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Overall Rating
2.95

Awesome: 14.48%
Worth A Look: 21.89%
Just Average23.91%
Pretty Crappy: 23.23%
Sucks: 16.5%

12 reviews, 225 user ratings


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Planet of the Apes (2001)
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by Bishop

"Say it ain't so Tim, say it ain't so!"
1 stars

When Tim Burton took on the mammoth task of the blockbuster that was Batman, it was a phenomenal success. Batman Returns, well...umm. Anyway, Burton again takes on a mega movie in Planet of the Apes, a new movie based on the premise of the old one, but not a remake per se. What results is a dismal failure on most accounts.

Marky Mark (you just know he hates being called that) is the astronaut who lands on the mysterious planet that is inhabited by talking apes. These apes are authoritarian mister, and treat humans much the way America treated the Indians and Blacks earlier in real history. Whether this and the original film are metaphors on that level is uncertain. What is certain is that this film is boring, and only redeemed by an ending (which most hate) that for some reason only works because Tim Burton directed this film.
Well, Marky Mark escapes captivity and ventures his way across ape country, building a band of human rebels, with a few apes too (Helen Bonham Carter). Eventually, they must face the grim reality of confronting General Thade (Tim Roth) and his ape army commander (Micheal Clarke Duncan)in battle. Tim Roth, normally a quite gifted actor is totally over the top here as an ape with anger management issues. A big battle ensues, blah, blah, blah.
As was aforementioned, whether this film serves as a metaphor for the nature of racism is a question. Hmmm, then why does the ONLY black human [don't worry, he's not a main character (what a suprise, a black guy not a main character!) so nothing is spoiled for you] in the film die in battle? Spike Lee has GOTTA be pissed.
Well Marky Mark and his comrades fight apes, and that segues to some weird story, but we get a funny shot of a chimp in a space suit, which has a high, high comedic value. The ending to this film is slightly redemptive, in that is isn't the prototypical Hollywood ending. That and the chimp in the space suit are the best aspects of the "film."

Planet of the Apes is ridculous, boring, and too uptight. Tim Burton who is usually sound behind the camera really dropped the ball on this one. Oh well, thanks for the memories Timmy.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1897&reviewer=289
originally posted: 02/18/02 03:06:50
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User Comments

12/16/18 Ajp wales Seemed old in 2001. 3 stars
3/24/18 morris campbell good makeup & production design thats about it 3 stars
8/24/15 David Hollingsworth Complete waste of time and money! 1 stars
7/25/14 FireWithFire Tim Burton's Smug,Anti-White,Politically Correct,Preachy version.And badly made. 1 stars
11/26/11 AEB The music is good, the characters and story are disappointingly bland. 1 stars
8/02/11 Cliff Far behind the original in every way except visual appeal. And the ending made no sense. 2 stars
6/09/11 Silkworm Shit sandwich remake 1 stars
4/12/09 Dane Youssef A totally forgettable and unremarkable film. Not worth the time and effort. No blockbuster 2 stars
12/04/08 Shaun Wallner Great story! 3 stars
6/22/08 Ben Affleck Sweet...I've finally found an actor worse than me...Marky Mark Wahlberg...horray!!!! 1 stars
5/23/08 PAUL SHORTT UNIMAGINATIVE FARE, GENERIC AND HUMOURLESS HERO, BANAL VILLAIN 1 stars
6/15/07 Vincent Ebriega Inept and very average, compared to what Tim Burton can acheive with his hands. 2.5/5. 2 stars
