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Overall Rating

Awesome: 17.11%
Worth A Look: 12.3%
Just Average: 12.3%
Pretty Crappy: 18.72%

7 reviews, 145 user ratings

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I Know Who Killed Me
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by Peter Sobczynski

"The Six-Million-Dollar Skank"
3 stars

Back in the good old days of exploitation moviemaking, it wasn’t unusual for a producer to dream up a killer title for a film–one that would stand out on a poster and grab a potential viewer’s attention–and only then hire some poor schmuck to construct a film around it. Sometimes they succeeded, such as the immortal “I Was A Teenage Werewolf,” sometimes they failed, as anyone who saw “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies” can attest. As you can probably imagine, many of these title-based films went to pretty extreme lengths to justify their monikers--I once read about a producer who hired a filmmaker to direct “The Beast With 1,000,000 Eyes” and when he saw the finished product, he was aghast to see that the director somehow forgot to include a Beast With 1,000,000 Eyes and was forced to solve the problem by poking a lot of holes in a teakettle and filming it in shadows as steam poured out of it–but I can’t easily recall one that jumped through as many bizarre hoops to do so as the new thriller “I Know Who Killed Me” does. I suspect that screenwriter Jeffrey Hammond dreamed up that line–an admittedly catchy bit of B-movie prose that ranks right up there with the infamous opening of “D.O.A.” when Edmond O’Brien staggered into the police station and said “I wanna report a murder–mine”–before writing anything else and only after selling it did he attempt to figure out a story that would somehow logically lead up to it. Apparently that attempt failed miserably and, unwilling to squander such a perfect line, instead decided to surround it with one of the looniest screenplays in recent memory–a collection of screwy plot developments, red herrings and moments so vast and inexplicable that even Dario Argento, no stranger to nutball narratives himself, might have deemed it too daft to be (dis)believed.

As you may have heard, Lindsay Lohan stars as Aubrey Fleming, a junior college student who is, we are repeatedly assured, a brilliant writer, a gifted pianist and the possessor of an all-around perfect life. So perfect, in fact, that we can almost begin counting down to the moment when something horrible happens that will change her life forever. That moments occurs when she is apparently abducted by a mysterious serial killer that has been stalking the area–a maniac who enjoys torturing his victims for weeks on end by binding them up, using slabs of dry ice to inflict frostbite one extremity at a time and then slicing off said extremities with pieces of glass (while the victims are hyper-conscious thanks to doses of amphetamines) before eventually leaving them to die. For the next couple of weeks, a massive manhunt ensues but Aubrey is nowhere to be found. Eventually, Aubrey is discovered in a ditch, still alive but now missing a hand and a leg.

However, when Aubrey regains consciousness, she claims that she is not Aubrey at all–she insists that she is a stripper named Dakota Moss and that she has no idea of how she wound up in the ditch or of how she lost her hand and leg. Naturally, the cops assume that she is lying but can’t understand why and Aubrey’s parents (Neal McDonough and Julia Ormond), assuming that she is really their daughter in the throes of a trauma-induced breakdown, bring her home from the hospital in an attempt to jog her memory. Once there, Dakota, with the aid of Aubrey’s boyfriend (Brian Geraghty), decides to look into things for herself and after a series of bizarre dreams and unexpected bleedings (which she looks up on-line using the phrase “Bleeding Wounds Unexplained”), she becomes convinced that she and Aubrey do indeed share some kind of mysterious connection. After a series of violent encounters, shocking revelations and room-thumping amputee sex with Aubrey’s boyfriend (while Mom pretends not to notice downstairs), Dakota finally unravels enough of the mystery to utter that deathless title line in a moment so powerful that I guess we are supposed to overlook the minor fact that, based on the information that she is going on, she almost certainly couldn’t have known who killed her after all. (Perhaps she deduced it by reading the screenplay and figuring out who the most seemingly superfluous character was–a difficult job in this case since virtually every character, including hers, could fall under that description.)

