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Overall Rating

Awesome: 5.36%
Worth A Look: 6.25%
Just Average: 15.18%
Pretty Crappy: 21.43%

9 reviews, 58 user ratings

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Double Jeopardy
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by Chef ADogg

"Watch as Tommy employs the psychic energy of his sideburns."
1 stars

This movie could have been dumb fun for some people--you know, it's the kind of movie that you can pick apart, looking for all the loose ends and discrepancies in logic. You can marvel at the bad acting, direction, and script. Hell, you can marvel at the fact that the damn movie even got made. I can imagine it working on that level. But...personally? All I saw was sideburns.

Tommy Lee Jones with mutton chops is a creepy looking sonofabitch.

I've never really been a Tommy Lee fan--over the years, I've seen him play the same role over and over again. That works for some actors (Bruce Willis has made an entire career out of dotting the misfires with stints as John McClane, and we as a nation stand united behind him), but the role that Tommy Lee plays is not one that I particularly like.

He always does the whole tenacious-pursuer thing. I'd like to see Tommy Lee, just once, being the pursuee. If I had my way, in his next film Tommy Lee would be cast as a coked up porn star with a two foot cock being chased across the country by a feminist cult intent on chopping off his weenie as a statement of female empowerment.

But you don't always get what you want. Sometimes you have to settle for what Hollywood gives you. And, right now, Hollywood is offering up "Double Jeopardy."

It's the kind of thriller that makes you wonder why you even bother with thrillers anymore. It's the kind of movie that, upon hearing the plot, the words "lackluster," "mediocre," and "downright idiotic" come into mind.

It's the kind of movie that, upon viewing, replaces thoughts of "downright idiotic" with "retarded, formulaic waste of time." You walk in, you're fairly sure that this is just going to be another pointless retread of supsense films past--and then you're jolted within twenty minutes by the sheer godawfulness of what you're watching.

Unfuckingbelievable, you say to yourself. I paid to watch this? I just put some more money into Tommy Lee Jones' pocket? Ashley Judd just further squandered her talent? The assholes in this room are actually clapping, cheering, and generally having a great time?

But, you know, I almost clapped myself. In a scene near the end, Tommy Lee Jones gets shot. It looks like a pretty bad wound from where the audience sits, and you think he's dead. But the camera moves in tight, we sit in rapture for a few moments, and then he miraculously revives himself--drawing on the energy of his sideburns.

That's also, in case you were wondering, the place from which Tommy Lee Jones gets the small amounts of personality, intelligence, and charm that he does posess. As for talent--well, they're just sideburns, man.

They can't fucking do everything.

This slop has been number one at the box office for three weeks now. I think that makes a greater statement about the combined intelligence of the public than I ever could, with all the words in the world.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=2226&reviewer=123
originally posted: 10/12/99 01:00:42
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User Comments

