Jamie Kennedy's favorite movie review site
Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 

Overall Rating

Awesome: 25%
Worth A Look: 0%
Just Average: 0%
Pretty Crappy: 0%

1 review, 2 user ratings

Latest Reviews

Secret Garden, The (2020) by Peter Sobczynski

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker by Jay Seaver

Force of Nature by Rob Gonsalves

Greyhound by Rob Gonsalves

Undercover Vice: Strapped for Danger Part II by Rob Gonsalves

Painted Bird, The by Rob Gonsalves

Relativity by Jay Seaver

Amulet by Jay Seaver

Secret, The: Dare to Dream by Peter Sobczynski

She Dies Tomorrow by Peter Sobczynski

subscribe to this feed

Trojan War
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Charles Tatum

"American Crapfitti"
1 stars

Sometimes, a movie comes along that makes you want to sob, and not in the good way.

Will Friedle is Brad, a typical high schooler in love with the typical untouchable blonde goddess Brooke (Marley Shelton, a dead ringer for Kelly Preston circa "Mischief"). Brad has been in love with Brooke for years, and finally gets his chance when she invites him over to tutor her in biology. Things get heated during the study session, but Brad isn't packing any protection and must leave to go find condoms. This triggers a series of unfunny catastrophes along the lines of "American Graffitti," "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," "After Hours," "License to Drive," and any teen sex comedy the screenwriters saw before penning this thing.

"Trojan War" isn't just unfunny, it's unbearably sad. Jennifer Love Hewitt plays Leah, Brad's best friend. We know Brad and Leah are best friends because Leah mentions it HALF A DOZEN times- and I am not exaggerating. Leah also harbors a secret love for Brad, who is too taken with Brooke's beauty to notice. Wow, you've never seen that before, have you? How about Danny Masterson and Jason Marsden as two horny dweebs who think they are real ladies' men, even though they keep striking out? Or John Finn as Brad's dad, who lets Brad borrow his 1972 Jaguar, a car he loves more that life itself? Hey, Lee Majors is here! He plays a cop named "Austin"...a joke you might get if you were born before 1969. All of these stock characters and situations have been done, and much better by Hewitt in the underrated "Can't Hardly Wait," yet the cast gamely goes through the motions and gets zero laughs.

George Huang's direction is better than the script- a patchwork of teen angst and racism. Every Latino featured here is either a salsa dancing horny bimbo or a tagging gangbanger who steals cars. Even the title is a little misleading. Sure, Brad just wants a condom, but having the entire state of California stand in his way gets real old real quick. It is fun to see cameos and small roles featuring Wendie Malick, Anthony Michael Hall, Danny Trejo, and the spectacularly unfunny Kathy Griffin, but nothing helps. Even the reliable Friedle, who was the funniest thing about the sitcom "Boy Meets World," flounders, never finding a consistent Brad. The soundtrack features some cool names (although does Hewitt sing in every film she does?), but the songs themselves only register as barely-heard background noise.

"Trojan War" bombed when it came out, and with good reason(s). War really is hell.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=18915&reviewer=325
originally posted: 05/09/09 15:49:14
[printer] printer-friendly format  

User Comments

1/04/15 Megan love this movie! 5 stars
5/22/14 SIDDHARTHA GAUTAM really awesome movie have a watch 5 stars
Note: Duplicate, 'planted,' or other obviously improper comments
will be deleted at our discretion. So don't bother posting 'em. Thanks!
Your Name:
Your Comments:
Your Location: (state/province/country)
Your Rating:

Discuss this movie in our forum

  26-Sep-1997 (PG-13)
  DVD: 07-Jul-2010

  N/A (12)

  N/A (M)

Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Privacy Policy | | HBS Inc. |   
All data and site design copyright 1997-2017, HBS Entertainment, Inc.
Search for
reviews features movie title writer/director/cast