Then again, perhaps Hammond and director Chris Sivertson were working under the assumption that we would be so poleaxed by the strange goings-on leading up to that moment that we wouldn’t have the strength or capacity for rational thought to question the illogic of the moment. Essentially, “I Know Who Killed Me” is a deranged frappe of a film that combines elements from “The Double Life of Veronique,” a certain Alexandre Dumas novel (to mention the name would be too much of a spoiler) and a below-average Skinemax movie into a framework that suggest what “Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me” might have been like if it had been directed by an idiot. The movie keeps piling on one outlandish plot twist or development after another and after a while, the only suspense that is generated comes from wondering just what nuttiness is coming around the corner. For me, the crowing bit of lunacy was the introduction of, I kid you not, the super-powerful robot hand and leg that Dakota is outfitted with as part of the local hospital’s plan to create a Six-Million-Dollar Skank. Of course, none of this is even hinted at in the trailers and I have to say that I think that Tri-Star is missing a sure thing by keeping it hidden–I suspect that if people knew that “I Know Who Killed Me” featured a scene in which Lindsay Lohan fends off her attacker with her magical robot hand, they would flock to the theater in droves. (Sure, most of them would be there to see “The Simpsons Movie” but I think some of them might have drifted into an adjoining theater afterwards to check it out.)

Adding to the lunatic feel of the film is the unavoidable fact that there are many scenes that now play much differently in the light of Lindsay Lohan’s recent troubles than they might have otherwise–there are so many of these moments that this ostensibly serious movie inspires more laughs than many straightforward comedies that I could mention. At one point, for example, Dakota goes on a rant about her late mother and decries her as a crack whore who never had any interest in her unless it was payday. There is also a moment in which the underage Dakota shows off her phony ID to get her stripper job and the boss declares “If your ID says that you’re 21, you’re 21 to me.” For me, the funniest of these inadvertently hilarious moments are the ones where we see Dakota at work at the strip club doing a routine that gets everyone hot and bothered even though she never actually gets around to any real nudity–not only is this amusing in the way that all striptease scenes are when performed by actresses who have been cast in such roles despite their evident no-nudity clause (just once, I would like to hear a customer in one of those scenes, and not a member of the film’s audience, yell out “Come on, take it off!”), it becomes especially hilarious when you consider that Lohan’s questionable wardrobe choices in real life have already allowed most of the potential audience to have a glimpse at what she is struggling so mightily to keep from view for once in her life.

Look, I cannot in good conscience actually recommend that you take your hard-earned money and use it to see “I Know Who Killed Me”–it doesn’t make a lick of sense (it gets so weird that at one point, noted crackpot Art Bell is brought in to explain things), the acting is spectacularly bad, both from Lohan (we are supposed to be surprised by Lohan’s personality shift from the sweet Aubrey to the coarse Dakota but she plays both in the same shrilly unpleasant manner) and the rest of the cast (Julia Ormond has one scene with a teddy bear that is not only the single worst moment in the film, it could possibly be the single worst moment by any actress in the history of film) and Sivertson, making his directorial debut, tries and fails to elevate the tawdry material with any number of pretentious stylistic choices (he favors a red-blue color scheme for the visuals that is so overwhelming at times that the film often looks as though it was shot using one of those cheapo 3-D processes with the colored glasses that never work). And yet, there is a part of me that wishes that I did have the nerve to recommend it after all because while it is terrible, it is the kind of strangely fascinating terrible that can make for an entertaining time at the movies under the right circumstances (such as at one of those Brew & View places on cheap beer night). Yes, it is a bad movie but as bad movies go, it is undeniably compelling in its crackpot cruddiness. Besides, I have to say that while I might have undergone many feelings while watching it, boredom certainly wasn’t one of them. Let me put it this way–if you have been waiting since the release of “Battlefield Earth” for a big-budget star vehicle as ridiculously conceived and executed as that one, your patience has finally been rewarded.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=16399&reviewer=389
originally posted: 07/27/07 23:16:11
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User Comments