2/03/07 Vip Ebriega Good film, but Burton would have done a better ending for this. 3 stars
9/03/06 David Pollastrini Great Make-up. 5 stars
7/10/06 David Cohen The ape make-up was good. If they had only spent some $ on the script 2 stars
1/22/06 Quigley I loved it as a kid but now it seemed to lose its touch. tim roth was awesome, though 3 stars
12/02/05 cr a ok remake with cool visual effects and better story,but little bit overdone and a bad end 3 stars
8/12/05 ES Never have I seen the awesomness of a movie so utterly destroyed by its ending 2 stars
8/05/05 Zack More faithful to the original book. 5 stars
5/27/05 Jake enjoyable sometimes but the ending SUCKED! 3 stars
3/12/05 Alice Colwell stupid 2 stars
2/19/05 Alice Colwell :( 2 stars
2/04/05 Lucas Worst remake ever. Incomprehensible. 1 stars
10/27/04 Daveman Burton's visuals are dazzling, but the film never amounts to anything above mere competence 2 stars
9/03/04 T.B. It like the orignal 4 stars
8/19/04 DM Where's Charlton Heston when you need him? 2 stars
5/30/04 Frazier Terrible re-make with poor acting and lack of good storyline 2 stars
5/13/04 tatum Burton could not direct an action scene to save his life 2 stars
4/30/04 Read it, Seen it, Done it Damn you! Damn you all to hell!!! 1 stars
4/12/04 Vince Useless, crappy remake. A waste of Burton's talent. 1 stars
3/29/04 Whadisay? No subtley, no class, no reason to watch 2 stars
3/16/04 hep Bad remake, not a shade on the original 2 stars
2/01/04 I Would Even for the typically style-over-content Burton, this is a beautiful looking piece of shit 2 stars
1/10/04 Matt R i saw it when it came out and well this is one movie that dosent stand up to time,woo nickD 2 stars
12/26/03 Genius Not so dreadful...but waay behind the ORIGINAL! 4 stars
12/17/03 john great ape make up can't save this boring turkey - watch the oreiginal folks! 1 stars
12/08/03 Samuel Not even close to the origional, but still a decent film... 3 stars
6/08/03 The Chronic Does Hollywood need some friggin' ideas?! I need a job man! 2 stars
4/04/03 Jack Bourbon Tim Burton: on crack, maybe? *Sniffle* 2 stars
3/03/03 Jack Sommersby Unimaginative and uninvolving. Poor direction, sodden star perf by Wahlberg. 1 stars
2/18/03 Pinkline Jones Bonham-Carter's best work since Barbarella 1 stars
2/08/03 Evil Bob FUCK THE PLANET!!! THIS MOVIE SUCKS DICK!!! 1 stars
12/10/02 Roddy fangirl Roddy is sorely missed, what crap! 1 stars
12/06/02 Kyle Not bad. But the only thing better than the original is the make-up :) 3 stars
8/19/02 jurassiraptor Way overhyped. Bad acting, bad characters, bad story, and plotholes galore. 2 stars
7/28/02 Piz unless you're like 80 years old, you'll like it better than the original 4 stars
7/11/02 Film Dude Shits all over the original. 2 stars
6/01/02 Chris You could rent the oringal or see this, it dones't really matter. 4 stars
3/31/02 KMG This movie could've been so much more...unfortunately it tanked big time 3 stars
3/28/02 NeuroManson Get your filthy hands off my movie, you damnned dirty human!!! 2 stars
2/24/02 Butterbean Burton never disappoints as a director. Brilliant costumes and makeup 4 stars
2/23/02 Kent Visually appealing but a disappointing story - too many coincidences and twists. 2 stars
2/23/02 Jenny Tullwartz Forgettable - better than MATRIX is best I can say of it 2 stars
2/22/02 Beyonder Mark Wahlberg did not finish its puberty, how could he save the humanity? coul 1 stars
2/20/02 Xaver Read the book. You'll be more entertained. 2 stars
2/02/02 Del When the native humans started talking, this movie started sucking 1 stars
1/21/02 Soap Lando Dull Humans, all of them - The APES had good reason to exterminate them ! 2 stars
