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Worth A Look: 1.79%
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Pretty Crappy: 35.71%

6 reviews, 20 user ratings

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Because I Said So
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by Dawn Taylor

"Have you ever hated a movie so much you wanted to slap it?"
1 stars

Twenty years ago, director Michael Lehmann helmed “Heathers,” and actress Diane Keaton was starring in films like “Baby Boom” and “Crimes of the Heart.” I mention this only so that you’ll understand just how far they’ve fallen by making the appallingly awful “Because I Said So,” a movie that’s so bad, its actually painful to sit through.

Sadly, the English language is curiously inexact when it comes to certain kinds of descriptive phrases. That ghastly smell in your refrigerator when you’ve let the raw chicken languish until it goes bad, for example, or a movie that doesn’t just fail to entertain, but is so aggressively terrible that it’s as if the writer, director and star actively want to punish the audience. New words need to be invented for it, like “repulsivous” or “horrideous,” but even they don’t do it justice.

Singer-turned-actress Mandy Moore plays Milly, the youngest of three daughters whose mother, Daphne (Keaton) is a raving nutjob. It’s not just that she’s overprotective and wants her last unmarried daughter to find a good man so, you know, she can be fulfilled as a woman. That would merely be irritating. No, she also talks non-stop, believes she knows what’s best for her children without ever taking their feelings into consideration, and she’s a flailing, wailing mess of tics and wacky idiosyncracies.

Daphne’s a professional baker, for no other reason that it gives Lehmann an excuse for zany accidents with cakes – not once, mind you, but twice. Because we all know that there’s nothing funnier than somebody getting a face full of cake!

The supposedly hilarious complications that ensue from Daphne posting a personal ad on the Internet to find a mate for Milly are anything but funny, starting with Daphne’s inability to click away from a porn site – a gag that involves her calling her computer’s tech support line while her dog humps the ottoman. Throughout this scene, Keaton waves her hands frantically, grimacing and kvetching with such vehemence that you can almost hear Lehmann off screen shouting, “No, bigger, Diane, bigger! Still too subtle!”

Moore does what she can with her role and, as co-star of the picture, she fares far better than Lauren Graham and Piper Perabo who play her sisters. Their characters exist for no reason other than to give Milly and Daphne the occasional sounding board, and to take part in two freakishly bizarre set pieces in which Mom and daughters all strip down to their underwear while chatting.

There’s so much that’s bad here that there honestly isn’t room to describe how many different ways the picture goes wrong, from its insulting racial stereotypes to its patronizing attitude that women have to get married to be happy. There are scenes that simply make no sense, indicating that a lot of the film ended up on the cutting room floor in a desperate attempt to save it. As a bonus, there’s also a small child who’s supposed to adorable but is, instead, gratingly abrasive.

It’s funny that studio publicists have taken to barring critics from screenings of perfectly fine horror films but then decide to let us see “Because I Said So,” which is hands-down one the worst movies to be released in years. It’s an embarrassment for all involved, and a complete waste of celluloid.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=15587&reviewer=413
originally posted: 02/02/07 15:47:59
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User Comments

11/20/17 Charles Tatum Unbearably awful. Diane, what has happened to you?! 1 stars
8/28/12 Mireya I thought it was a cute movie 4 stars
1/09/09 Samantha Pruitt Mandy is dreadful, tries way to hard to be sweet! 2 stars
8/27/08 Shaun Wallner Boring not worth it! 1 stars
8/05/08 Braniff I walked out of this piece of bullcrap. Enough said. 1 stars
1/05/08 jessica I wasn't kidding about this -- WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN... 1 stars
1/02/08 jessica Worst movie I've ever seen. I want those 90 minutes of my life back. 1 stars
7/11/07 Bidget I felt ill. And the guys weren't even hot. 1 stars
6/17/07 me i liked it. thanks. 3 stars
6/15/07 William Goss One of the most severely grating and banal rom-coms known to man. 1 stars
5/30/07 Jeff Anderson As bad, unbearable & unfunny as a film can get made worse by Keaton's sick performance. 1 stars
5/17/07 ES Amazing nap 1 stars
5/11/07 Sarah It made me want to puke. Especially after seeing Keaton f##k reverend Camden. ewwww. 1 stars
3/02/07 David Pollastrini Mandy Moore is hot! 2 stars
2/27/07 Brian Lower than a whale's asshole! 1 stars
2/13/07 azizbek olimov Even Piper Perabo in a thong couldn't save this... 3 stars
2/09/07 Heather Pretty boring, and I'm easily entertained. 1 stars
2/05/07 Shobert Even Piper Perabo in a thong couldn't save this... 1 stars
2/02/07 Todd That sucked donkey balls. 1 stars
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  02-Feb-2007 (PG-13)
  DVD: 08-May-2007

  16-Feb-2007 (12)
  DVD: 04-Jun-2007

  03-May-2007 (M)

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