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Overall Rating

Awesome: 3.23%
Worth A Look: 17.74%
Just Average32.26%
Pretty Crappy: 14.52%

5 reviews, 32 user ratings

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Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, The
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by Scott Weinberg

"Easily as bad as Battlefield Earth, and maybe even worse..."
1 stars

OK, I've seen a LOT of movies throughout my life. That's not to say that I've necessarily seen more than YOU, but let's just say that a video rental store is completely useless to me, except for the New Release section. It is there that I dig through the true dreck; those films that not even "I" would see in a theater. My general rule of the New Release section is this: If you haven't seen it, you must rent it. There. That explains why I rented this putrid and moronic piece of garbage. I've said it before and I'll (undoubtedly) say it again: There is nothing in the world of cinema more pathetic than a comedy with no laughs.

I guess the best place to begin is with a nice wet SLAP in the face to all of the producers who helped nurture this project along. The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle is easily the most insipid and uninspired of all the 'tv-to-film' movies yet. (And keep in mind, that means it's a worse movie than The Mod Squad, The Avengers, and even The Beverly Hillbilles!) Screenwriter Kenneth Lonergan apparently feels that he can fill an entire movie with truly awful and unfunny gags, as long as the onscreen characters make constant references to how awful and unfunny the gags are.

Hey look, it's John Goodman as a cop. How...hysterical.

I won't even insult your intelligence by attempting to describe a 'plot' to you, as that would take infintely more creativity than director Des McAnuff invested into this garbage heap. Suffice to say that Rocky and Bullwinkle, the old-school cartoon heroes, are somehow zapped into the real world and are recruited to thwart their old nemeses, Boris Badanov, Natasha Fatale and Fearless Leader. The villainous plan is to 'zombify' the population of America by addicting them to some really bad TV shows...OK, enough of this crap.

-->If I could just interrupt for a second and adopt a less professional (yet considerably more clear) tone<---

You assholes. You greedy, pathetic Hollywood jerks. I realize with the big Creativity Drought going on out there in Cali you might have some trouble coming up with new ideas, but why Rocky & Bullwinkle? Why couldn't you suited monkeys go option something like Hong-Kong Phooey or Quick Draw McGraw? You just HAD to prostitute one of the most clever and entertaining cartoons ever, forever linking your atrocious product with a truly beloved animated series! I thought this movie would be stupid, to be sure, but I never imagined that it would be this pathetic.

Hey look. It's Whoopi Goldberg as a judge. How...truly funny.

To say that the actors humiliate themselves in this movie is like saying that Cancer is mildly inconvenient. I was having a tough time deciding who the King of Pathetic Mugging was. In one corner, we have the diminutive Jason Alexander, who manages to make you NEVER want to see him again. Seriously. No worse off is good ol' Bobby DeNiro as Fearless Leader. The assumption here is that if the old-fashioned serious actor just loosens up and does something for the young crowd, everyone will eat it up. Guess what? DeNiro's performance here does the impossible; it makes you hate him. He's not funny, his awful rat-a-tat accent is instantly grating and he keeps it up in every scene. (Oh, and I hope all you movie fans enjoyed watching DeNiro mock his "You tawkin' to me?" shtick from Taxi Driver, because personally it made me sick.)

Oh my God. It's Jonathan Winters as a helicopter pilot. Can't...take all this...hilarity.

As I stated earlier, this one is easily as awful as the justifiably trashed Battlefield Earth, but...it's even worse in some respects, as I sincerely believe that the source material of R & B is much more beloved than anything ever written by L. Ron Hubbard! While watching The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, I felt like something cool and clever from my childhood was being taken from me. It was a small thing, but it was still mine, and it pisses me off that something that was once funny is now just a bombastic CGI-showcase, complete with atrocious cameos and mind-numbing product placements.

Surely this is not what movies are meant to be.

