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Overall Rating

Awesome: 3.45%
Worth A Look: 3.45%
Just Average: 3.45%
Pretty Crappy: 17.24%

5 reviews, 28 user ratings

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Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
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by Peter Sobczynski

"Okay, this movie just sucks."
1 stars

“Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”. Savor those words for a moment because they say more than any formal words of critique possibly good. If they bring a smile to your face or trigger fond memories of “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,” the 1999 comedy that doggedly insisted that the sight of Rob Schneider attempting to pleasure a series of increasingly freaky women was comic gold, then you will find this sequel to be equally chock-full of wacky goodness. If, on the other hand, those words inspire something along the lines of an involuntary flinch, a full-body heave or the uncontrollable feeling that the End Times of Cinema are at hand, you most likely checked out of this review upon reading the first four words of this paragraph. Hell, I would frankly prefer to leave it at those four words and go on to something more constructive as well but a sense of duty compels me to continue.

Through circumstances too shabby to delve into here (most likely the result of Schneider wanting to visit the Netherlands on someone else’s dime), retired man-whore Deuce travels to Amsterdam to visit T.J. (Eddie Griffin), his former pimp who is now working as a less-than-successful love broker (to steal a phrase from “Night Shift,” one of the millions of funnier pimp movies out there) in the land of wooden shoes. It transpires that a killer is stalking the red-light district and murdering the top male prostitutes. Inevitably, T.J. is wrongly accused of being the killer and it is up to Deuce to help clear his name. For some reason, this entails him once again taking up the man-whore life in order to track down the real killer. Of course, all of the women that he investigates turn out to have one strange quirk or another. One is a giant who wants Deuce to dress as a baby. Another has a hole in her esophagus, which leads to much wackiness involving cigarette smoke and red wine. A third, thanks to a radiation-inspired birth defect, has a penis for a nose and yes, I fear there is a sequence in which she has a sneezing fit that will no doubt haunt me until the time comes when this film evaporates from my memory as completely as the original did over time.<

I could go on but there is no point in doing so. The film is less a structured narrative and more a scattershot collection of sketches in which the humor is based either on a fear/loathing of women or an obsession with penises–the problem is that it doesn’t even make an effort to come up with a clever approach for dealing with them. This is the kind of film that has been made by people who are instead convinced that the best way to score laughs is to show a dumb gag (such as a guy eating chips out of a toilet or people getting smacked in the face with a wooden leg) and then repeat it over and over until viewers beg for mercy. When that fails, they go for the gross stuff–one client is inexplicably covered from head-to-toe in filth (she gets dumped in the river and emerges as pop tart Rachel Stevens) and Penis-Nose encounters Throat Hole in a meeting that resembles a live-action rendition of the “Aristocrats” joke, lacking only the simple quiet dignity. Unfortunately, the filmmakers are so busy trying to come up with gross-out jokes that they forget to work in a little humor–the word-of-mouth screening audience I saw it with seemed appalled by most of the proceedings and they were presumably the target audience.<

However, even if the filmmakers had figured out a way to deal with the above material in a bright and witty manner, the film would still most likely be terrible because it would still have to deal with the insurmountable problem of having Rob Schneider as its star. I have nothing personal against the guy but he simply is not the kind of person that you want to have front and center of a feature film. He is weird and unpleasant but not the kind of weird and unpleasant that can inspire humor–his is the kind of weird and unpleasant that inspires people to switch seats if his type plops down next to them on a crosstown bus. At most, he is the type that could be tolerable in a brief role as a supporting baboon but anything beyond that is pure torture, as the not-short-enough 83-minute running time will prove. I’ll put it this way–Schneider should not stay up at nights waiting for a call from the likes of Paul Thomas Anderson or James L. Brooks anytime soon.

