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Overall Rating

Awesome: 6.98%
Worth A Look: 11.63%
Just Average: 13.95%
Pretty Crappy41.86%
Sucks: 25.58%

2 reviews, 31 user ratings

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Saint, The
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by Chris Parry

"Bubblegum euro-based action that fails to satisfy on any level."
2 stars

There seems to be a trend in Hollywood. All female scientists MUST be gorgeous. Mira Sorvino in Mimic. Uma Thurman in Batman And Robin. And now Elisabeth Shue redoes the stereotype in The Saint.

Fans of the original Roger Moore TV series won't get more of the same with this schlocky remake. In fact, precious few people will get much of anything other than a cheap thrill.

It's a popcorn movie. If you could unscrew the top of your head, take your brain out of your skull and rest it on the chair beside you, it wouldn't miss much.

Shue is the brain on buns who has discovered the secret of 'cold fusion' (ooooh), a new power source that could have every person in the world eating caviar in a week and a half.. or something.

Val Kilmer is The Saint. Master of disguise, action man, mack daddy, yada yada. He has to get the secret, oops, but Liz is a hottie, now he has to protect her secret from the clutches of evil...

Oh, it's all so boring.

I'll grant that Kilmer's disguises look better than Bruce Willis' in The Jackal - but if you shave your privates and tape the offcuts to the end of your nose, you've pretty much beaten Bruce already, so don't be going to see this movie just for the clever disguises. Some false teeth, some bad hair, yeah good, thanks for coming.

There's your standard action fare, a couple of chases, some cunning escapes, cliche romance, happy endings, snoooooooooore.

Then there's Shue. She's so completely wooden that she should join her brother on a Spelling soap opera. Sure, she's got a great rack, but that's all. There's clearly nothing going on upstairs and Shue was undoubtedly only cast for two reasons - 1) she's a fox - and 2) people know who she is.

I'd have paid more money to watch a fucking sock puppet recite her lines. The emotion level would have been the same but at least there may have been some humor. Performances like this could quite possibly be acheived much cheaper, and more effectively, using CGI characters and voiceovers.

Overall, not a winner. Not smart, not funky, not the film that had to be made. I'd have much preffered to see an elderly Roger Moore bring his original character back, somewhat slower than he was in the day, but at least with the kind of style that Val Kilmer is incapable of.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=307&reviewer=1
originally posted: 08/31/98 08:05:53
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User Comments

11/14/11 Chris. Warning: Lots of cheese, eat with crackers 2 stars
3/17/08 kowface A dog is a dog-by any other name. 1 stars
2/10/08 Pamela White interesting but not the real Saint 3 stars
1/07/07 JM Synth Okay, but more likely to leave you screaming for Moore than for more 3 stars
12/27/04 The Mockingbird I'm with Jason, I could make fun of it at every step and yet... 4 stars
7/04/04 The More You Know 3 miracles 1) ignores camp, but fun. 2) defies logic, but clever. 3) lacks cred, but savvy! 5 stars
5/05/04 John really dull 2 stars
1/05/04 cwlg420 One of my favs 5 stars
10/03/03 Joesco Despite the georgeous Elisabeth virtually unwatchable 2 stars
3/25/03 Jack Sommersby Crushingly dull, lifeless adventure. 1 stars
3/20/03 May Q. Horney Seldom was so momentous a subject rendered so lame by a movie. 2 stars
10/02/02 Jason This is a bad movie, not good at all, but for some strange reason I LOVE IT 5 stars
1/26/02 Andrew Carden Prtety Interesting. Elizabeth Shue Was Great. 4 stars
11/23/01 Shams Huque I watched for Elisabeth Shue, who's gorgeous! 4 stars
7/16/01 bobbuttons despite my better judgment i enjoyed the film...watch it if you're bored on a Sunday 3 stars
7/03/01 R.W. Welch Sub par believability, has a few interesting moments. 2 stars
5/06/01 Gracy Lionheart "Sir, Please take off your pants, I mean your sweater." Doh!!! Boring Movie!!! 2 stars
4/01/01 Jesse L What a disappointment.. 1 stars
6/07/00 TERRIE SMITH Pretty boring; get the impression Kilmer wishes he was somewhere else. 3 stars
5/01/00 lucas jackson waste of money 2 stars
2/19/99 Piz pretty way out there syory, but a cool good guy/bad guy movie 4 stars
12/26/98 Schizofrenic No comment. What a snoozefest. 2 stars
11/27/98 Mr.Pink Very ridiculous ans so bad, it's good! 4 stars
11/12/98 Jules FUCKING STUPID! I think movie makers have a found a new formula for ruining good ideas... 1 stars
9/15/98 Negative Creep Without any actual film score this film was a snoozefest. 2 stars
9/06/98 Young Einstein A non-event. Too much action, not enough substance. 2 stars
8/31/98 MikeF this was long. wih out the eye candy (Shue) it would of totaly sucked. 2 stars
8/24/98 Matt Elisabeth Shue in a bra, but the rest of it is pretty average stuff 3 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball Pseudo-scientific neo-action bollocks. 1 stars
8/20/98 The Man With The Helmet Shue is fun to look at, but park your brain. 3 stars
8/16/98 {{{OZ}}} US action in a Euro-setting. Why a female scientist has to be gorgeous is beyond me. 2 stars
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  04-Apr-1997 (PG-13)



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