Scary Movie 5

Reviewed By Peter Sobczynski
Posted 04/26/13 11:35:53

"Makes Scary Movie 4 Look Like Airplane II"
1 stars (Sucks)

Say what you will about "Scary Movie 5"--and I promise you that there is precious little to offer in that regard--it has certainly cut down on the for delivering lame parodies of other movies. It used to be that one had to wait at least a year or so to see their favorite films ineptly parodied but not only does this one manage to mock the surprise hit "Mama," which came out only a couple of months ago, it even works in jokes specifically inspired by the "Evil Dead" remake that hit theaters just the week before


Apparently the producers heard about Domino's Pizza and their recent decision to back off of their famous 30-minutes-or-less and decided that someone had to pick up the slack in regards to delivering indigestible crap to consumers who evidently think that quality is for suckers. Trust me, you will have more fun and laughs working the late shift at Domino's on any given Friday night than you will by enduring this unspeakably unfunny waste of talent, money and 85 minutes that you will never get back.

Like its predecessors--all of which I have seen but none of which I recall in any great detail except to note that my review of "Scary Movie 3" was plagiarized by someone writing for the student paper at a prestigious East Coast college (whose formal apology I am still waiting for)--"Scary Movie 5" is a scattershot comedy that ostensibly means to spoof current trends in the horror movie genre, usually by repeating their key scenes and then adding in flatulence, vulgarity or the expulsion of some unsavory bodily fluid.

This time around, the main sources are the aforementioned "Mama" and the "Paranormal Activity" franchise but the film also takes odd shots at the likes of "Black Swan," "Inception," "Rise of the Planet of the Apes," "The Cabin in the Woods," "Fifty Shades of Grey" and the antics of Honey Boo Boo, Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan--the latter two actually turning up to take part in their own humiliation while acting as though they believe that "debasement" is where they store their Christmas ornaments.

Obviously, no sane person is going to be attending "Scary Movie 5" under the impression that it is going to be a brilliant piece of American humor but even on the level of cheerfully dumb gross-out comedy, this movie is the pits. Aside from one mildly amusing montage spoofing how Hollywood used to symbolize sexual congress, the jokes are horribly unfunny, frequently gross, offensive and delivered with no trace of wit, flair or proper comedic timing by an embarrassed-looking cast (none of whom I will mention here in the name of human decency except to note that Anna Faris is not among them).

The parodies themselves have absolutely nothing to say about what they are making fun of--which is insane because the low-fi shenanigans of the "Paranormal Activity" movies alone would seem to be ripe for proper satire--and only go for the lowest-hanging comedic fruit imaginable. When it gets tired of that, which is pretty quick, the film just flat out steals jokes from other sources, including the single funniest gag from the classic "Army of Darkness" and the old "Yakety Sax" bit from "The Benny Hill Show."

What is most mystifying about "Scary Movie 5" is that it was directed by Malcolm D. Lee, who made the funny blaxploitation spoof "Undercover Brother," and co-written by David Zucker, who was part of the ZAZ team responsible for such masterpieces as "Airplane!," "Top Secret" and the "Naked Gun" films, and Pat Proft, who also worked on the "Naked Gun" films. In other words, these are guy who know how films of this type should be done and yet, to go by their efforts, it beggars belief that they could have pulled themselves together enough to rent those titles, let alone make them.

How bad is "Scary Movie 5," you may ask? It is so bad that "A Haunted House" retains its position as the best "Paranormal Activity" spoof of 2013 despite its own rottenness. It is so bad that you will find better slapstick and comic timing on display in any five minutes of "To The Wonder" than you will here. It is so bad that at the end, some guys appear on the screen in Green Bay Packers uniforms and it occurred to me that even the members of that vile cult hardly deserve to be tagged by association with this mess.

The good news? "Scary Movie 5" is better than "Movie 43." The bad news? It is only marginally better at best.

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