1/17/15 Dane Youssef The worst thing Lohan could have possibly done, including her DUI's. An arrestable offense! 1 stars
1/21/12 UXrumera No Comment 5 stars
1/29/11 mr.mike Starts with a "Twin Peaks" type feel , soon goes downhill. 2 stars
10/26/10 anna lei da movie wuzz alright, but i didnt get it until like,the ending.wish there wuzznt n ending! 5 stars
7/24/10 MOVIEADDICT92 *was not the best horro movie yet, but was the worst horro flim shot* 1 stars
6/27/10 art a MUCH-MALIGHNED MYSTERY film,LOHAN was BEAUTIFUL! 4 stars
6/08/10 shayy ok... wow to this movie it was iight bt i kept watchnit n did nt stop well only unexplained 3 stars
4/08/10 Val Not bad...but not a good movie.At the beginnnig i got completely confused 3 stars
1/30/10 laresha Totally groos..............nobody even died *i know who cut my dumb ass! 3 stars
11/06/09 dana love the movie& totaly amazing & awesome!!!! 5 stars
9/24/09 Lindsay5 This movie changed my life for the better....! 5 stars
12/11/08 Jack Sommersby As unsuccessful as it is, give it points for actually trying. 2 stars
11/26/08 the dork knight HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! 1 stars
11/21/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
6/28/08 Gabby the movie was aswome and aubree DID die wach the movie more than yall understand 5 stars
6/27/08 Caleigh i don't get why it is called "i know who killed me". aubree or dakota didn't even die. 4 stars
6/22/08 sausy minx Not a bad film .. but not great either. A little confusing at times 3 stars
6/19/08 corvashia the movie was not as good as it seemed on the priviews and had no piont she didnt even die 1 stars
6/19/08 princess12 i did not like the movie at all it hjad no story line 2 it at all, it waz nasty............ 1 stars
6/17/08 someone I hated it it was really confusing and it had no story line the starting was really weird. 1 stars
6/17/08 Roni~ the movie wasnt scary and i wasnt suprised she was pole dancing just a little freaked out 4 stars
6/12/08 jennifer fuentes i thought the movie was good but confusing 5 stars
5/23/08 ashley omg. shes a whore in this movie. and it suckedd. 1 stars
5/01/08 chris she doesnt even get killed.... I KNOW WHO CUT ME 5 stars
4/26/08 Alisha Christine Awesome!!!!! 5 stars
4/25/08 jarvis love the movie let's see more like it 5 stars
4/15/08 Larry Gonzalez lindsay lohan you are the best in everyway I love you! 5 stars
4/15/08 Alan ali wiam scary 4 stars
3/29/08 racheal simmons lindsey your a pole dancer in this movie wow 5 stars
3/23/08 Haley It was an awesome movie. 5 stars
2/29/08 Ivana Mann As comedy, it is a triumph as funny as it's title. As a thriller...it is indescribably bad! 2 stars
1/29/08 Ming Not worth to watch at all..she better start a new career 1 stars
1/28/08 LyonHeart44 Dear Lindsay, I know who killed me. It was YOU! Signed, Your Career 2 stars
1/24/08 CT I know who killed my hour and fourty five minutes 1 stars
1/19/08 Tracy T. Horrible! But hilarious! The plot was ridiculous and the acting pathetic. 1 stars
1/19/08 Jayson Laughable. And we all know pole-dancing means box office death. 1 stars
12/30/07 WigBig/SigFig They needed to explained who actually killed her and why, duh! The FBI dissappeared! 1 stars
12/28/07 lisa it was so silly and confusing I didn't care at the end to have someone explain it. 1 stars
12/06/07 Murderdoll This movie makes me ashamed to be apart of Western society, just garbage 1 stars
11/28/07 Amy Dempsey way to weird. I had a hard time following. 2 stars
11/27/07 action movie fan the boredom killed me 2 stars
11/09/07 Juliet scary and funny.. just a good mix and i love it 4 stars
10/27/07 David Horrible sex scene... both of them are ugly 1 stars
10/26/07 hor its pretty ok and I don't understand for such a criticism 4 stars
10/23/07 jermaine its very nice but it its so short 1 stars
10/22/07 regine really confusing...dont watch it..coz you wont understand.. 3 stars
10/19/07 Anastacia wow, great movie,i like Lindsay Lohan more after this movie 5 stars
10/13/07 vivir we cant get the essence of the story. yet somewhat we njoyed the bed scene.wahaha 4 stars
10/13/07 czairra lantaca i love it..oh my gosh..it is an excellent movie 5 stars
10/10/07 eca funny movie 3 stars