1/08/02 Joe Good enough to keep me from getting up to go to the washroom a couple of times 4 stars
1/08/02 Spyguy2 Major disappointment ... from Burton just makes it worse- fails completely on all levels 1 stars
1/01/02 slipperyK andrew your a moron, thats why it's called a...remake 4 stars
1/01/02 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) It still sends a great message, but the new ending made NO sense! 2 stars
12/12/01 Chris K. OK film. Tries to ape (pun intended) the original 1968 film, but fails as average remake. 3 stars
12/09/01 Eric Planet of the Apes is exciting, fast-paced, and fun. Best summer film in years. 5 stars
12/04/01 Monday Morning I hated that touchy-feely girl ape who had a crush on Marky Mark. 4 stars
11/29/01 Andrew Carden Such A Rip-Off Of The Original, It Comes Off As Just Impossible 2 Watch. 1 stars
11/27/01 sdfr noisy, flashy and hollow remake of the beloved classic. Tim Roth rocks tho. 3 stars
11/08/01 Button Dark, violent, dull, and did I mention dark - literally? 1 stars
10/30/01 Sumixam Better than I expected, Apes seemed very real too 5 stars
10/17/01 I love movies solid remake, it's a lot of fun 5 stars
10/08/01 marzio arigoni@rtsi.ch good visual show, not the main male actor 4 stars
10/04/01 Mark Conway needed someone like george clooney in it to make it more appealing 3 stars
10/01/01 MoVeR what? it was the BEST film i swear except for the ending which was a bit cruel but still.. 5 stars
9/30/01 Phoenix The best plotted and acted blockbuster in a while. It exceeds the original at every turn. 5 stars
9/30/01 Evil Bitchwoman crap crap crap crap crap 1 stars
9/16/01 Bri It was okay, but needed Estella on all fours! 3 stars
9/16/01 Rebecca whalberg What a delightfull movie! Can't wait until the sequal! 5 stars
9/08/01 Stranded on the Island Burton's worst, this has a terrible script, huge plot holes. Don't wast $8.50, rent it! 2 stars
9/06/01 Jim Those damn dirty apes! Who let them write the screenplay? 1 stars
9/05/01 I love movies exciting, funny, intriguing, and smart! It actually had a story! 5 stars
9/03/01 the Grinch A movie that needed an update like Marky Mark needs another lead role... 3 stars
9/02/01 Steve The ending makes no sense, the acting was horrible. So bad it's almost funny. 1 stars
8/31/01 G-flat What the hell was that ending? Make any sense, no not at all. Look at the time dial. 1 stars
8/31/01 Butterbean Leave it to Tim Burton to give us outstanding visuals. 4 stars
8/29/01 viking Come on, it wasn't all that bad. At least it had more story than "Final Fantasy" 4 stars
8/28/01 Jim Renwick Not worth it. Definitely a Video rental 3 stars
8/28/01 Michael Flynn Not good, not bad. Stick with the original. 3 stars
8/28/01 Bueller Not bad. Except during that damn dirty Heston scene, I wanted to throw stuff at the screen. 3 stars
8/27/01 Al Not up to the original! 3 stars
8/26/01 spaceworm When he discovers the old ship, I murmured "ahhh, cool." Then it got shitty fast. 2 stars
8/26/01 Omniscient Genius Relentless grunting fiasco, pathetic dialog, no monkey sex 1 stars
8/26/01 Paul Westcott Pure fantasy trash; more entertainment can be gained by reading the side of a cereal box. 1 stars
8/25/01 kharisma campy, cliche, predictable, spend your money elsewhere... 2 stars
8/21/01 Matthew Bartley Enjoyable but not very Burton-esque 4 stars
8/20/01 P.Rodriguez I dunno what sum of U ppl r on. This movie was a fine modern adaptation of the classic. OK? 5 stars
8/19/01 saMas Estella Warren.....Yumm!! 3 stars
8/16/01 Dakamus Helana Bonham Carter makes one fugly monkey. 2 stars
8/15/01 Eric Pretty good story line. We know theres going to be a sequel because of the end. 4 stars
8/15/01 Erin are critics actually seeing this film one guy said the remake was better then the original 2 stars
