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Awesome: 9.4%
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11 reviews, 51 user ratings

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Omen, The (2006)
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by Todd LaPlace

"I hate that Damien kid."
1 stars

A while ago, I called “House of Wax” the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. Don’t worry, that designation isn’t going anywhere — “House of Wax” is still a catastrophe — but I do give it credit for at least going somewhere different with the story. The original “House of Wax,” while a cult classic, is pretty stiff. Ditto for the original “The Omen,” although the dumbfounding appearance by slumming star Gregory Peck at least made it mildly interesting. The 2006 “The Omen” doesn’t just borrow the concept; it steals the whole script. It’s just too bad Peck is gone, because that’s the only way to save this wreck.

To quote one of my fellow theater-mates, “Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!” He may have meant the interjections as a compliment — they each accompanied an obviously foreshadowed cheap scare that he seemed to enjoy — but I have my doubts. I will admit that my thoughts were also often “Oh…shit!”: “Oh, come on! They can’t honestly expect us to swallow this shit!”

The new version of “The Omen” — or as my ticket stub calls it, “The Omen 666” — is pretty much more a disaster for us than for the characters, where a selection of contemporary events (the World Trade Center attack, the hurricanes, the Challenger explosion, Clay Aiken) point to the rise of the coming apocalypse and the rebirth of the antichrist. So what does it take to out-evil the end of humanity (and the singer of “Invisible”)? I imagine it all has something to do with selling us a movie solely based on a gimmick (a release date of 6/6/06 — how evil!) rather than a story.

Not that the story needs much of a sale, because it already did millions of dollars in business and built a cult following…back in 1976. The remake so closely resembles the original that the credited screenwriter on the 2006 “The Omen” is David Seltzer, the writer of the original, despite having not touched the script in three decades. The surface dusting of contemporary updates aside, “The Omen” is “The Omen”; sequence for sequence, virtually word for word. In case you’re one of the few that hasn’t seen the original — which is considerably more cult and concept than quality — this might actually be mildly interesting, but somehow I still doubt it. We all already know Damian is the son of Satan, that lots of people will die and that the original had three sequels (how hard is it to off a 5 year old?). Poke me when something inventive comes along.

Robert and Katherine Thorn (a very intense Liev Schreiber and a very bored Julia Stiles), the new U.S. ambassador to Great Britain and his depressed, doormat wife, are about to become parents in a ramshackle, über-creepy Italian hospital when Robert is told his newborn son died at birth. Luckily, a jackal of a woman also gave birth to a boy at the same time, but she also died during the birth. And since we’ve got a family without a son and son without a family, naturally they should happily live the Brady Bunch-blended family lifestyle, even though Robert decides not to tell his wife that her son isn’t hers. So nice to see family values portrayed so accurately on the silver screen.

Five years later and now living in London, the family is living the high life as political celebrities. They live in an overly-ornate, gigantic old mansion, which is conveniently decorated in reds and the number 6. Symbolism isn’t exactly the right word, as the obvious decorating scheme is excessively distracting (I mean, what hard-to-kill five-year-old boy sleeps on red satin sheets?). In fact, the only effective set piece is Damien’s nanny Mrs. Baylock (Mia Farrow), whose high creep-factor allows her to steal every scene, even though she does little more than smile and provide some useless trivia (she had some trouble with her own demon baby in the ‘60s, in case you’re confused).

I know we’re meant to be frightened by Damien (Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick) and his sinister innocence, mostly because director John Moore (the man to chastise for “Behind Enemy Lines”) never shuts off the background music. I’m pretty sure the constant drone is designed to drown out the stupidity because with the exception of a few scant moments of excitement (usually centered on an elaborate death) this is a gabfest between the world’s most dull parents. Even the religious subplot, mostly focused around wackjobs Father Brennan (Pete Postlethwaite) and his mentor Bugenhagen (Michael Gambon), isn’t interesting enough to merit more than this passing mention. This is opportunistic filmmaking of the highest order, where the most (and only) interesting thing about the plot is the release date. The rest is rubbish.

