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1 review, 7 user ratings

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I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer
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by Todd LaPlace

"And I’ll always know that these movies suck."
1 stars

First, there was “I Know What You Did Last Summer,” where a bunch of teen TV and movie stars battled the psycho Fisherman. Second, there was “I Still Know What You Did last Summer,” where the two teen TV and movie star survivors were joined by a teen singer in their battle against the psycho Fisherman. Now, there’s “I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer,” which was originally seen as a vehicle for the teen TV, movie and music stars to be joined by other teen TV, movie and music stars in their new battle against the psycho Fisherman, but that didn’t quite happen. Instead, part three is a direct-to-DVD feature where the most famous cast member was that guy who was killed in “Final Destination 2.” What? You didn’t see that one? Don’t worry about it, because you shouldn’t see this one either.

Now, I’m not saying Jennifer Love Hewitt is the least talented person alive, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that much of her success can be attributed to luck; blind, stupid, pointless luck. Appearing on the laughable “Kids Incorporated” as a teen, she was just cute enough to start early and never stopped. I can’t act and I know to keep my ass of the stage — which ain’t gonna stop me from criticizing it — and I think it’s a lesson I need to pass along. I’ve seen “The Tuxedo” and the American Jackie Chan movie is pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel (and that doesn’t even include appearing opposite an animated feline…twice). But I’ll give credit where credit is due. At least she’s smart enough to pass on the dismal direct-to-DVD horror.

“I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer,” the unnecessary follow-up to an unnecessary sequel of an unnecessary teen slasher, was originally conceived as another project for Hewitt, Freddie Prinze Jr. and Brandy, the survivors of the grammatically incorrect “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer,” but the project just languished in development purgatory until all of the stars had disappeared. It’s probably for the best too, because I’m pretty sure two of them have done this before.

When a Fourth of July prank involving the urban legend of the Fisherman goes awry and a friend is killed, four close friends make a pact never to reveal their involvement in the accidental death. The four — comprised of couple Amber (Brooke Niven) and Colby (David Paetkau) and their respective best friends Zoe (Torrey DeVitto) and Roger (Seth Packard) — once as close as family, spend a year drifting apart until the anniversary of their friend’s death reluctantly reunites them. In other words, it’s “I Know What You Did Last Summer” with new teens, a new Colorado setting and the same old hackneyed scares.

Directed by Sylvain White, whose only other feature credit is the potential classic “Trois 3: The Escort,” “I’ll Always Know” attempts to substitute quick editing for true suspense, simple shots for creativity. This is paint-by-numbers filmmaking of the worst kind, right down to the screenplay (by the man who also brought us “Crocodile,” “Octopus” and “Octopus 2: River of Fear”) that doesn’t remotely resemble real life, but that’s not for a lack of trying. Maybe I’m expecting too many, but with so many born-to-be cult movies in his past, I wanted “I’ll Always Know” to be a little more fun. Instead, it’s just full of frustrated-sigh-worthy moments, like for instance, with a homicidal fisherman out to slit her throat, wannabe rock star Zoe decides to stick around and perform in her town’s talent show, because apparently when it comes down to it, fame is always more important than a violent, bloody death by fisherman’s hook in the stomach.

As a professional film freak and amateur film scholar, the film does potentially lead to a few higher questions and reinforces the debate of some older ones. For instance, could the fisherman and his supernatural tendencies represent the teens’ conscious, not only for being responsible in the death of their friend, but also in its cover-up? Why do all horror movies inevitably feature so few minorities (none in this case), when there’s always a sizable minority audience for horror? But if answering such questions means sitting through “I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer” again, I’ll take my cue from Hewitt, and just take a pass.

Like the two previous installments, the film is largely teasing scare on top of teasing scare until the final act, where a bunch of teens are butchered in a matter of minutes. Horror directors, take note. That’s not scary. That’s just bloody disgusting.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=14813&reviewer=401
originally posted: 09/22/06 00:11:43
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For more in the Direct To Video Sequels series, click here.

User Comments

7/01/09 charlie bad acting!! same plot as the first film!! very predictable & not very well thought out!! 1 stars
5/03/08 mr.mike Not bad on cable tv 3 stars
5/06/07 David Pollastrini Absolute crap 1 stars
11/26/06 sirina where is jennifer love hewitt? all the other actors sucked stopped the movie after 30 mins! 1 stars
9/30/06 michael first was much better but this had its moments, someplace 4 stars
9/28/06 Pritchett This is, without a doubt, THE definitive "I/Know/Summer" film...exquisite. 1 stars
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  15-Aug-2006 (R)
  DVD: 15-Aug-2006



Directed by
  Sylvain White

Written by
  Michael D. Weiss

  K.C. Clyde
  Torrey DeVitto
  Ben Easter
  Star LaPoint
  Britt Leary
  Brooke Nevin

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