8/15/01 ray thanks for explaining (sort of) the confusing ending that no one understood. 3 stars
8/15/01 Belinda Just forget it. Dont waste your money 1 stars
8/14/01 Bruce I enjoyed the film, but not the ending 4 stars
8/14/01 Alator Not what I expected but not saying it better than the original is wrong. 4 stars
8/14/01 Josef Goebbels the worst movie of the year. And what's with that angry ape gruntin' n' groanin' so much!!! 2 stars
8/14/01 onesmartcookie good movie 4 stars
8/14/01 AngryhippyXer I liked it. It's an action movie it's not suppose to have a lot of deep thinking dialogue 4 stars
8/13/01 Bueller Good movie. Now, can someone tell me why the hell that damn dirty Heston was in this flick? 4 stars
8/12/01 bullit17 A bit too predictable for Tim Burton, but still pretty cool 4 stars
8/12/01 Kevin C. Not enough action and story detail. Though the apes made for a spectacular showing. 3 stars
8/11/01 astrotart the visuals had me going but the story and muffled voices under ape masks were mostly lame. 3 stars
8/10/01 John Mallon Needs to be renamed Planet of the Inplausable. Saved only by the visuals. 2 stars
8/10/01 SJKelley Somehow it just doesn't work. Burton's fault, all Burton's fault. 2 stars
8/09/01 Girl 9 Walberg isn't great, but Burton's vision more than makes up for that. 4 stars
8/09/01 rich cirivilleri nice shots of monument valley. verry pretty. the movie? pure garbage on every level. 1 stars
8/08/01 clasina probably burton's worse film? this is frankenweinie poop! 2 stars
8/08/01 pinkbutterfly79 not bad, i thought it was entertaining 4 stars
8/08/01 C Rinehart Movie was good until the ending -stupid, stupid wrecked the movie for me 3 stars
8/07/01 Louise Wagner This movie was disgrace in the shadow of the original. It was totally tongue in cheek 1 stars
8/07/01 Randy Nicolosi Beautifully filmed crappy sci-fi action story! 2 stars
8/07/01 jOhn Morse Love Tim Burton's work visually, writers blew it. Very disappointed 2 stars
8/07/01 palaboy pretty decent effort from Tim Burton, the writers failed miserably though... 3 stars
8/07/01 Bobbie Pemberton Where did the horses come from? 3 stars
8/07/01 Steven M. Crabtree Definitely Tim Burton's worst effort. An empty shell without soul or substance 2 stars
8/07/01 Joe D. Surprisingly good, but 'over the top' in spots. 4 stars
8/06/01 ted v. the movie should have been good, but the very BAD ending mixed it all up! Lincoln, an APE?? 3 stars
8/06/01 garrick painful, trite, with the ending of a completely different movie. 1 stars
8/06/01 Piz plot holes but very well presented and pictured..fun movie but tough ending 4 stars
8/06/01 jan christopherson crap 1 stars
8/06/01 Barry Not Bad, But very slow to develop 2 stars
8/06/01 bobtesch@earthlink.net Better than expected 4 stars
8/06/01 Raiven Tim Roth and Rick Baker are geniuses. The writers should kneel at Rod Serlings grave. 4 stars
8/05/01 Movie Fan Started badly, got worse, then died. 2 stars
8/05/01 cheri worst movie since pulp fiction - waist of time and money 1 stars
8/05/01 Chris Rippel and Kathy Mitchum Dark ironic endings can be beautiful, but only when they make sense. 2 stars
8/05/01 E-Funk Not Burton's finest outing, but those apes are so fucking fun to watch! 4 stars
8/05/01 Amy I loved the movie. Mark was Fantastic. He played the role given.The script sucked. 5 stars
8/05/01 Amy I loved the movie. Mark was Fantastic. He played the role given.The script sucked. 5 stars
8/05/01 rainyday Entertaining....and isn't that what it's all about folks? 3 stars
8/05/01 Can I have a refund? Marky Mark Suckie Sucks 1 stars
8/05/01 derek deems a bad action movie with a neat twist to the ending . . . marky mark had no character 2 stars
