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Overall Rating
2.61

Awesome: 14.74%
Worth A Look: 12.63%
Just Average: 13.68%
Pretty Crappy36.84%
Sucks: 22.11%

6 reviews, 59 user ratings


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Runaway Bride
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by Chef ADogg

"Abysmal would be something of an understatement."
1 stars

Richard Gere. Julia Roberts. Gary Marshall. *gag*

Julia Roberts is the devil. A pretty lady, a talented actress, an all around likable human being.

It seems, however, that Miss Roberts is fond of heinous cinematic trickery. She makes her way through a few bubbly romantic comedies that please the mind without actually stimulating it to the point of thought, then spends the next decade doling out big stinky heaps of happy horseshit.

I'm gonna put "Runaway Bride" in my "Stepmom" file--movies that are not worth watching as entertainment (even in the sense of watching a film simply because of how shitty it is), but rather worthwhile as training videos.

I never want to see anything like this again. In my entire life. So I've decided to set up a special program, wherein all the folks who dream of one day playing in part in the world of entertainment must watch movies like this.

People can learn from this film.

They'll learn exactly what NOT to do when making a feature film. "Runaway Bride" isn't merely bad, it isn't merely sappy--it's the spirit of the antichrist packed into a few reels of slap happy celluloid. It unspools at a slow rate, dragging its feet through every stupid, unimaginably ridiculous scenario, arriving at the inevitable happy ending without any *oomph* whatsoever.

It is both more and less than a piece of shit, depending on how you look at it. More can be less and less can be more, but "Runaway Bride" can never be anything but a lump of rancid fecal matter.

As disconnected and nonsensical as that last paragraph was, it still means more than this two hour plus piece of crap posing as a film. Julia Roberts has a nice smile, Richard Gere mumbles and wishes it was the seventies and he was still working for Paul Schrader, and the rest of the cast do their best to overact in compensation for the blank leads.

Even Joan Cusack gets annoying. Joan Cusack, for Gods' sakes.

"Runaway Bride" can't even muster up a continous narrative flow. The scenes just *happen*, with no relation to the scenes pre- or proceeding them. Utterly lacking in wit, skill, and care, the construction of the film depends upon a one liner here and a sight gag there to keep us glued.

That, and star power. But Julia Roberts don't do much for me here, and Richard Gere turns in another godawful performance. He gives off negative charisma, for chrissakes--he's an actor as blackhole.

Garry Marshall still pieces together a film with sturdy, sitcom colored construction paper, but his technique has never seemed more threadbare or ridiculous.

Ridiculous--that's the word for this movie. A movie that makes no sense, that has no ties to reality, that no sane person would willingly sit through. A movie that tosses integrity and right-thinking out the window in favor of low watt stars and an achingly bad script.

It won't make you think, it won't touch you--this monstrosity of a film won't even ENTERTAIN you. It's just there, an abomination and a disgrace. "Runaway Bride" is a stain on cinema.

Ridiculous.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1822&reviewer=123
originally posted: 10/02/99 14:25:10
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User Comments