To be fair, I did find a couple of diversions amusing enough to prevent myself from walking out in a fit of appalled indignation. It appears that Schneider and his co-writers have been studying the works of Italian horror expert Dario Argento because there are numerous scenes in this film that pay strange homage to his work–one early sequence has him crawling into a painting in a virtual lift from Argento’s “The Stendhal Syndrome.” I will also admit that a couple of the terms describing the various man-whore activities stuck me as amusing in some dumb and fundamental way–there are references to such tricks as “the sneaky Castro” and “a Turkish Sno-Cone”. We also learn that it was the Dutch who invented the concept of serving chicken and waffles together. Finally, there is a cameo appearance by Norm MacDonald as a Scottish man-whore that is so dumb, so pointless and so fundamentally lacking in any wit or point that I found myself laughing at it in amazement that someone actually thought that it was worth preserving and displaying in multiplexes across the country.

Next week sees the release of “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” another raunchy R-rated comedy in which the humor is based on a certain apprehensiveness towards female sexuality. That film, however, deals with the subject by treating it intelligently and by using humor that is smart as well as smutty in nature. For those in the mood for a sex comedy, all I can do is implore you to wait one more week and go to see that one and give “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” a wide berth. There is no reason why you should buy a ticket to see it in the theaters, rent or purchase it on DVD (where it should be appearing fairly soon) or subscribe to any cable service that might show it in the future.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=12706&reviewer=389
originally posted: 08/12/05 00:42:59
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User Comments

2/19/11 Ark If this movie was a turd, it would be the same thing! 1 stars
10/21/07 Beau What is worng with you people, this is bloddy funny! deuce biggest lady ive ever seen 4 stars
7/26/07 parasvati this movie actually made me physically ill. 1 stars
5/07/07 Charles Tatum One of the worst fucking experiences of my life 1 stars
10/28/06 Chantelle White Here's an idea... don't watch comedy if you're an arsehole. 5 stars
4/01/06 JRE worst movie ever made 1 stars
3/30/06 Anthony Feor Was this really needed? 1 stars
2/23/06 ES Gross and I figured out who the bad guy was in the first half-hour, so no surprises 2 stars
12/21/05 Ethan M. I chuckled... ONCE! 2 stars
12/19/05 Jesse Radin Rob Schenider has a punchable face, when you see it you want to punch it! This sucked. 1 stars
12/07/05 Sean D Pure undiluted fucking toilet humor shit. Oh and £15? Do me a fucking favour! 1 stars
12/01/05 MrsVoorheesBabyBoy A Crappy Sequel to a Crappy Movie 1 stars
11/29/05 Robert Quinn if you saw this knowing what the first was like, just blame yourself, not the movie. 1 stars
10/25/05 AndyWarholiday I'd say it was shit, but why insult shit? 1 stars
10/21/05 Ava Rice Uneven but hilarious when Eva scares Deuce with garotte when she's only gonna cut cheese! 3 stars
10/05/05 Priscilla Postlethwaite Most gags not carried through to their potential; not as good as first Deuce Bigelow movie. 4 stars
9/30/05 Green Gremlin Even worse than "Freddy got Fingered" !!! 1 stars
9/18/05 Jonathon Holmes 75 minuntes of my life i'll never get back 1 stars
9/14/05 TuRp C'mon, it's not all bad. Funnier than the original. Toilet humor, stupid fun. 3 stars
9/07/05 mark day great movie, laughed the whole time 5 stars
8/31/05 Mojo Bad movie but Norm Macdonald stole the movie -- Give him a movie 1 stars
8/28/05 bizenya stupid. not GOOD stupid, but REALLY BAD stupid. 1 stars
8/20/05 Duffyboy666 In 2003 it was Gigli. In 2004 it was Catwoman. This is Hollywoods prize dreck 2005. Cunts! 1 stars
8/19/05 buford gay 1 stars
8/17/05 James This movie stinks BIGTIME! 1 stars
8/13/05 Dixie Theriault if possible even more juvenile than the first one. 2 stars
8/13/05 ajay a laughed a few times, but overall it was dumb 2 stars
8/13/05 nads my god, this movie sucked. 1 stars
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  12-Aug-2005 (R)
  DVD: 29-Nov-2005



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