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It’s like this. Deep in the Carpathian Mountains lies a forgotten shrine, built to seal off the entrance to a mysterious labyrinth of caves. It seems the locals were being pestered by winged demons coming out of the cave and so forth, so closing it off was probably not such a bad idea. However, thirty years ago, some researchers dynamited the seal so they could explore the cave. Now this was probably not such a good idea, considering that it triggered a landslide that buried them under.

Flash forward to the present, when the cave has been rediscovered, and a crack team of cave divers is assigned to investigate. They promptly get themselves trapped two and a half miles down the underwater river. At this point, they decide it would have been a good idea to station some personnel above ground to monitor their dive. Oops. But besides being lost in a ninety-mile long, unexplored cave system, they soon find themselves beset by a species of monstrous, predatory cave critters. Of all the rotten luck!

Naturally, this leads to a lot of starts and squeals, fever-pitched action sequences and loss of life in the supporting character department. If you dig generic man-vs-monster action-horror, The Cave will not disappoint. There’s also a unique science-fiction premise about how life adapted itself to the underground. This idea is not exploited fully, but it certainly adds a touch of character to the film, something it needs desperately.

Which leads us to the main sticking point of The Cave, which is the characters (although that may be too strong of a word). Meet Jack, the no-nonsense, tough-talking expedition leader; his brother Vince, the no-nonsense, tough-talking ace diver; Briggs, the other no-nonsense, tough talking ace diver; Buchanan, the no-nonsense, tough-talking black diver; Charlie, the no-nonsense, tough-talking chick diver; Alex, the no-nonsense, tough-talking asian diver; Tyler, a no-nonsense, tough-talking ace diver whose name isn’t Vince or Briggs; Katherine, the no-nonsense, tough-talking chick marine biologist, and finally, Dr. Nicolai. He has a beard. Seriously, folks. Taken alone or together, these personalities are about compelling as a spoonful of toothpaste.

The other big problem is the cinematography. In the action scenes, random bits of blurry, indistinguishable offal are fast-cut together into a meaningless jumble, so that you have absolutely no idea what is really happening. To be sure, a lot of the creature work is done using latex suits or whatever, instead of CGI. This is a commendable approach, one which yields a more realistic and natural result, and I’ll concede that for it to work properly, a certain amount of creative evasion on the part of the camera is called for. And with all the action taking place in a cave, a lot of it underwater, limitations in the set construction is likely to require some devious camera work as well. But technical limitations are no excuse for a lack of imagination. Throughout the movie, the shot compositions are artless and bland, and the action choreography is vague and indefinite. Even when the filmmakers have a proper set to work with, like the huge, weird, underground fire-temple discovered near film’s end, the same tedious, choppy, indistinct and awkward cinematic approach is used.

The Cave also passes on a golden opportunity to be atmospheric and suspenseful. Few scenarios could be more suspenseful than wandering around in a dark cave waiting for a gruesome creature to pop out of nowhere. But director Bruce Hunt makes absolutely no attempt to exploit this. There are no sweaty palms or fearful expressions, no slow pans across the suggestive, dripping cavern walls, no ghastly silences punctuated only by labored, terrified breathing. In between the actual attack scenes, the characters merely bark at each other, and seem angry and impatient.

This situation is not helped by the generic, synthesizer-schlock music score. Even before anything bad has happened, it’s slogging away with a doleful drone of doom and gloom. This might pass for foreshadowing, but the style is so utterly faceless that it sounds more like a video game soundtrack set in a loop. It lends no atmosphere or personality to the film, and when the monster shows up, we get the same old hackneyed Psycho retread. This is a pity, because a good score, working articulately in conjunction with the interesting visual design, could have done much to alleviate the film’s many disappointments.

"The Cave" is a bland film, but not necessarily boring. It’s fast paced throughout, and despite the incomprehensible action sequences, the overall storyline never bogs down or becomes confused. Although the characters are terminally boring, the story has some unique elements to make things more interesting. I guess it’s OK, if you like this kind of thing.

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originally posted: 08/25/05 06:21:34
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