10/10/07 marjorie i liked the story but not the show. 3 stars
10/07/07 niki dude it was cool bt the endin suckd wat hapns when aubrey find out dekota sleepd wid her bf 4 stars
10/07/07 charllotte the film is very interesting but im not satisfied to its ending.. 5 stars
10/05/07 strawberry jam hella boring. god made me feel sick. 1 stars
10/03/07 dknight it's obvious from the start that she's having a "split personality"... 2 stars
10/01/07 danajean that's true..the movie was so boring..... 1 stars
9/26/07 mary sally waste of money waste of time! felt like 2 horny bastards watching her c grade sex skills. 1 stars
9/24/07 jopet damn lindsay lohan... she very sexy and beautiful.. i wish i could see her... sarap mo!!! 5 stars
9/22/07 Progressively disappointed Lindsay Lohan fan Eerie seeing Lindsay Lohan part chopped away, just as reckless living's trashed her image. 2 stars
9/19/07 rad DUMB MOVIE (x1000000000000000000000000000000) 1 stars
9/16/07 jerlin not scary, hate it but we have no choice. waaa im afraid of the blood!! 2 stars
9/14/07 wikri Aubrey and Dakota existed. They where twins bought from a crackhead. 3 stars
9/14/07 scooterboy the ending might be the total picture of Aubrey/Dakota false reality... 2 stars
9/14/07 BCK Great Movie; just like all of Lindsay's. 5 stars
9/14/07 Dominique Harris This movie was good i pissed me off at the end though 4 stars
9/11/07 The Velcro Warlock First more gory than HOSTEL, then implausible middle, followed by totally hanging ending. 1 stars
9/11/07 keron i want to watch it again! it's awwwesome. did you guys hear abt the 2 diff interpretations? 5 stars
9/11/07 bleedingheart she plyed an terrific role it's a shame how her talent is going to drugs 5 stars
9/09/07 Samdaman itt suck balls 1 stars
9/09/07 Karla I loved it but i really didnn't understand the ending!! 5 stars
9/07/07 Ali the Kid Awesome movie!!!! 5 stars
9/05/07 Cristina It was a good movie, but a little confusing. 4 stars
9/01/07 chelsy liked it heaps, need to pay a bit of attention!!! 5 stars
8/30/07 stephen the movie was good. but lil bit confusing mostly at the end. 4 stars
8/28/07 Yuri i freaken loved this movie! 5 stars
8/27/07 SAr it started out really interesting but sadly the ending was abit confusing and lame 3 stars
8/26/07 Jamie What a sorry excuse for a David Lynch tribute. He would be ashamed. 2 stars
8/25/07 parasvati a crying shame. but I haven't given up on Lindsay 1 stars
8/21/07 Flynn Started off good but ended horrible. Things didnt tie all the way up in the end. Confusing. 2 stars
8/21/07 ninfa theme was brilliant but reminded me of her shame 3 stars
8/20/07 Ina It's actally quite good, but definitively strange, and perheps it needs a second look... 4 stars
8/18/07 Sam The movie wasn't bad at all. Destined to be a cult classic! All u Lilo haters $@#% Off!! 5 stars
8/18/07 Jessica Sex, drugs, alcohol... wow. This movie sounds like a documentary of it's star's life. 1 stars
8/12/07 ANA. i loved this movie. It was something she's never done before. i loved the music. 4 stars
8/10/07 don she a dumb slutty ass hore who just wanted to fuck it was wack 1 stars
8/09/07 Luis I saw the movie and its okay but if u see the movie u will get lost watching it. 3 stars
8/09/07 Paralyzer. :] wtf is she doing fckin the guy with her nubs? she shouldnt be dancin with her pudgy stomach 1 stars
8/09/07 iyanna dean Movie was great. Although...it was like a thriller "parent trap" 4 stars
8/08/07 samantha didnt make any sense, bottom line. im still confused. i hope she died in the dirt. 1 stars
8/08/07 Sarahi Dang i liked it, it had irony to it and yeah even though i was kinda confused i liked it. 4 stars
8/08/07 Kezza The facial expressions of the piano teacher being killed, killed me! Waste of a matinee $6. 1 stars
8/08/07 Fat Teena Haha. This movie can't be taken seriously. My friends and I couldnt' stop laughing. 2 stars
8/07/07 Jazzy The movie started off good...but ended horribly!! I would not recommend anyone to see it 2 stars
8/07/07 Trina Not bad, i'd rent it. Nice twist. 4 stars
8/07/07 afrobabe If i had paid for this i would have killed Lindsay myself 1 stars
8/06/07 Private Hate to pile on but this was a total and complete failure. Awful film. 1 stars
