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Overall Rating

Awesome: 1.96%
Worth A Look: 17.65%
Just Average: 3.92%
Pretty Crappy: 31.37%

6 reviews, 15 user ratings

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Hills Have Eyes 2, The
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by Peter Sobczynski

"The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Mutants"
1 stars

“The Hills Have Eyes II” is a film with a family tree almost as twisted and inbred as the one shared by the cannibalistic mutants at its center. Although it is a sequel to last year’s ultra-violent remake of Wes Craven’s legendarily grueling 1977 grindhouse classic, it is not a remake of the original sequel that Craven ground out on the cheap in 1984 during the lean days before “A Nightmare on Elm Street” resurrected his career. At the same time, while Craven largely served only in an executive-producer capacity on the remake of the original, he has taken a more hands-on position this time around by co-writing the screenplay with his son, Jonathan. I relate all of this to you only because the backstory to the film is far more interesting than anything seen on the screen and the fact that I can recall all of this information without once consulting IMDB if far more terrifying.

While last year’s remake stuck fairly close to the original–a battle between two different kinds of nuclear families that showed just how easily seemingly civilized people could be reduced to savagery in the name of survival–this one shares nothing with that film other than the concept of monstrous savages who have been mutated from inbreeding and radioactive fallout and who rape, torture, murder and eat anyone unlucky enough to stumble upon their desert lair (and not necessarily in that order). This time around, a ragtag platoon of exceptionally idiotic National Guard trainees wander into the area during a training mission and find themselves trapped in a situation that suggests what “Southern Comfort” might have been like with more cannibalistic mutants. Other than brief bits of “character development”–we learn that one of the trainees is a peacenik, another is a hothead and a third is a hottie–the film offers nothing more than the sight of them being picked off in routine-yet-disgusting ways until the end credits roll and we can finally go home.

Considering the fact that Craven, a one-time college professor, has often laced his horror film with healthy doses of social/political commentary (most notably in the relatively unsung "The People Under the Stairs"), fans might assume that, given the set-up of a group of soldiers who discover unparalleled savagery in their own metaphorical backyards, his screenplay for "The Hills Have Eyes 2" might contain traces of such elements that would elevate it above most of the other recent exercises in gore-porn. Sadly, the film was obviously slapped together in a hurry solely to cash in on the surprise success of the remake before the current vogue for torture-based entertainment dies out and it shows throughout. The good guys are presented so indifferently that we don’t care for a second which ones live and which ones die, the bad guys are indistinct lugs are more off-putting than frightening and director Martin Weisz figures that if he throws in enough stabbing, piercings and gougings, we won’t notice his complete inability to develop even mild tension, let alone the nerve-wracking terror that one might logically expect from a film of this type. Even the gorehounds in the audience that I saw it with seemed more bored with the proceedings than anything else.

Of course, there are some people out there who will still be cheerfully willing to plunk down $9 to see “The Hills Have Eyes II” just to see what depravities are on display this time around. In the name of public service I offer a brief and incomplete list. During its 89-minute running time, we see a pregnant woman in the throes of an exceptionally messy labor who is murdered as soon as the baby arrives, a few skewerings, a couple of dismemberments, a rape and a guy who has been imprisoned inside the business end of a portable toilet. In what I assume was meant to be the most over-the-top moment, the climax offers up the spectacle of one of the mutants having his skull cracked open and chunks of his brain yanked out. For anyone who has made it to this point in the film, it will probably come as no surprise to discover that this particular injury winds up not being a fatal blow.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=15600&reviewer=389
originally posted: 03/23/07 05:28:34
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User Comments

1/07/14 Martin Horrible writing, acting, story. Great gore, action. Really hot blonde. 3 stars
8/25/12 roscoe a horror flick that's more of a action flick. that's wrong 2 stars
1/04/10 art HORRIBLE,JUST LIKE THE 1977 original,and that 20006 REMAKE! 1 stars
6/20/09 Yahel I was inpressed with Daniella Alonso, she lives in my building 4 stars
1/14/09 Shaun Wallner Friiggin Awesome!! 5 stars
1/06/09 FrankNFurter Yuck!I need a hot shower with a loofah after seeing this gutter-trash. 1 stars
2/16/08 ben dover fucking wank 1 stars
12/17/07 Thomas Pacheco great sequal to a great original horror film 4 stars
10/24/07 art makes you wish you never saw part one 1 stars
9/13/07 Monday Morning The feelgood movie of the year! What year, I don't know... 2 stars
8/18/07 mr.mike not all that good 2 stars
4/03/07 Summersweet207 i only liked the first one because of the gore 3 stars
3/30/07 Mike Similar to the descent but better! Lighten up and have fun critics! 4 stars
3/28/07 becky What can I say? Cannibals made by radiation...? 2 stars
3/24/07 irbear Total waste of time!!!! 1 stars
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