Overall Rating
  Awesome: 4.25%
Worth A Look: 12.26%
Just Average: 27.83%
Pretty Crappy: 39.15%
Sucks: 16.51%
19 reviews, 98 user ratings
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| Da Vinci Code, The |
by Todd LaPlace
"Mild fun with religious dogmas! Oooh!"
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How does one hardcover book end up on “The New York Times” best seller list for 163 weeks? How does that same book end up topping the paperback chart for seven straight weeks? How many copies of one crappy book does one person need? It’s a stupid book you read on a stupid beach on your stupid vacation. As a movie, “The Da Vinci Code” isn’t quite as crappy, but it’s still pretty much a stupid movie you watch on a stupid summer day. It’s entertaining enough for a few hours, but as soon as you’re done, it’s instantly forgettable. Better luck next time, Ron.I know it’s already a cliché and therefore, an unnecessarily excessive hyperbole, but yes, I am one of the six people that has not read “The Da Vinci Code.” My best friend read it. My mom read it. My girlfriend did not read it (which made me like her more), but that’s because she’s a book snob. She doesn’t like to read excessively popular books (AKA crap) opting instead for what the critics (AKA other snobs) either call classic (AKA boring) or post-modern (AKA self-indulgent). But none of that means she doesn’t have great taste in books — which she’ll freely tell you — nor does that mean she (or I) have some sort of prejudice against “The Da Vinci Code” as a movie. I just didn’t want you to believe I had some sort of pre-meditated motive for the mild thrashing I’m about to give Ron Howard’s movie.
It should be said, however, that the film is near universally recognized as superior to the book, as Howard is a fantastically better director than Dan Brown is a writer, which is less praise for Howard and more a slam on Brown. From what I’ve read of the novel (little more than the prologue and first chapter), Brown’s style is simple and clunky. Sentences are short and to the point, while embellishments are largely ignored in favor of obscure words related to obscure religious sects. The story is solid, but the novel reads more like an outline than a fleshed-out finished product.
But all that really means is the movie is correctly identified as the superior version; it doesn’t actually say much about the film itself. Once again, the potential is all there — the highly-inventive, detailed story, a laundry list of talented actors — but it never quite delivers. In this instance, it isn’t a case of lack of talent, but rather a pension for the overdramatic. “The Da Vinci Code” is one of those movies that feature a never-ending drone of cliché “chase” music that’s present in most summer action movies, despite the absence of Arnold Schwarzenegger and oversized phallic weaponry.
Tom Hanks and his highly-quaffed hair (two separate living entities, I’m sure) star as Robert Langdon, a Harvard professor and author of books on religious symbology. He is in Paris for a lecture, signing of his latest book and an impromptu meeting with the curator at the Louvre. The only problem is said curator was shot by an albino monk named Silas (Paul Bettany), after which he covered himself in his own blood and left clues for the professor and his granddaughter, police cryptographer Sophie Neveu (“Amelie” star Audrey Tautou), so they can solve man’s greatest question: who killed him. Talk about narcissism.
So yes, the question is a little more complicated than one man’s death (or four, as the case may be). It seems that the curator was the grand-master of a secret quartet known as the Priory of Sion, whose members protect an ancient secret that could take down the Catholic Church. His killer belongs to Opus Dei, a real life Catholic organization that’s known for its devout, prayerful members. It’s also now the organization that’s angry at Dan Brown for portraying them as crazy wackjobs. Of course, the dogmas of both organizations don’t really matter, as neither group is more than an arbitrary selection. In fact, the film is so overloaded with random elements that this nearly two and a half hour movie could probably be cut in half. For example, Robert is claustrophobic because as a child, he fell down a well. That’s it really. He freaks out once or twice and Sophie has to calm him down, but that’s about it. Maybe it plays more of a role in the book, but when it comes to movies, there are adaptations and then there are recreations. If I wanted to see an exact clone of the novel, I’d have read it two years ago.
Outside of these excessive details, though, “The Da Vinci Code” is actually pretty entertaining summer thriller. Instead of just bringing Silas to justice, Robert and Sophie get pulled into a mass conspiracy that threatens to take down society as we know it. That secret (which means if you want to be surprised and haven’t read the book or read reviews or seen the trailer, you might want to skip down a paragraph) leads the pair on a quest for the Holy Grail, and contrary to the Indiana Jones ethos, it isn’t so much a physical cup as a vessel for the blood of Christ. The vessel is Mary Magdalene and the blood is his children (take that, Steven Spielberg!). Yes, there is more to the story, so don’t think I’ve spoiled the whole thing, and then again, this whole theory could be little more than the crazy ramblings of a group of kooks.
It would not be an overstatement to say that “The Da Vinci Code,” with the massive amounts of pre-release hype, is a bit disappointing, but it’s not really a bad movie either. There’s definitely plenty to nitpick and even more to flat out complain about — like how did a police cryptographer become so good at navigating Paris streets in reverse? — but there’s also plenty to praise, primarily a magnificent performance from Sir Ian McKellen as Sir Leigh Teabing, a friend of Robert and an expert in crackpot theories about the Priory. After getting blamed for the murder, Leigh offers Robert and Sophie sanctuary and excitedly rambles on about the mysteries of Jesus, Mary Magdalene and all the rest. McKellen deserves a lot of credit for making the requisite longwinded background story surprisingly entertaining…at least, until Silas shows up and starts trying to shoot everybody and police inspector Bezu Fache (Jean Reno) follows to arrest the same folk.
The controversy surrounding this movie has already been well-documented, but after seeing the movie, I have to say it’s pretty unfounded. Yes, there are elements that many within the church system will probably disagree with, especially since at least a few people will take the fiction as fact, but this isn’t another coming of “Fahrenheit 9/11” or “The Passion of the Christ.” The movie isn’t even as controversial as “The Breakfast Club.” It’s nothing more than one of those nice, light summer thrillers; an overblown production that’s mildly entertaining, but largely forgettable once it’s over. With the release of the third “X-Men” movie nipping on its heels, you’d better get your screening in quick — “The Da Vinci Code” will be missing before you know it.Eh. It’s better than getting hit in the head with a brick for two and a half hours, or getting jabbed in the eyes with red-hot pokers. Or a Ridley Scott movie.
link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=14534&reviewer=401
originally posted: 05/25/06 17:58:35
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USA
19-May-2006 (PG-13)
DVD: 14-Nov-2006
UK
19-May-2006
Australia
18-May-2006
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