6/24/19 Anne I missed the first 1/2 hr-the rest seemed entertaining 3 stars
9/13/17 morris campbell average 3 stars
7/23/08 Shaun Wallner Tommy Lee Jones is Awesome! 5 stars
4/18/08 R.W. Welch Sets up fine; gets steadily less credible as it goes along. 3 stars
9/18/07 Sugarfoot How Ashley Judd became a star will always remain a mystery unsolved. 1 stars
12/29/06 David Pollastrini somebody should have consulted a lawyer. 1 stars
11/09/05 Ashley i thought it was a pretty good movie 4 stars
11/02/04 krystle walker I loved this movie 5 stars
6/17/03 Trivetta Reese I loved this movie 5 stars
5/16/03 Bruce Abbott Guilty pleasure! Guilty because I for once actually enjoyed watching "Ballbuster"! 3 stars
3/29/03 Marcia Lartz Ashley Judd's best movie but she still never lets you forget her "ballbuster" persona. 4 stars
3/25/03 Jack Sommersby Catered to soccer moms: empty-headed and pretentious. Jones looks embarrassed as hell. 1 stars
9/01/02 movie guy THIS FILM WAS GREAT 5 stars
7/21/02 Kyle Andrew. YOU are the one with terrible taste. You like European Vacation, and tons of crap. 1 stars
5/27/02 Phuong "Andre" "Me-Me-Me" Nguyen Ashley Judd is a flaming git and should go back to her hole. SHE CAN'T ACT TO SAVE HERSELF! 1 stars
3/24/02 Veronica Foxx (The Raven-Haired Temptress) I'd give my left arm to see Jones or Judd NOT play the same role. Just ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
3/05/02 Ashley Corpening Surprising watchable for its leads - FUGITIVE role clone and unabashed "Ballbuster" 4 stars
1/07/02 Andrew Carden WOW! All Of You Have Horrible Tastes In Movies, Because This Was Excellent. 5 stars
9/17/01 Butterbean Cliched and predictable with a typecasted TL Jones. But it has it's moments. 3 stars
8/28/01 Gary Contrived, cliched, predictable and very badly acted. 1 stars
7/16/01 Josh Tybur I'm glad that the masses agree: this movie blows 1 stars
6/15/01 Rampage This movie sucked. The epitome of what has been wrong with Hollywood: big money, anti-logic 1 stars
6/13/01 Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatam & Howe No big deal, no surprises, no originality..poor TLJ, does he owe back taxes? 2 stars
4/07/01 FGM2Night Founded on a dopey premise, but ya can't deny Ashley Judd's stunning beauty. Wow! 3 stars
2/24/01 The Bomb 69 pretty cliched, a lawyer happens to be in jail with her, why couldn't she see her kid? 2 stars
10/04/00 Stuntman If you want suspense and action, go buy the Potter books. Hollywood has lost all faith 1 stars
9/27/00 Ground Zero You guys are weird, this movie is at its stupidity. What a crock of shit! 1 stars
9/08/00 Jed Good movie though flawed script it is certainly better than what most folks say. 3 stars
8/03/00 Bender Not too bad. Plus Ashley Judd is sexy as hell. 3 stars
7/08/00 Jed It wasn't that bad people laughable it is but not bad. 3 stars
6/26/00 Terrie Smith I expected a lot more. Script to blame for this one. 3 stars
4/16/00 bpelcher I liked this movie. I think you guys suck 4 stars
4/09/00 Doug {{{OZ}}}; ever read Huck Finn? 1 stars
3/18/00 Kris Reilly Pretty lame plot, because its A SEPARATE CRIME! But I like Ashley Judd. 2 stars
3/16/00 arnold total shit 1 stars
2/29/00 Booyah! Are you people nuts? This was cookie cutter filmmaking at it's total worst. What crap! 1 stars
2/28/00 JussMatt It's obvious Ashley has all the tallent in the family, but movie wasn't close to believable 3 stars
2/15/00 Neil Austin I paid 4 to see this pile of shite, I want my money back. 1 stars
2/01/00 Art Garfunkle's 12" dildo? A tie with all the rest of Tommy Lee Jones' movies for his best performance yet. 5 stars
1/14/00 strike Great comedy, lousy fucking thriller though... 3 stars
12/11/99 Obi Wan This flick is better suited for HBO not theatres! 3 stars
12/06/99 Demure33 I saw it for Ashley & that's all I got. Worth it for that but nothing else. 2 stars
11/25/99 Kevin Cho, movie-buff This movie wasn't THAT bad - It was pretty okay. No complaints. 4 stars
11/20/99 Mr. Invincible Dude. What the hell are you gawking at that crap for! 1 stars
11/08/99 Todd God that fucking sucked!! Can I sue to get back the two hours of my life I just wasted? 1 stars
11/07/99 focus The ad says it's the best movie of the year... yeah, right. Gimme a break here please! 1 stars
11/07/99 Jackie Martin Oh my God! 1 stars
10/29/99 rocketdoc At least Ashley was easy on the eyes. 2 stars
10/27/99 H'Woodbigshot This is Bimzi. Bimzi is two week old Gradule. Gradule comes out your ass. 1 stars
10/27/99 Mr Showbiz Utter and total horseshite. Why do people go to crap like this? 1 stars
10/26/99 pipeman Not great, but better than I had anticipated. 3 stars
10/25/99 DAVE BROKAW Ashley Judd is made for the part- 100% bitch 4 stars
10/25/99 voyant Not fantastic, not bad... just right. 3 stars
10/12/99 Cheryl It really wasn't all that bad. 3 stars
10/10/99 Ben Ryan A dry script, jumping from too many time frames, horrible acting, sleep thru it! 1 stars
10/09/99 Malbert I thought this was pretty good, ashley judd was great 4 stars
10/06/99 sophia962 Tommy Lee -- STOP making The Fugitive. It's over, learn to move on!! 2 stars
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  24-Sep-1999 (R)

  05-Nov-1999 (15)

  20-Jan-2000 (MA)

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