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Overall Rating

Awesome: 10.07%
Worth A Look: 28.78%
Just Average41.01%
Pretty Crappy: 13.67%
Sucks: 6.47%

13 reviews, 61 user ratings

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Whole Nine Yards, The
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by Chef ADogg

"A surprisingly painful experience."
1 stars

I like Bruce Willis. I do so grudgingly, because I am an American and Willis is the cinematic equivalent of apple pie and the Fourth of July. Having said that, "The Whole Nine Yards" is the kind of "film" that would cause even the most ardent of Bruce fans to falter in their praise and gleefully take our nation's mascot to task with an aluminum baseball bat.

"The Whole Nine Yards" centers around a mild mannered, double-taking dentist (Matthew Perry) who learns that his new neighbor is actually a famous contract killer, on the lam from the Hungarian gang he ratted out. All of this takes place, inexplicably, in Canada and features everyone from Rosanna Arquette to Kevin Pollack putting on goofy accents.

The hit man is played, of course, by Bruce Willis, who, despite his action credentials, seems to be extremely comfortable in his comedic surroudings. Which is the problem.

Comedy is, next to horror, the hardest genre to get right. With drama, if the story is good, the movie can be compelling no matter what. "Deep End of the Ocean"--direction sucked, performances were subpar, but it worked anyway. Comedy is so much more delicate. It's an art that depends entirely upon timing.

The actors in "The Whole Nine Yards," aside from Matthew Perry, are not concerned with timing in the least. They're aware that the material is very, very much beneath them, and have fun hamming at an audience that is operating on little or no expectations. In that respect, this is the very worst kind of movie.

This is a film made for no particular reason at all, other than some semi-famous people were sitting around with nothing to do and decided it would be fun (and somewhat profitable) to make a dumb comedy with Bruce Willis in the lead. The kind of movie in which the characters chuckle and you strongly suspect they're laughing at you and the money you shelled out to watch their halfass pet project.

Okay, I know this review is a quickie, but "The Whole Nine Yards" does not inspire the kind of thought that it takes to write an indepth review. The only thing it really did inspire was a quick trip to the manager's desk at the theater in an attempt to get my money back--a venture that turned out about as successfully as this movie.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=2013&reviewer=123
originally posted: 02/13/00 01:29:43
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User Comments

9/21/17 morris campbell fun if slight 3 stars
12/29/09 Dane Youssef A fun lightweight dark comedy from John Lynn. The cast deserves a whole Oscar. 4 stars
12/18/09 Jeff Wilder Lightweight yet fun. 3 stars
7/28/09 the dork knight It doesn't get funnier if Chandler slams into walls 500 times. I liked Arquette and Peet. 2 stars
12/14/07 Pamela White Bruce makes a better hitman than comedian but Perry keeps the laughs coming 4 stars
10/15/06 Charles Tatum Perry tries, some laughs and Peet's boobs save it 3 stars
8/24/05 ES I occassionally like mayo on my burger and fries 2 stars
6/04/05 Ubu the Ripper OK if you have nothing else to do and no one to do it with. 3 stars
4/24/05 DM Enjoyable, well-acted, goofy fluff 4 stars
3/11/05 Jeff Anderson Pretty funny & Peet is a STANDOUT! David Franco's ugly lensing of Montreal is poor, though! 3 stars
3/09/05 Fake Name Here Funny fluff, Arquette weirdly hysterical 4 stars
8/11/04 DJ ROXORZ JOO 5 stars
7/11/04 gag started off well....then turned down right ludicrous. fuck the dick head director 1 stars
4/23/04 J An entertaining movie! *** 4 stars
4/11/04 R.W. Welch Mildly amusing mob comedy, good turn by Willis. 3 stars
10/19/03 Curious George very good 5 stars
10/17/03 Josh Standlee Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry are a perfect combination! It's one hell of a funny movie! 5 stars
10/08/03 Tomo very good movie 5 stars
8/06/03 Kamie Hey i liked it, im lookin forward to the second one 4 stars
5/26/03 JoeSco Better than a Perry film should be and Natasha and Amanda are hot 4 stars
4/16/03 Andrew Carden Henstridge and Peet Provide Sex Appeal...but The Film Is Rarely Funny and Overlong. 2 stars
10/19/02 Paul Amanda Peet holding a gun, naked, is definately worth a look 4 stars
5/17/02 Dark Barøn Perry, drop the Chandler jokes already. Everything else was fine. 4 stars
4/01/02 Jim Chandler Bing meets the Sopranos; dumb cops steal the movie at the end 4 stars
2/20/02 Xaver The plot is quite clever. Loved the comedy. 4 stars
12/28/01 Doug Very funny. 5 stars
10/30/01 Casey GREAT MOVIE, i think i saw it about 20 times, Matthew Perry is the hottest man alive! 5 stars
10/29/01 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) Bruce Willis is pretty cool, Matthew Perry's funny, and Amanda Peet's hot. 3 stars
10/05/01 The $1.98 Pyramid Good. 3 stars
8/05/01 badfish Gotta love Brucie Baby! 5 stars
7/05/01 Roy Smith Mathew Perry is useless but Willis is a pro. 4 stars
5/04/01 The Chosen One Perry's a fuck up, but Peet makes it worth it 4 stars
2/19/01 Katie Excellent 5 stars
2/18/01 Phil M. Afficianado TheAngryJew's review is right on. It brightened a night on the road in a cheap motel room. 4 stars
2/18/01 Nic Saw it once - Would almost for sure never see it again. 3 stars
2/18/01 nicky the whole nine yards is awesome and matthew perry is so sexy 5 stars
1/09/01 Redbird The presence of Rosanna Arquette and Amanda Peete are enough to make this movie watchable 4 stars
10/21/00 Gremlin Well, I thought it was funny. 5 stars
10/02/00 Trina I like anything with WIllis in it 4 stars
9/05/00 Melis disappointing 3 stars
8/07/00 scott It was a real turd....but the tits were nice. 2 stars
7/24/00 Monday Morning There are more laughs in any average TV sitcom. Very disappointing. 2 stars
7/24/00 The Bomb 69 few laughs, a VERY average movie 3 stars
4/10/00 Ernie Levesque Leave your morals behind and sit back and enjoy! 4 stars
4/04/00 Belinda A video job if that! 2 stars
4/01/00 LucyB Fun Movie. Some Hillarious scenes.Credit goes to Mathew for all the best parts. 4 stars
3/30/00 Bruce A comedy right? So where are the laughs? 2 stars
3/15/00 Debra Worst movie I've seen in years. Dull, dull, dull !!!! 1 stars
3/13/00 Efman Fluffy first date flick... whats with the graphic killings?? 4 stars
3/07/00 Tom Burg the only reason you would think it's funny is because the ads told you it was 1 stars
3/03/00 Jackie Hilarious!!! Bruce & Matthew are brilliant! 5 stars
3/01/00 Sherry It was hilarious! 5 stars
2/28/00 Rachem A renter if I ever saw one. 3 stars
2/28/00 Zaw Oo Good ending. 5 stars
2/27/00 Jason Kallelis Great movie! Go see it. 4 stars
2/25/00 Poetcdh Funny film 4 stars
2/24/00 Allan Highly entertaining. Loved hating Rosana Arquette. 5 stars
2/21/00 Lindsay Alright. 3 stars
2/20/00 voyant bruce willis should play hitmen more often 4 stars
2/16/00 Andi very funny...not disappointing 3 stars
2/15/00 Amy wait for the video 3 stars
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