8/04/01 Roy Smith Really good! Estella inspired some damn dirty thoughts! 4 stars
8/04/01 Studmaster It was so bad that I crapped in my pants and barfed at the same time! 1 stars
8/04/01 Linda I enjoyed the movie. There was no chemistry with Wahlberg. Special effects super! 4 stars
8/04/01 Deborah Pike-Thomas Excuse me, where did the horses come from?? And the ending -- WTF?? 2 stars
8/03/01 Kevin goodmovieoverall,ididntgetbored...awesomeeffects.endingmakesnosenseifyouhaveabrain...rentit 4 stars
8/03/01 Mark M I liked it Ok, especially the part where herides on the beach, sees the statue of Liberty 5 stars
8/03/01 Cory Hey - it was FUN. It's a FUN movie... (key word - movie!) 4 stars
8/03/01 chaz1066 I think this is a great movie as it is not just a re-hash of the original. Loved it! 4 stars
8/03/01 Mortis I was caught like a monkey with its hand in the cookie jar! 4 stars
8/03/01 Joe D awesome 5 stars
8/02/01 Mr. X The effects were special but the ending was not. 4 stars
8/02/01 ntwrage not too good 3 stars
8/02/01 puckfreak Lame, totally formulaic(sp?), gaping plot holes 2 stars
8/02/01 Axe_Murderer At last after major dissapointments (tomb raide,FF,JP3,) there is something i can look upto 5 stars
8/01/01 Wendy e Tripp i loved it!!!!!! saw it yesterday and TODAY!!! 5 stars
8/01/01 Ricky The first one really sucked. And this one was better than the first, but not by much. 2 stars
8/01/01 Satogy I enjoyed it .. entertaining great movie, but if expecting an art flick.. dont go. :) 5 stars
8/01/01 hunticus imperius A cross between Project X and the Patriot. Complete Garbage. 1 stars
7/31/01 Tom Poulos Not since the Green Mile & Saving Private Ryan have I enjoyed a movie . Excellent! 5 stars
7/31/01 frosty Not the best, but definitely worth a look. 4 stars
7/31/01 Crunchy Frog Estella Warren in a fur bikini! 4 stars
7/31/01 rainyday This was an entertaining and visually impressive movie....the make-up was great! 4 stars
7/31/01 Kim Walton terrible...don't waste your time! 1 stars
7/31/01 Julia sensational fabulous action packed funny creative original 5 stars
7/31/01 wrob The story blew - tons of baffling inconsistencies. Typical Burton crap. 1 stars
7/31/01 SOMEONE WITH TASTE A PATHETIC LUMP OF ANAL EXCRETION. AS DUMB AS TOAST. INFINITLY INFERIOR TO ORIGINAL. IDIOTS 1 stars
7/31/01 Greg O'Neill Very interesting and captivating!! 5 stars
7/31/01 Joe D People forget about the original! Can't wait for the sequel! 5 stars
7/31/01 Joe D People forget about the original! Can't wait for the sequel! 5 stars
7/31/01 David Cool visuals, great quotes from the original film, Tim Roth is a god. 4 stars
7/31/01 Jaleh Very disappointing. Terrible script, acting, even timing. Missed the whole point of POA. 1 stars
7/30/01 Louis what the hell is with the ending? 1 stars
7/30/01 Third Ivan Brainless script,, but entertaining all the same. Think of it as a comic book. 4 stars
7/30/01 Tha JZA Why, Tim Burton, why?!? All FX and no plot... a lot like JP3! 2 stars
7/30/01 Dan A predictable. Shitty for a Tim Burton film. not horrible but not even remotely good though. 2 stars
7/30/01 Darren Shea Weak script, gawd-awful ending, and a wooden Marky Mark = weakest Tim Burton film ever 2 stars
7/30/01 kev The chimp was the best actor in the movie and shoulda given "thumbs down", not up 2 stars
7/30/01 The Jeffrey APErham Lincoln--gimme a break--no story--less plot--great FX--there are MUCH better movies 2 stars
7/30/01 Unanon Entertaining.. great makeup! 4 stars
7/30/01 Erin Mark walhberg people is no longer longer a pimpin' rapper 3 stars
7/30/01 Michelle Tim Roth rocks and Estella wields a mean club, man! Nice boobs. 5 stars
7/30/01 Corie Interesting, kind of creepy 4 stars
