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Overall Rating
2.08

Awesome: 4.71%
Worth A Look: 2.35%
Just Average: 18.82%
Pretty Crappy44.71%
Sucks: 29.41%

6 reviews, 49 user ratings


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Eragon
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by Doug Bentin

"Dragon your ass to the movies"
2 stars

“Eragon” is one of the worst movies of 2006, which is surprising since, when it was called “Star Wars,” it was one of the best movies of 1977.

Yes, the steals are that blatant. As we left the theater, my son said “Well, that’s set up for a sequel,” and I said “Yeah. What d’ya bet they call it ‘The Empire Strikes Back’?”

Eragon is a young orphan who lives on a small farm with his uncle. Sound familiar yet? He finds a blue stone which turns out to be a dragon’s egg. It hatches and the evil emperor Murtagh (John Malkovich, who appears to be more bored than a barn full of planks) tells his henchman Durza to kill the boy and destroy the egg. Seems there used to be a fighting force called the Jedi—oops, sorry, I mean Dragon Riders—and if that band of brothers is revived, Murtagh will be in danger of losing his throne.

Anyway, Durza Vader sends his minions after Eragon, but they don’t find him at home so they kill his uncle. What’s with these idiot hired hands? Why do they always kill the only source of information they have? Their local community college should offer a course in brutal thugism.

Now Eragon and his dragon Saphira (Rachel Weisz provides the dragon’s voice with all the excitement of a “Lawrence Welk Show” marathon on PBS—I like Weisz, but this is easily her worst performance) link up with a wise but mysterious wanderer named Brom Obi Yoda (Jeremy Irons, with none of the endearing slyness of Scar or Claus von Bulow). Seems they have to go over the hills and far away to join the rebel army.

On the way, they stop to rescue Arya (Sienne Guillory, who is only moderately attractive and very un-fantastical in this role) from Durza (Robert Carlyle, who is surely as hip to the awfulness of this dime store plagiarism as Malkovich and Irons, but who has decided to ham the hell out of it with a performance so over the top it would make Bela Lugosi blush). Djimon Hounsou is stuck with the role of Ajihad, one of the rebel leaders. How he could be so good in “Blood Diamond” and so horrendous here is one of the wonders of nature. Edward Speleers, of whom you’ve never heard, plays Eragon with all the charisma of a soap dish.

This is one of those dreadful fantasies in which the hero is discovering his magical powers, so every time director Stefan Fangmeier and screenwriter Peter Buchman try to make you think he’s in danger, he conjures up some new ability and saves himself. Phooey. I haven’t read the novel by Christopher Paolini on which this farrago of mixed bits is based, but the film sure makes it look as if it’s one of those cheap knock-off “epic fantasies” that clutter the shelves in used book stores.

The big battle scene at the end is so dark, edited so badly, and with actors costumed so blandly, it’s impossible to tell who’s who. At one point, I thought Eragon’s hand got cut off, but no, even the people behind this rip-off weren’t that blatant.

You know me—little Mr. Sunshine—but even I can’t find anything remotely recommendable in “Eragon.” It’s nothing more than “Star Wars” in new plastic wrap, and with George Lucas releasing so many versions of SW, why do we need another one by someone else?

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=15294&reviewer=405
originally posted: 12/28/06 09:43:41
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User Comments

