, and learn a little bit about Hitchhiker and Douglas Adams (series creator) history. I was amazed to find out that the series actually started as a BBC radio series back in the 70’s, and didn’t take its literary shape until late 1979. I was also happy to learn that there was a BBC television series produced, too.
Looking back, I’m thinking all of that “familiarizing” I did actually had the opposite effect to which I had planned. Rather than finding even more joy from the film-going experience, I found myself sitting there, nitpicking, and generally having a less than okay time. In fact, as I sit here, trying to contrive a reasonable means for reviewing this film that flat out disappointed me—a fact that would earn any other film a thorough thrashing—I find pieces of myself, buried deep within my hefty frame, crying desperately to find something to praise. It’s this inner turmoil, with one side battling the other over just how much I detest this film—a little, or a lot—that has my brain in a slump. So, I’m just going to let it fly…
Fans of the books, or radio series, or stage play, or computer game, or BBC television series, are probably going to be disappointed—unless you’re extremely forgiving. While the flick looks incredibly slick at times—the tour of the Magrathea factory floor is, admittedly, breathtaking to watch—it seemed to fall flat at others—the horrendous digital work on Zaphod Beeblebrox’s (Sam Rockwell) head, which is underneath his main head, is an embarrassment for whatever effects team that did it. Or, if it isn’t perceived as such, it should be. However, despite the spotty computer effects, I can definitely attribute some brownie points to whomever made the decision to use Jim Henson’s puppet studio for the race of Vogons. This was a brilliant move that seems almost novel, considering moviegoers can’t turn around without having CGI characters thrown in their faces these days. Henson’s team managed to give the flick an organic feel that aided in their increased appeal, in spite their hideousness.
Acting wise, I can’t say anyone did a bad job, though there weren’t any terribly good performances either. Mos Def (as Ford Prefect), Zooey Deschanel (as Trillian), and, much to my surprise, Sam Rockwell (whom I had expected to shine as the President of the Galaxy) were flat throughout the film. The jokes dependent on Ford and Zaphod weren’t funny, because the characters were uneven and unlikable. Zooey was just too cutesy to be taken seriously as a space traveling Earth-woman of above intelligence; though, the new mini-romance that rears its head between Trillian and Arthur doesn’t help matters. Bill Nighy and John Malkovich are admirable in their portrayals of Slartibartfast and Humma Kavula (respectively) for what little they had to do. Martin Freeman’s turn as series hero, Arthur Dent, is probably the best in capturing the spirit of the character, but due to an indiscernible plot, we’re too busy trying to figure out what the hell is going on with the story to really attempt a connection.
The first few minutes of the film play out fine, but definitely sends up enough red flags for longtime fans to know that this story isn’t merely going to be told with new twists—as Adams was prone to do with each telling—this is going to be a completely new story with more new elements than old, making it hardly recognizable to pre-existing fans. What few jokes that are carried over from prior incarnations have been trimmed down to the point that they’re no longer funny, rendering the attempt for familiarity pointless. It’s as if the makers decided to surgically remove all of Adams’ wit and wordplay (which is what gave this series its soul, earning its legions of fans), and replaced it a barrel full of sight gags, slapstick, and lame one-liners Carrot Top wouldn’t be caught dead repeating.
They took what should have been an epic science fiction comedy—twenty-five years in the making—and turned it into a sloppy Happy Meal of a movie. The filmmaker’s seeming refusal to even explain why having a towel with you at all times is so important, or explain what the Guide has to say about Earth as written by Ford, is unforgivable. These are two of the very basic jokes that helped to launch the story into a worldwide phenomenon, and they’re all but ignored in this film. That’s it, I’m convinced, all of me finally hates this movie now. I shudder to think of what a sequel will look like, should they dare attempt one, considering all of the “tweaks.”Perhaps those ignorant of the story can find some level of entertainment in this film, but as a fan going in, I feel nothing but disappointment and contempt. To quote Marvin, the Paranoid Android, “I’ve seen it. It’s rubbish.”
link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=11932&reviewer=386
originally posted: 05/01/05 23:28:12
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USA
29-Apr-2005 (PG-13)
DVD: 13-Sep-2005
UK
N/A
Australia
28-Apr-2005
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