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Overall Rating

Awesome: 1.35%
Worth A Look: 8.11%
Just Average: 6.76%
Pretty Crappy: 35.14%

6 reviews, 38 user ratings

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Watcher, The
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by Jason Whyte

"'Watch' this!"
1 stars

"The Watcher" is about a serial killer who sends a picture to a FBI investigator and has a day to find the perp and then kills her on failure. Not only an incredibly lacking idea for a feature movie that has been done to death, "The Watcher" fails on all aspects to entertain and give us a good scare. If anything, it's a cure for insomnia. Or a good laugh. The only thing I learned from this movie is that it's ok for FBI agents to throw people up against walls if they choose to ignore you, and that serial killers have the depth perception of camcorders.

It's as if everyone is an idiot in this motion picture and they don't even know it. James Spader plays the FBI agent as alone, confused, afraid, popping pills to battle his past, that (a big spoiler here) his wife died! Meanwhile, the Spader character is still on the tail of this so-called creepy killer, played by Keanu Reeves in what seems like a role pre-Matrix heyday, as if the entire film was made before the 1999 sci-fi classic and was just decided to release now on the heels of "The Replacements."

And along we go, in a bunch of chase scenes and creepy phone calls, along with many flashbacks to Spader's past. Showing a flashback is one thing. But only using the graphics used in the opening credits sequence is not a way to set it forth.

The film is more funny than it is scary. Director Joe Charbanic is so lackluster in his thriller scenes, which have been edited in a series of negative flashes, slow motion, loud music, "Blair Witch" rip off camcorder photography, and the dredded, misused wide angle lenses again. While some movies may have tacked on endings, this entire movie feels tacked on, right from the creepfest scenes with piano wires, right down to the dull cops that are again two scenes behind the killer and are still drinking out of styrofoam coffee cups. This feels less like a film. It feels like a bunch of 35mm cut together with children's glue.

"The Watcher" is the kind of film with a few big names, that no one hears about, but is so bad they wait until two weeks before it comes out then BAM, it is released. Art that should be imitating life: James Spader popping pills in the movie, which is exactly he should be doing in real life after agreeing to star in "Supernova," and now this one.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=4462&reviewer=350
originally posted: 08/01/05 18:52:08
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User Comments

5/10/14 Captain pooper-scooper. Typos pop! Pop!! Pop!!!! Yaby an nigga be happy, you black chappy!!! Pig sweater. 4 stars
12/27/09 Juan Perez Keanu Reeves as a serial killer? Yes!! Awesome 5 stars
12/02/09 Jeff Wilder Mediocre. But not vomit inducing. 3 stars
7/05/09 Samantha Brennan A movie basically for the viewing eyes of people who love ignorant serial killers. 2 stars
12/20/08 Shaun Wallner This movie stinks!! 1 stars
10/04/06 Charles Tatum Lackluster and kinda dumb, but good work from Spader 2 stars
8/17/05 ES car is covered completely in gasoline, only the top catches fire= sigh 1 stars
8/06/05 Charlene Javier What a bomb! 1 stars
1/18/04 LIAM JACKSON Griffin was a sick fuck who just killed and fucking killed for nothing. nice guy. 4 stars
1/10/04 kaz average movie with good cast = bad directing 3 stars
3/11/03 Blabity blah It tried so hard....and failed miserably. 1 stars
4/05/02 Caligula Caligula says: don't watch this garbage. 1 stars
10/01/01 Phoenix A total waste of time. 2 stars
7/10/01 seldom scene semi suspensful with no twists or hook 2 stars
6/06/01 Dean FBI agent with junk food in the refrigerator, haunted by killer. How unconventional... 2 stars
4/23/01 TigerDream it was....... sorta....... okay, i guess....... 3 stars
3/30/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) Why, God?! WHY??!! 1 stars
3/26/01 Jesse L This is the first K.Reeves movie I did not like...IT STINKS 1 stars
3/24/01 Monster W. Kung One of the most pointless and trite movies to come out in the last decade. 1 stars
3/23/01 nowak Bad script. And Keanu is crap in any movie. 2 stars
3/22/01 TNT-6 Fucking sucks... dull, boring, and Keanu Reeves as a killer... laughable. 1 stars
3/10/01 Richard Wright First hour is riveting but the film suffers from a poor ending. A rewrite would've helped. 3 stars
3/04/01 Avenger Girl Pretty well done, a bit predictable though. Some attempt to make it visually exciting. 4 stars
1/08/01 Keanuette crap film, but KEANU did it as a favour and was ripped off! He's quite good in it though. 4 stars
10/27/00 Tdis72 Has to be the worst movie of the year. Reeves' worst performance ever. Sucked big time! 1 stars
10/07/00 Stuntman Like watching a badly done episode of that sissy Profiler cop show. Horrible. 1 stars
9/29/00 Zeitgeist typical hollywood sewage dished out to the masses 1 stars
9/22/00 Jacques Strap f**k Keanu and his mom... this movie blows 1 stars
9/16/00 JB Keanu is great in certain films, but not this one. Other actors were great. Especially COP. 1 stars
9/12/00 KAM suspenseful but pretty bad...poorly written and the movie looks like a music video 2 stars
9/11/00 Ground Zero Keany Reeves + bad movie = no-talent actor... Get a real job, hippie! 1 stars
9/10/00 **~**Persnickety**~** piece of shit says it all 1 stars
9/10/00 maclay01 This movie had a visceral feel that was washed out by the soundtrack - Entertaining 4 stars
9/10/00 Zeitgeist the kind of movie you forget all about 10 minutes after viewing it 2 stars
9/10/00 Boy In The Designer Bubble The movie guys in Hollywood must hate women something terrible, to make a movie like this! 1 stars
9/10/00 malcolm OK, nothing new 3 stars
9/05/00 Chris Clark Good flick - Keanu plays a good villain 4 stars
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  08-Sep-2000 (R)


  01-Mar-2001 (M)

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