10/06/13 dr.lao In a word, uninspired 2 stars
9/11/10 Robert Eragon the movie is Eragon the Book Extra Lite. The book has is suprisingly well done. 1 stars
8/20/10 PAUL SHORTT UNORIGINAL AND DERIVATIVE 2 stars
7/01/10 Innocence_Wasted Eragon bored me period. I couldn't even finish the godforsaken excuse of a film. 1 stars
4/11/10 Josh Credibility goes to the visual effects only. Dialogue shows cheezy pre LOTR style. 2 stars
10/27/09 Blah Blahson I just read the (awesome) book and I realized what a piece of crap this was. 1 stars
8/05/09 jake worst movie adaption ever. amazing book got turned into a simplified kids movie 1 stars
11/15/08 Carmen Book was mediocre at best, film was just bad. 1 stars
11/02/08 Aure liked the dragon, but thats about it... 2 stars
10/25/08 Guy Story lacks the character and emotional depth/history of LOTR. 3 stars
12/08/07 Sam Eli Horrible acting and writing, astoundingly derivative and almost non-existent acting/effects 1 stars
10/11/07 Charles Luke Skywalker goes to Middle Earth, not an original thought in the mix. 2 stars
10/01/07 R Kercher Cool SFX, but not on par w/book. There's a dragon, a boy & elf, and bad guy, but what else? 2 stars
8/10/07 Neil I was irritated by the bad lead acting and a 'ran-out-of-money' ending. 2 stars
6/09/07 Danielle Ophelia Oh, honestly... 1 stars
6/09/07 Rando Godd effects , terrible acting and dialogue, all different accents. 2 stars
6/07/07 Matt Highly derivative, to say the least, but still reasonable entertainment 3 stars
6/05/07 Mark Radburn Fuck all, who say Eragon sucks. 5 stars
5/06/07 Tracey Chambers Its not a bad movie, its pretty to look at but not much else 3 stars
4/22/07 hydrian If you haven't read the book, don't see it. If you have, DEFINITELY don't see it. 1 stars
4/01/07 Jenna I oved it and Ed Speleers is so cute 4 stars
3/29/07 fools♫gold A smart saying at each corner, and isn't not-worth-watching. I even debate a 4/5. 3 stars
3/19/07 man great fx but otherwise disappointing 2 stars
3/18/07 Quigley Rip-off of all the classics we love. Everything in this movie is heinous. 2006's 2nd worst 1 stars
3/04/07 --- WHY?Why was this movie made? AVOID. 1 stars
1/28/07 Molly thought the acting was ok sometimes, the rest was AWFUL. 1 stars
1/23/07 Jon I don't see how some of you people gave 3+ stars... The movie was terrible. 2 stars
1/12/07 Deadly Assassin "Lord of the Rings" for ADD sufferers. 3 stars
1/10/07 dupadoit rad 4 stars
1/08/07 ashley It was good IF you hadn't read the books but if you had it's a piece of crap! 2 stars
1/05/07 melissa The worst movie I have ever seen that has been made from a book. 1 stars
1/02/07 Max The movie was horrable just a cheap kockoff of starwars and LOTR, but the book was awsome. 1 stars
12/31/06 sarah very good, left out some parts and the leading role was very good also! 5 stars
12/31/06 Tim Shameless Massacre. It's like they shoved the book in a meat grinder. 1 stars
12/27/06 Nick Didn't follow the book at all, horrible acting, and hacked up cliche storyline.1/2 starrate 1 stars
12/26/06 Aaron Smith Not as good as Narnia, somewhat disappointing. 3 stars
12/25/06 Sammy Excellent! If you like fantasys this one's for you!! If you don't like fantasys- too bad!!! 5 stars
12/22/06 Catalina es muy buena,abran sus mentes,hay errores como en todas,pero no debe compararse con nada. 5 stars
12/21/06 Thomas Wynn Not the best 3 stars
12/20/06 Jon good story plot... bad acting. 2 stars
12/19/06 scotty lord of the rings lite 1 stars
12/19/06 Brooke The worst movie based on a book I've ever seen 1 stars
12/18/06 Eric Liked the book, wanted to like this...but couldn't. Rent LOTR instead, or buy the books. 2 stars
12/17/06 David Total waste of a great story. Put eragon name on it to make money 1 stars
12/17/06 Michael Silbergleid But if you haven't read the book, it's very enjoyable. 3 stars
12/17/06 Riki Definitely seen this movie before. And the boy cannot act! 2 stars
12/16/06 ToFarGone20 Total departure from the book...the author should be pissed! 3 stars
12/15/06 Ole Man Bourbon Not as bad as it could have been, but the leading man (boy) was gagoriffic. 3 stars
12/15/06 tony camonte this is a chep ass wanna be palgerising piece of crap! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  15-Dec-2006 (PG)
  DVD: 20-Mar-2007

UK
  15-Dec-2006

Australia
  14-Dec-2006



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