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Overall Rating
2.58

Awesome: 8.33%
Worth A Look: 16.67%
Just Average: 0%
Pretty Crappy75%
Sucks: 0%

1 review, 6 user ratings


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Gloria (1999)
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by Ophelia13

"tenkyouveddymuch."
2 stars

Sharon Stone really shouldn't do this. She is really good at playing psychotic bitches, but this stupid bimbo thing is really out of her range.

It's confusing. Gloria is a supposedly heartwearming movie, with a little bit of shooting, and a little bit of cursing, and a little bit of really bad accents. That's not the confusing part. The confusing part is that someone would try and make it suspenseful, try so very hard at that, and not succeed in the least.

Sharon Stone is Gloria, and she just got out of a Miami prison for something she didn't do. She took the rap for a guy in New York on the condition that she gets a little money out of it. Actually, it was probably a lot of money, but we never see it. When poor Gloria goes to see this guy (played by Jeremy Northam) she discovers that not only has he remodeled her apartment, the only way she's going to get that money is if she lets him take care of her. She wants out, and he won't give her the money.

Then, Gloria meets Nicky. Nicky is a little boy whose parents were taken out by Jeremy Northam's goons because they knew stuff. And all this stuff they knew, it was stored on a little tiny diskette, which the goons needed to appease Ruby (the highest in the chain of bad guys). Now, I am willing to stretch my imagination to accept that all this information would fit on a little bitty disk like that (which it probably wouldn't) but I find it hard to believe that there are no duplicates, and that Nicky's father would give him the disk and send him off alone in the middle of the big city to find his Uncle Manny. But there aren't duplicates, and Nicky is sent off with the information in his overalls pocket. When Gloria discovers that the goons plan on killing little Nicky, she gets pissed and takes the boy (and the disk) with her. I admire that, I suppose. I would have given them the damn disk, taken the kid, and ran like hell.

But, you're saying, that wouldn't amount to much of a movie, right? Well, my friends, neither does this.

Gloria spends most of her time yelling at the boy, who has a tendency to yell right back using epithets that seem very disconcerting when emitted by a seven year old. Gloria yells at the boy, she yells at the bad guys, she yells at her sister-- there's a lot of yelling goin' on, and it doesn't seem to have a purpose other than to give Sharon Stone the opportunity to contort her face to make up for the fact that the character is out of her range.

But of course, in falling back on the heartwarming theme, Gloria starts to kind of like Nicky. This is true to every movie formula ever employed in the history of unoriginality. You don't believe it, even though you know exactly what's going to happen.

It's a heartwarming movie that isn't, a mob movie that isn't, and a good movie that, well, isn't. Sharon Stone could do much better, and she has.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=357&reviewer=130
originally posted: 12/29/99 13:37:46
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User Comments

3/31/06 Tanya I liked it even though it was not as good as the first original 4 stars
5/16/03 Andrew Carden Stone Is Boring In Title Role; Film Seems Overlong; Rowlands Could Kick Stone's Ass. 2 stars
4/03/03 Jack Sommersby Ill-advised remake is pretty lunk-headed, but Stone is commanding. 2 stars
3/05/02 Veronica Foxx aka The Raven-Haired Temptress I agree with Ophelia 13, stick with psycho bitch roles only, Sharon. Faux NY accent awful! 2 stars
10/01/00 Dave This is agreat movie! 5 stars
1/22/99 kakachinga Sharon Stone is still as sexy as ever. Nice Shots of her great LEGS! Yummy 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  22-Jan-1999 (R)

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