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Dirty Grandpa
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by Peter Sobczynski

"From "Suck On This" To Just Plain Sucking"
1 stars

At this point, I am hesitant to use the words “Robert DeNiro” and “nadir” in the same sentence on the basis that no matter how close to seemingly hitting rock-bottom he seems to get in terms of picking terrible movies to appear in, including the likes of “Godsend,” “Hide and Seek,” “Little Fockers,” “Righteous Kill” and all the ones that don’t even make it to theaters and instead go straight to video, he always seems to sink a little lower by coming up with something like “New Year’s Eve,” “Red Lights” or “The Big Wedding.” And yet, I think that I can safely say that “Dirty Grandpa” is the nadir of DeNiro’s once-illustrious career because unless he plans on appearing in a 3-D remake of the immortal “2 Girls, 1 Cup” (presumably re-envisioned as an origin story with him playing the mysterious Señor Eduardo Cupp), I can’t imagine that even his ability to select the crappiest scripts available could cough one up worse than this grisly raunchfest.

He plays a man who, having just lost his wife of 40 years to cancer, insists that his grandson (Zac Efron), a straight-laced type who works in his dad’s law firm and who is about to marry a control freak co-worker (Julianne Hough) in a week, from Atlanta to Boca Raton. As it quickly turns out, Grandpa is a foul-mouthed, drunken horndog desperate to sow his wild oats (in this case, possibly Farina) and to save his grandson from throwing away his life on being a lawyer instead of pursuing his dream of being a photographer for Time. Along the way, the grandson comes across a former classmate (Zooey Deutch), a free-spirited hippie type who is such the opposite of his fiancee that it is almost as if he is being presented with two distinct paths for his future. Meanwhile, Grandpa sets his sights on the classmates friend (Aubrey Plaza), who is more than willing to nail the old man to satisfy her own quirky tastes.

Simply put, this film is an embarrassment on every conceivable level and even on some that haven't been thought of yet. The whole thing is little more than a dimly conceived collection of gross-out gags that have been strung together in the most tenuous manner imaginable and staged in such a clumsy and visually ugly manner that it makes those films that appear late at night on Cinemax with the words “Bikini” or “Busty” in the title seem like the works of Terrence Malick by comparison. The material is so terrible that anyone watching it will find themselves wondering how it could possibly be that no one in the production process ever spoke up and said “Wait—have you guys actually read this script? Are you sure you want to sink money and talent and time into this instead of literally anything else?”

Over the course of its 102-minute running time, you can see—let me consult my partial list—the guy who played Travis Bickle and Jake LaMotta masturbate to a porn video, chug beers, offering up endless verbal riffs on the word “cock” (with “horse cock” being a favorite variant), insult a character who has the temerity to be both black and gay, beat up a gang leader when he decides to make fun of the gay guy, do a terrible karaoke rendition of an Ice Cube classic, complete with deploying the “n” word (don’t worry—the black characters are cool with it), tell a dirty story about Andre the Giant and perform one of the grisliest sex scenes of all time with Plaza (who seems to have taken this part to prove that she could find a worse project than that Grumpy Cat movie). If that isn’t enough, you also get plenty of jokes about meth, lesbians, throat cancer and prison rape, the sight of Danny Glover yelling “Fuck em up, ALF!,” a “hilarious” bit where Efron is consulting with a rabbi without realizing that he has a swastika consisting entirely of penises drawn on his forehead and an even wackier bit where it looks as though he is sexually molesting a small boy.

Gross, stupid and never even slightly amusing for a moment, “Dirty Grandpa” is so irredeemably awful that not only will it never appear in any highlight reels at future Lifetime Achievement Awards for DeNiro in the future, it could well cause people to reconsider making such presentations in the first place.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=27878&reviewer=389
originally posted: 01/22/16 12:32:03
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  22-Jan-2016 (R)
  DVD: 17-May-2016

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  DVD: 17-May-2016

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