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Overall Rating

Awesome: 27.78%
Worth A Look43.83%
Just Average: 6.79%
Pretty Crappy: 15.43%
Sucks: 6.17%

10 reviews, 102 user ratings

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Blade II
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by David Cornelius

"The vamps are bigger, but the hero's still just as crappy."
2 stars

Enough people liked the first “Blade” to demand there be a “Blade II.” The same can also be said of “Weekend At Bernie’s,” so I guess there’s no accounting for taste. Anyway, I can say that “Blade II” is in fact better than the original, but then, so is gonorrhea.

“Blade II” once again stars Wesley Snipes (whose name is a complete sentence) as Blade, the half-man, half-vampire warrior who’s devoted his life to slaying vamps. For this second outing, we learn there’s a new, evolved form of vampire out there, called “reapers,” who are eating vamps like it’s the dinner buffet at Ponderosa. The “Vampire Nation” (whatever that is) asks Blade to help them put a stop to this new monster, before the whole world is destroyed.

Helping him in his quest are: Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), the greasy sidekick/ace mechanic who died in the first movie, but not really; Scud (Norman Reedus), the new, younger, less greasy sidekick; an elite group of vampire marines (inspired by the cast of “Aliens,” I think) including some guys named Priest and Snowman; and their leader, Reinhardt (Ron Perlman), who’s too mean to be bothered with a “Top Gun”-esque nickname.

While the whole thing’s about as brainless as the first movie, it does get points for looking a little better, thanks to stylish director Guillermo Del Toro (who gained fame making the clever thriller “Cronos,” only to then to waste such cred by getting stuck making “Mimic”). Del Toro makes sure everything looks super-sharp here, as has become the norm in goth-horror-action flicks lately; the eye candy of this film is a vast improvement over the murky, uninteresting look of the original.

Still, there’s far too little reason to be watching in the first place. Snipes is as awful as ever, trying to be far to serious and wanting oh-so-badly to sound cool. When the script (from David S. Goyer) calls for some emotional moments - a bad move in a film like this - Snipes’ efforts to emote comes off as pitiful. When aiming for the contemplative look, he looks instead like he’s cooking up a massive fart. I know this guy can act; he just hasn’t shown it lately.

The movie also makes the mistake of trying to infuse too much kung fu into the proceedings. That’s fine when you’ve got Donnie Yen as one of the vampire marines (he’s “Snowman” or “Goose” or “Stinky” or something), but when you have Snipes trying to do martial arts, you’re in for a failure.

The filmmakers tried to cover this Snipes’ lack of fu by creating a CGI Wesley to do some of the fancier, physically-impossible moves. It’s obvious and distracting, like when they’d cut to the cartoon Superman flying on the old TV show. Since the CGI in this movie is so very, very bad, the cartoon Blade takes a lifeless fight sequence and makes it wholly unwatchable.

The action is so boring in this film that I couldn’t help but take my mind off what should have been the fun aspects, only to concentrate on plot holes and logic gaps. Most noticeably, why, when the good guys learn nothing but sunlight will kill the reapers, does everyone continue to shoot at them anyway? For the rest of the film, characters keep the bullets flying instead of, you know, just opening a window. These are supposed to be smart warriors, and yet they keep forgetting how to destroy their foe. (Why do they bother taking along any weapons at all?)

Also in the why box: Why, if the vamps come to Blade in peace, do they fight first? Why risk death at the hand of a vampire killer if you only came to drop off a message? Why does Blade show so much interest in learning about the vampires’ way of life, if he’s supposed to know all that stuff already, being a vampire expert and all? Why does the discovery that the reapers were genetically created wind up making no sense and confusing an already muddled plot? And why does all the blood here look like Hawaiian Punch?

“Blade II” wants to be a smart movie. It’s not. It wants to be a fun movie. It’s not. It’s a loud, boring mess, with only the vague thought of Kristofferson reprising his role as Drunk Santa allowing for any real interest. It’s as big a waste as the first “Blade,” and while I’m sure some folks will love this new one as much as they did the old one, I’ll never understand why.