Here's the formula: Cartoon Characters (Name Recognition & Baby Boomer Appeal) placed in a real-life setting (ample opportunities for unimpressive yet enormously expense FX shots) interact with modern day society (Culture Shock Wackiness and several cameo appearance opportunities) save the day (by pointing out [haha] that TV is dumb! Oh, the satire.) and learn a valuable lesson (I think it was 'Believe in Yourself' and Inspirational Scenes lead to wonderful soundtrack sales). Oh yeah, allll that... AND this is also quite possibly the most annoying film ever made.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1293&reviewer=128
originally posted: 02/15/01 00:43:29
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User Comments

8/21/13 dr.lao One of those movies that really wants to be clever, but isn't, not even slightly 1 stars
7/22/09 the dork knight Exactly ONE funny scene, and (surprise) it's Natasha's solioquy about having babies 2 stars
1/20/08 Sharon M Did you ever hit the nail on the head! I loved Rocky and Bullwinkle... UNTIL I saw this! 1 stars
1/12/08 mrsinister I'm pretty sure DeNiro wrecks this movie. 2 stars
7/02/05 Quigley funny as a kid, but now it makes me want to slap de-niro. don't kill your brain cells. 1 stars
5/27/05 tony best childrens movie ive seen in years 4 stars
2/09/05 Jeff Anderson Man, this is one seriously godawful & deranged film! JAY WARD MUST BE SPINNING IN HIS GRAVE 1 stars
1/21/05 DM Oh, somebody please make the pain stop! 1 stars
5/23/04 Monster W. Kung Once again, DeNiro has lost his mind. 2 stars
5/14/04 tatum I cannot believe I did not hate this film 3 stars
1/11/04 Samuel the most annoying film ever made 1 stars
11/14/03 Sylvie Alice Borden Now Scott, definitely not as bad as BATTLEFIELD EARTH. 2 stars
4/16/03 Jon "Thumb the Toad" Lyrik Everyone involved has smoked a whole lotta crack. 1 stars
2/19/03 Dana Carvey must DIE!!! de niro simply should not do comedies 1 stars
3/22/02 Butterbean R&B's comedy doesn't work in movies. I'll always love R&B, but this was the pits 2 stars
12/03/01 The $1.98 Pyramid Even my little brother hated it. 2 stars
7/02/01 Elvisfan I couldn't believe how much I liked this and laughed like hell too! 5 stars
6/02/01 Thrillhouse Shrek was soo freaking better than that tepid shitbag. 1 stars
4/01/01 Andrew Carden Cameo Filled, One-Gag Movie, That Makes Cool World look good. 2 stars
3/26/01 Richard Wright Amusing at times, but not enough to compensate for the tired script and the woeful acting. 2 stars
3/10/01 mad hatter This movie is really good, if a few things were tweeked it would have been a classic. 4 stars
8/06/00 Gavin Moore Thought I would hate it, but it was really original and creative 4 stars
7/29/00 Digitalus Russo and DeNiro were terrific... this movie is pitiful 1 stars
7/25/00 Lord Raymos Good movie if you liked the cartoon, though not always true to it. 4 stars
7/22/00 Boy In The Designer Bubble The cartoon of my youth ruined by cheesy computer graphics. 1 stars
7/18/00 mad movie lover de niro has turned into a pussy now......fucking cocksucker 1 stars
7/10/00 Jamie Who the hell is Piper Perabo anyways?? Bad Execution. Bad jokes. Total crap. 1 stars
7/09/00 Andrew J. A lot funnier than I expected. Too bad I was the only one in the theater laughing. 4 stars
7/06/00 Captain Highcrime Be thankful for DeNiro otherwise this movie would never have been made--or watched. 3 stars
7/06/00 Benjamin Lesbian Two jokes and some cameos were the only compelling thing about the film. Zero charm. 1 stars
7/01/00 The Bomb 69 a few laughs but the rest was poorly written and acted 2 stars
6/30/00 Judge Cameo A huge surprise. Funny, Jason Alexander & Rene Russo are the best parts. Makes you smile=^) 5 stars
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  30-Jun-2000 (PG)
  DVD: 02-Sep-2003

  09-Feb-2001 (U)

  11-Jan-2001 (PG)

Directed by
  Des McAnuff

Written by
  Ken Lonergan

  Jason Alexander
  Rene Russo
  Robert DeNiro
  Randy Quaid
  Piper Perabo
  Janeane Garofalo

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