6/22/18 Suzanne I just love this movie and the two stars. 5 stars
7/03/11 Yvette My friend dragged me to the theater to see this and I wasn't impressed. 2 stars
7/04/10 PAUL SHORTT SLICK ROMANTIC COMEDY WITH ENGAGING PERFORMANCES 3 stars
4/03/09 Dane Youssef Impossible to swallow, believe or care about. Patronizing crap for the dumbest of women. 1 stars
2/17/08 Pamela White very true how women change thinking men want thaem to. 5 stars
12/21/05 cody a good story and good acting, everything else stunk bad and julia's worst movie yet 2 stars
10/01/05 Michael Candy-covered poisin in a nice package 3 stars
6/26/05 Doremimi Wow. Two-plus hours of my life that I can never get back. Can I sue? 2 stars
12/04/04 Kristina Williams Why women love Julia the HORSEFACE is beyond me. 1 stars
8/18/04 courtney i agree with butterbean on making a Pretty Woman 2 but still a great movie with a great end 4 stars
7/05/04 Emma Stewart quite a goood film but more of a 'chic flick' 4 stars
4/26/04 Maria Evans Loved the film, just great made me laugh loads at ike 5 stars
6/17/03 Erin Stupid. love Julia Roberts but this made me wonder why. doesn't compare to pretty woman 2 stars
3/20/03 Jack Sommersby Charming performances and good dialogue can't rescue mediocre story. 2 stars
8/07/02 I Can't Swim The day Julia retires, movies will automatically improve drastically 1 stars
6/11/02 hilarydsur worth a look 4 stars
4/27/02 Butterbean They made a shit movie instead of making a Pretty Woman 2. 2 stars
3/24/02 Veronica Foxx (The Raven-Haired Temptress) They shoulda just called this "The Julia Roberts Story". Or just watch A&E's Bio. same crap 2 stars
1/25/02 Carla Metzger Bearable until Maggie Crapenter runs out on one wedding too many 2 stars
1/05/02 Andrew Carden The First 10 Minutes Spoils You, and Afterwards, It Comes Tumbling Down. 2 stars
11/11/01 daniboy worse movie ever 1 stars
11/11/01 Gracy Lionheart UGH!!! I had to fight falling asleep. Stereotypical Julia Roberts movie...ugh. 1 stars
10/08/01 Jill I loved it! It is sweet and not afraid to show it! We need more light-hearted movies todayi 5 stars
6/25/01 Tzila Seewald CUTE! 4 stars
3/25/01 rafiy issa rafiy78@usa.net 5 stars
3/07/01 Sanja I want back wasted time of my life! 1 stars
2/28/01 Stephen It was AWESOME. 5 stars
12/27/00 Turtle Richard Gere's best movie I've seen. 5 stars
8/24/00 Terrie Smith Not nearly as good as 1990's "Pretty Woman"; charisma between the two is not there. 3 stars
6/08/00 Fishsticks Flat, moderately charming and decidely fluffy rom-com. 2 stars
4/03/00 yankee Roberts can't act, support is o.k., too predicted. snake dance was the best part 3 stars
3/15/00 fire-n-ice good if you have nothing else to watch 4 stars
3/05/00 Kyle Broflovski Gere & Roberts fall in love all over again. Who gives a rat's ass? 2 stars
2/28/00 Jed Well this better than some of the other richard gere films out there. 4 stars
12/09/99 Paul A feel good comedy 5 stars
10/26/99 Katherine I have LOVED so much this movie ! So romantic 5 stars
10/06/99 JIZMO CHEF ADOGG IS BEING TOO KIND IN HIS REVIEW!! DRECK AT ITS NASTIEST. 1 stars
10/03/99 Lindsey This was a cute movie, I only went because my friends were going, but it turned out good!!! 4 stars
9/20/99 Britt A feel good movie with some predicted laughs." 4 stars
9/19/99 Weird Andy Voight kicks ass. A first rate...oh, I thought this was a review for Runaway TRAIN. Sorry. 2 stars
9/05/99 voyant The fun, lighthearted fluff it's meant to be. 4 stars
9/03/99 godsdog Lame-ass, predictable humor. Follow-the-template writing. Paint by numbers, anyone? 3 stars
9/01/99 PhilmPhreak It pisses me off that I paid money to see this - oh wait, I snuck in - still sucked 2 stars
8/26/99 Meepos Seriously lacking integrity. Typical Garry Marshall syrup. 1 stars
8/22/99 funky chick not as good as notting hill 3 stars
8/14/99 JimBob Wouldnt I like to be the reason she has a headboard headache?!?!!!? 5 stars
8/13/99 Deanna You wanted maybe Anna Karenina? getthefuckoutta here!! Eye Candy and Charming 'Nuf for me 4 stars
8/11/99 Ryan The best movie I've seen this year! 5 stars
8/10/99 Vampyre9mm I would have liked it better if Julia Roberts was a hooker again. I want my money back. 2 stars
8/09/99 Jill Predictable and unrealistic 2 stars
8/04/99 Ken Gelineau Julia Roberts makes a better whore than a wife. Maybe that is why she keeps running away f 2 stars
8/04/99 Lauren Alvarez I really liked the movie. I thought it was funny! 5 stars
8/02/99 Jenn (Chuck) this movie was so adorable. Julia Roberts and Richard Gere are so cute together! I love it! 5 stars
8/01/99 Weird Andy Pretty people falling in love. Where's my 9mm? 2 stars
8/01/99 Laura Its a sweet and funny movie, not nearly as good as pretty woman, but still worth seeing. 4 stars
8/01/99 Malbert A little disappointing, but there were some good parts 3 stars
7/31/99 jenn "Blu Smrf" this is a must see for any romance lovers out there, take your dates to this movie!!! 5 stars
7/31/99 buddy not that bad, love that Julia. 4 stars
7/30/99 bucky do not let your sappy hallmark lovin' girlfriend drag you to this , its worse than the last 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  30-Jul-1999

UK
  N/A

Australia
  26-Aug-1999 (PG)




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