After all, people liked the Macarena, too.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=3922&reviewer=392
originally posted: 12/14/04 15:04:55
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User Comments

10/29/16 morris campbell way better than the original bloody good sequel 5 stars
8/17/09 PD On the 8th day, God Made Blade 2. This is the Greatest Movie Ever Made! 5 stars
9/02/08 Shaun Wallner Bloody Awesome!!! 5 stars
7/22/08 JM Synth Boring, incoherent and unpleasent 2 stars
6/21/08 David V Step down from the first. 2 stars
6/16/07 al smith far better than the oringinal.great action sequences 5 stars
4/11/07 rimrhino As much as I liked the first, this one was MUCH better. 5 stars
1/20/07 del Infinitely better than that festering turd of an original. 4 stars
11/29/06 Stanley Thai Probably the best flick in the franchise. 4 stars
9/02/06 Dragon The Artist Enough with the nerdy video game concepts, Like I said,shoulda been in a more "vampiric"era 2 stars
8/01/06 dan just as good as the first film 5 stars
4/02/06 Onions! Onions! Geekiest film ever made 1 stars
3/29/06 Josh Standlee Honestly, this is one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time!!!! 5 stars
2/11/06 dresdan same old boring crap, but fairly well made 2 stars
8/28/05 Jabberjaw INFINITELY better than the straight-to-video quality original. 5 stars
8/16/05 ES Even better than the original= kick ass 5 stars
8/10/05 AmandaGhost Yes, it outdid the original, but...so does just about any shitty movie... 5 stars
8/10/05 celia At least Snipes doesn't do anymore of that "Home Alone"-esque "Yesssss" crap here... 5 stars
8/09/05 Krull Guillermo del Toro can do no wrong...well...except maybe MIMIC... 5 stars
8/08/05 Dredd Definitely severed heads and shoulder above the toilet bowl original... 5 stars
8/08/05 Chris Redfield Blade 1 = Feces. Blade 2 = Surprisingly, a blast. Trinity, uh, haven't seen yet... 5 stars
8/07/05 Usagi Yojimbo People LIKED the original piece of dross and HATED this?!?!?! What a world we live in... 5 stars
8/07/05 Jasper Makes the original look like...well...the turd that it is...del Toro RULES!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
7/22/05 Martin A sympathetic enough "villian" and outstanding choreagraphy. 4 stars
7/09/05 Moctezuma A sequel that although not as good as the first, is still a good sequel 4 stars
12/13/04 Alf Awesome film! 5 stars
12/09/04 Jason Kaul WAY too much CGI.It would have been very good if it didn't look so cartoonish. But it does. 2 stars
12/04/04 Gray real vamps vs fag goth + Wesley Snipes? me like! 5 stars
5/09/04 Daveman Major improvement over the tedious original. More action less pretentiousness and plotholes 3 stars
1/16/04 Dean great effects 4 stars
1/12/04 American Slasher Goddess A little better then the original, it has more gore, too,but still far from being good. 2 stars
9/23/03 jack when i saw this movie, i went home and bit my dog on the neck! awesome flick! 5 stars
9/21/03 Rick Howells #1 fan!!!!!!! best movie ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
8/04/03 I Would Better than original with a better plot, better pacing and better effects. 2 and 1/2 stars 2 stars
7/27/03 Rona Dissatisfying sequel to a fantastic original. Formulaic. Lacked intensity. 2 stars
6/10/03 Brannie Herez Brannie, This movie looks sooo bad that i wont even bother to pay for movie tickets. 1 stars
6/08/03 Ripper Who cares about the story, Blade is the ultimate badazz 4 stars
6/07/03 Pete Pure crap 1 stars
6/04/03 Charles Tatum Cool 4 stars
5/19/03 Mr Yellow GRREEAAT 5 stars
4/13/03 Doopy Nomak wasn't as good a villain as Frost was but it's still a decent superhero flick. 4 stars
4/07/03 B. McNeal This film kick major arse! 5 stars
3/05/03 Dina Smith This was an alright movie. Better than ''Vampires'' anyway 3 stars
2/12/03 Loyd This movie is good but the thing is that its the same thing as the first.Blade needs blood. 4 stars
2/06/03 123 like the zombies, characters in this movie are lifeless 3 stars
1/20/03 Andy Bronson if you enjoyed the action in this movie search the net for Donnie Yen films 4 stars
11/29/02 Susan Great film, adored the action sequences 5 stars
11/03/02 Rob Entertaining but dumb! 4 stars
10/23/02 Interrog8 Lacked what made the first one great. But it was still fun. 4 stars
10/07/02 Tweeter I enjoyed the special effects and gada love the hottie vampire played by Leonor Varela 4 stars
9/30/02 some dude the soundtrack was bad i didnt like it the house of pain techno music wasnt on it 5 stars