8/06/07 shanae' first off it was like a porno movie to me...too much stupidness...not a good movie. 1 stars
8/06/07 Shai yall stop hatin' lindsay made a good come back and the movie waswild it was really good 4 stars
8/06/07 crystal i really enjoyed this movie, it was like csi/horror. 4 stars
8/06/07 Leslie It wasnt scary at all, but some of the parts made me cringe. Some of it was unnessassary. 3 stars
8/05/07 Brittany W. It was a good movie but the ending sucked balls big time, like did they die in the woods 4 stars
8/05/07 Latoya this movie was the bomb meaning it was wonderful,i like it very much the suspense was great 5 stars
8/04/07 Brittany This was an ok movie but it didn't explain everything very well i was a little confused 3 stars
8/03/07 Terry she shouldnt have sex on camera!!!the movie was alright but sum of it was unnecessasary!!!! 4 stars
8/03/07 jasmine she made 2 many sex noises 4 stars
8/03/07 Celina B. This movie was o.k but some parts was unnessasary 3 stars
8/03/07 menda face lindsay cant act, she only did this movie to pay for her rapid coke addiction. 1 stars
8/03/07 alysha and shayla (friends) Good movie.go see it.NOW!!! 5 stars
8/01/07 Jessica I am sorry but.... this has to be the worst movie ever!! It wasn't even scary... =__= 5 stars
8/01/07 DJ The film rating industry must change. Instead of a vague code rating, we need specific info 1 stars
8/01/07 MaDmAN I Know What Killed Lindsays Career... 1 stars
7/31/07 erik probably one of the worst things i have ever seen on a screen of any kind. 1 stars
7/31/07 kate hahaha best comedy of the YEAR by far go LL- i keep telling everyone i hate to go see it 1 stars
7/31/07 salemswildcat Awful, Awful, did I say Awful 1 stars
7/31/07 meranda moviee made no fucking sense. very grusome. only watch it if you have someones hand to hold 3 stars
7/31/07 Meredith Movie was disgusting. If revolting, graphic violence bothers you, I don't recommend it. 2 stars
7/30/07 Balller Amazingly hilarious movie if you see it stoned, couldnt stop laughing. 1 stars
7/30/07 Chris Cama If you like creepy movies that make you sick then this has the sickness that wont let you s 2 stars
7/30/07 People get cut. That's Life. this was so much fun. Hilarious--the audience laughed through the whole thing and cheered 5 stars
7/29/07 nance i know who killed my career 1 stars
7/29/07 JOEY Lindsay Lohan is a crakbaby and this film is only helping her along the way... 2 stars
7/29/07 Stefano Ibarra It was oddly compelling. The macabre end was metaphoric and memorable. 4 stars
7/29/07 richard kongable Worst movie I've seen in years. Plot and dialogue were especially bad. 1 stars
7/28/07 kate I liked it. it had an outrageous storyline & was very gory, but fun. 4 stars
7/28/07 Todd Lohan is a turd covered in cat hair. She smells like carrots and throw-up. I don't like her 1 stars
7/28/07 Melissa Don't fill a vapid storyline with sex and violence 3 stars
7/28/07 Bill Gosse great review, Orndorf. Awful film. 1 stars
7/28/07 beton4 This might be one of the worst movies ever made 1 stars
7/28/07 The Cow New meaning to 'gratuitous sex and violence' 1 stars
7/28/07 Jacob Hernandez I loved it I thought it was very good. One of her best. 5 stars
7/28/07 elaine wait for dvd 3 stars
7/28/07 Steve Wow....do NOT go to this movie. It was horrible 1 stars
7/28/07 Mav988 Ridiculous. The more I try to explain it to friends, the more impossibly bad it gets. 1 stars
7/27/07 Sugarfoot Lohan is the next Jan-Michael Vincent, minus the 'talent' though. 1 stars
7/27/07 Marlon I walked out of the theatre after the first 40 minutes - at the Cast and Crew Screening! 1 stars
7/27/07 Mr. Monkey My brain caused me to shut down during the movie. It made for an excellent nap. 1 stars
7/27/07 Wendy Be drunk or stay home 1 stars
7/27/07 Heather Complete crap, save your money 1 stars
7/27/07 Meghan Dito- Thank GOD I saw it on a free pass. This is the ABSOLUTE worst I ever recall seeing!!! 1 stars
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  27-Jul-2007 (R)
  DVD: 27-Nov-2007



Directed by
  Chris Sivertson

Written by
  Jeff Hammond

  Lindsay Lohan
  Brian Geraghty
  Julia Ormond
  Neal McDonough
  Gregory Itzin

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