7/30/01 Jester219 VERY predictible, entertaining to an extent, ending was badass, marky mark didnt deliver 3 stars
7/30/01 Big Stupid The makeup was great - big deal. Go see JP3 instead - it was a lot more fun. 3 stars
7/30/01 Joel how did the apes travel to earth? 4 stars
7/30/01 Katherine Perry Walberg, Roth, Clarke and the make up and ape training make this movie a chest thumper! 4 stars
7/30/01 Dean151_ The ending was Lame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 stars
7/29/01 ntwrage Quit bitching about the ending, it was fine. 5 stars
7/29/01 shankster Predictable but entertaining. Charlton Heston unwittingly mocks himself! 4 stars
7/29/01 Krystal overall good- entertaining 4 stars
7/29/01 Harry Pearson Visually drab. A fascist racist ending. Aside from some hambone performances, not much 2 stars
7/29/01 Peggy Sue Soon guessed where the apes & people came from but what about the hourses? 5 stars
7/29/01 John Lyons Pretty good, but the ending sucked 4 stars
7/29/01 Will I would've liked it a lot but all I remember is the ending and now I'm mad. 3 stars
7/29/01 Koitus GREAT makeup and set design! The film could have ended 5 minutes earlier, though. . . 3 stars
7/29/01 Ei Really lame ending setting up a sequel; otherwise a decent flick. 3 stars
7/29/01 Bob jones It was okay, but the ending doesn't make sense. 4 stars
7/29/01 BRIAN ENJOYED THE SPECIAL EFFECTS 4 stars
7/29/01 Jumbolya Entertaining movie, but seriously - what the hell did that ending mean? 4 stars
7/29/01 Kate Not as legitimately socially conscious as the first ones, but great nonetheless!!!! 5 stars
7/29/01 Jennifer Gaissert Was this screenplay done during the writer's strike? 4 stars
7/28/01 brent young i agree; many people are missing the point. burton rules, monkeys are funny -a good flick 5 stars
7/28/01 Nyartholep many reviewers are missing the point entirely. It's a great flick. 5 stars
7/28/01 E pretty entertaining 4 stars
7/28/01 Frode! Absolutly terrible, tired formula and poorly acted. 1 stars
7/28/01 JFK Much different that original - not afraid to make fun of itself - Charlton Heston rules. 4 stars
7/28/01 sdfk I wanted more; I got less; Overall worth seeing. More Mark/Helena ape romance please. 4 stars
7/28/01 Artist Freak Burton's most formulaic plot to date. Terrible script,great visuals,funny jokes at times. 3 stars
7/28/01 malcolm i was unmoved. awesome music though. pretty cool stunts. 3 stars
7/28/01 Joe D awesome 5 stars
7/28/01 mahone A "Plotamatic" effort that doesn't live up to the hype 3 stars
7/28/01 glory entertaining 4 stars
7/28/01 MarkyMark Too Think I Made it Through Without Taking Off My Shirt! 1 stars
7/28/01 zeitgeist not your typical overblown summer blockbuster. confusing? yes. confusional intelligence 5 stars
7/28/01 da3dAlus Pretty good for a summer movie, but ending left a bad taste. 3 stars
7/27/01 othree Marky Mark was weak, the storyline sucked, the masks/costumes were awsome! 2 stars
7/27/01 Joe D Best movie of the summer! 5 stars
7/27/01 bdf20 Sweet, this film kicks ass 5 stars
7/27/01 paul Soooo dark,turn on some lights and find a sunny location. I am disappointed . 3 stars
7/27/01 Theodore L. Green Definately Awesome....Enough refences to original, while totally unexpected 5 stars
7/27/01 Connor Dueck very entertaining 5 stars
7/27/01 Brad Mantz Pretty crappy 1 stars
7/27/01 Perry Ferrel kicks much ass 5 stars
7/26/01 Sonny Anastos I Went Ape Shit Over This Movie...5 Bananas 5 stars
7/23/01 Bigtool4U das war gut 1 stars
7/22/01 michael nicholls its a amazing 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  27-Jul-2001 (PG-13)

UK
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Australia
  09-Aug-2001 (M)




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