9/29/02 Morally Sound A sequel that stays true to the original and doesn't loose it like most others. 5 stars
9/26/02 Tim A sequel that was even better than attack of the craps this summer. 5 stars
9/20/02 palaboy101 Blade is the coolest vampire movie to date... This sequel further establishes that! 5 stars
9/18/02 Danielle Ophelia Gloppy gore, dark & dirty atmosphere, and kung-fu battles set to techno music...I'm happy. 4 stars
9/12/02 John McNew Hey, Phoenix. The top critics seem to like it, Roger Ebert gave it 3.5/4 stars 4 stars
9/08/02 othree actually a solid movie, one ? thou when did vampires become ninjas 4 stars
9/01/02 Doc Shock Great mindless action entertainment, if you're in the mood for that sort of thing. 4 stars
8/21/02 jade It was like one hell of a rollercoaster ride!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
8/18/02 Shams Huque Fine entertainment! 5 stars
7/15/02 JS With fight scenes like that, it should've been called Blade II: Smackdown 4 stars
7/14/02 ! Awesome special effects, blade 1 was better, third would be the same AGAIN... 4 stars
6/26/02 Jonathan Davis good movie, no bell curve, more like an up down straight up movie 4 stars
6/25/02 Natalie Stonecipher An endurance test. Worse than wiping my butt with sandpaper! 1 stars
6/20/02 Jenny Tullwartz Filmed in Prague but not worth Czeching out. Interminable & monotonous. 1 stars
5/17/02 Phoenix Even better than the first, which was great. What the fuck is those movie critics problem. 5 stars
5/16/02 big t awsome 5 stars
4/25/02 Shane Robert Myers This WAY!!!!!! better than the 1st one & alot more action & thrills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/21/02 Bruce WOW! I was impressed! tons of action and thrills 5 stars
4/08/02 Eloise lotsa fighting - not much else. B1 was much better 3 stars
4/08/02 Jim Lots of action, but kinda disgusting even by my standards! 4 stars
4/07/02 Koitus The first one was MUCH better. This one is OK, as long as you go with the right mindset! 3 stars
4/07/02 Brian Movie kicked ass, possibly the best horror/action i've ever seen! 5 stars
4/04/02 Daniel Fuck you if you don' t like it 5 stars
4/04/02 Obi Wan I loved all the action sequences, no matrix ripoffs, good fight scenes! NEXT!!! 4 stars
4/02/02 Titus Poor plot, poor dialogue, unsatisfying action sequences, idiot characters. Frustrating. 2 stars
4/01/02 M. Lloyd More mindlees violence than you can shake a stick at. Get a big tub of popcorn for this one 4 stars
3/31/02 KMG If I wanted low-budget action garbage I would've watched a Stalloner 1 stars
3/28/02 Janine Lay I love Wesley Snipes, What can I say? I agree, plot sucks but great gore and fights 4 stars
3/27/02 Spyguy2 A nut-filled turd. 2 stars
3/27/02 melissa Blade II was the best movie I've seen in years, it really does the vampires justice 5 stars
3/27/02 malcolm super-violent, choppy story,not as good as the first 2 stars
3/27/02 wintermute I am still cleaning gizz of my movie seat 5 stars
3/25/02 Daedalus Why do my comments get deleted? I want people to know Blade 2 sucks. 2 stars
3/25/02 the Knave Well, other than being a CGI-enhanced repeat of the first movie's plot, it was fun. 4 stars
3/25/02 Roy Smith Violent. Gory. Bring the kids! Why is Whistler alive though? 4 stars
3/25/02 ntwrage It was shit, a big steaming pil of shit. 1 stars
3/24/02 Mike Miller Bad Ass Fucking Sequal to a Bad Ass fucking Movie! 5 stars
3/24/02 Rockitman007 pretty good sequal 4 stars
3/24/02 Veronica Foxx aka The Raven-Haired Temptress Well, I'm a sucker for vampires, blood, gore and other gross crap. Thoroughly enjoyable. 4 stars
3/24/02 UnkleFukka Peter/Claude...go suck a Canadian dick 5 stars
3/24/02 Peter Very bad! Absolutely ridiculous!!! Another american trash movie! For low I.Q. 1 stars
3/24/02 Claude A piece of shit! 1 stars
3/24/02 Brilanna This was much better than the first one. It was packed with non stop action. 5 stars
3/23/02 john WHO CAN STOP BLADE?!... 5 stars
3/23/02 Mikey Levy I am fat 5 stars
3/23/02 Daedalus Too many tired old plot devices. Action made it only slightly enjoyable at best. 2 stars
3/23/02 The Bomb 69 nice storyline with the mutated vamps, blood and gore is good 4 stars
3/22/02 E unreal movie, just plain fun 5 stars
3/22/02 WorkingClassDog If you are not looking for action stay home. 5 stars
3/22/02 Butterbean The action scenes weren't as impressive, but the storyline is much better! 5 stars
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  22-Mar-2002 (R)
  DVD: 03-Feb-2004



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