If monkeys can spot the antichrist just by looking at him — a bunch of gorillas go crazy and start smashing the glass — don’t you think they could have warned the filmmakers they were about to send out this shit? “Oh shit” is right. Oh shit. Get me away from this tripe right now.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=14687&reviewer=401
originally posted: 07/08/06 20:27:07
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User Comments

2/13/17 morris campbell trash watch the original enough said 1 stars
10/28/10 millersxing risible trash 1 stars
1/05/10 art A SHOT FOR SHOT remake of the 76 horror film,it's a real HOMAGE! 4 stars
11/22/09 Jeff Wilder Hollywood needs to lay off on the damn classic horror remakes. What's next, The Exorcist? 2 stars
11/08/09 David A. a feeble rehash of the original 2 stars
6/22/09 Ashutosh great film 4 stars
2/10/09 martz Cool film. Bit of a crappy ending though. 4 stars
2/09/09 mark dedasco Got a serious kick out of this stylish remake 5 stars
1/24/09 John leaper was the bomb 5 stars
1/10/09 filibuster fred Rockin remake- really loved it!!! 5 stars
10/30/08 Shaun Wallner This movie stinks!! 1 stars
4/01/08 superfriek this movie ROCKS 5 stars
2/05/08 Mick Damian looks like a future Special Olympics entry, instead of the devil. 1 stars
10/23/07 Ivana Mann The most uninspired, lazy remake I've ever seen.One word sums up the making of this: WHY? 1 stars
6/17/07 fools♫gold Yeah, awasteoftime ifyou'renotin aloudtheater forthose2scares that aren't worth mentioning. 1 stars
2/08/07 Stanley Thai It wasn't good but it wasn't bad either. 3 stars
2/04/07 steve owen the devil made me watch it!! 1 stars
2/03/07 Vip Ebriega Scary, but when you watch it, you'll keep looking for the original. 4 stars
1/06/07 Quicksilver It takes special effects and makes the movie scarier.This is not an insult but a tribute 5 stars
12/18/06 Indrid Cold It's slick enough, but highly predictable and unscary. 2 stars
12/17/06 JeromeBosch I anticipated so much worse…This was quite entertaining. 3 stars
12/12/06 mig Oh man, what a bad thing! 1 stars
12/08/06 tiffany Seemed pretty good to me... 4 stars
12/05/06 Anonymous It was bland, the original was basically better, but i hate the filming of the 1976 film. 2 stars
10/20/06 Chri s Mazur Hauntingly bad. I can't believe John Moore got paid to make another really shitty movie. 1 stars
8/06/06 Erik Van Sant Laughably bad. Do yourself a favor and BUY the original. 1 stars
7/29/06 Doug It has the artistic subtlety of an airhorn. 1 stars
7/25/06 DK The best of the recent crop of remakes better than original 5 stars
7/14/06 michael worth checking out 3 stars
7/14/06 Alfred Guy Why was this made? 2 stars
6/25/06 Laura Really quite good although somewhat too much like the original. 4 stars
6/19/06 Jason Hyde Pete Postlethwaite, you are no Patrick Troughton 1 stars
6/19/06 joan isenberg the unremarkable tendency of people to confuse evil with evil. 5 stars
6/18/06 Emily A waste of time, nothing could beat the original, no suspense,extremely bland 3 stars
6/16/06 Satanic Majesty Painful to watch, dull, lifeless and a waste of time 1 stars
6/13/06 David Fowler Pointless, flat remake of one of the greatest horror films ever made. Bland and silly. 1 stars
6/13/06 Tasia I just saw this movie today..I thought it was great..just like the original, very well done 5 stars
6/12/06 TyrantisTerror Anthony G is correct, this film is a laugh riot. Bugenhagen. 1 stars
6/11/06 Anthony G Funniest movie of the year!!!!!! oh, wait a second.... 1 stars
6/10/06 gman Did anyone notice the mircophone in about 4 scenes 2 stars
6/09/06 Ole Man Bourbon Pretty half-assed in all facets 2 stars
6/09/06 Sumixam fans will dig, didn't realise full potential though 4 stars
6/08/06 Shoshannah I would deffinitely pay to see it again! 5 stars
6/08/06 DK AWESOMO 5 stars
6/08/06 San Lamar just do yourself a favor and only watch the original 1 stars
6/08/06 Stephen P. Robertson This is a mockery of the original 1 stars
6/07/06 A Bomb The movie was mad as, but doesnt surpas the original, 5 stars
6/06/06 John T Better than the original, a must see NOT! 1 stars
6/06/06 Haether mctathey your movie was crapy and shitty!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
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  06-Jun-2006 (R)
  DVD: 17-Oct-2006



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