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Overall Rating

Awesome: 9.38%
Worth A Look: 6.25%
Just Average: 0%
Pretty Crappy: 12.5%

1 review, 26 user ratings

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Juwanna Mann
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by EricDSnider

"This week's lesson: When the plot is old, the script had better be fresh."
1 stars

There’s a man who dresses as a woman, and Juwanna Mann is the fake name he comes up with. It’s a jokey name, obviously, up there with Seymour Butts and Amanda Huggenkiss. But NO ONE in the film notices it. No one ever says, “’Juwanna Mann’? What a funny name...!” No one even seem to think twice about it. Which is just one of many reasons why “Juwanna Mann” makes juwanna kill yourself.

What a stiflingly unfunny and unoriginal mess this is! Such half-hearted effort! Such a waste of talented people like Vivica A. Fox and Kevin Pollak! Such an affront to decent, hard-working transvestites everywhere!

It is about a maverick basketball player named Jamal Jeffries (Miguel A. Nuñez Jr.) who plays for the fictional Charlotte Beat in the fictional United Basketball Association. (The NBA -- which has previously been associated with such atrocities as Dennis Rodman -- apparently didn’t want to be involved with this movie.) Jamal is an egotistical jerk and a hothead, and his final stunt of stripping naked during a game gets him booted out of the league.

Soon, he is desperate for money. His girlfriend (played by Lil Kim, the world’s skankiest woman) has left him. He actually is very good at basketball, and it’s his sole talent. His only choice? To dress in drag and get a contract with a women’s team.

Movies like this perplex me, because I can’t imagine any situation in which I would feel I HAD to dress as a woman, much less where I would expect to get away with it. Yet people in movies seem to exhaust every other choice and arrive at that option with startling rapidness. They’re always vigorously heterosexual characters, too, insisting the LAST thing they want to do is pose as a woman -- which I am skeptical of, because I think if you REALLY didn’t want to wear women’s clothes, you’d find another solution.

Anyway, I have no problem with “Juwanna Mann” using a plot device that is as old as time, and that was already used once this year in another movie (”Sorority Boys”). Any old idea can be made entertaining if it’s done with the right flair and some witty dialogue.

“Juwanna Mann” has none of that. It’s as if the filmmakers - first time director Jesse Vaughan and first-time writer Bradley Allenstein -- knew there was no hope of making an original movie and so they didn’t even try.

There is dialogue like this, between Jamal and his agent (Kevin Pollak), as Jamal is forcing him to be a confederate in his scheme:

AGENT: This is blackmail!
JAMAL: No, it’s black female.
AGENT: That’s not funny.

And he’s right. If it were delivered rapid-fire, you might get a chuckle by being faster than the audience. Here, though, before Jamal says, “No, it’s black female,” he adjusts his wig and slaps the desk, giving a two- or three-second delay -- plenty of time for the audience to predict what he’s going to say, which makes his saying it profoundly unfunny.

What’s also frustrating is that no attempt is made to make Jamal’s disguise believable. I already mentioned how his lady name flies past everyone. But how did he get into the women’s league, anyway? Don’t they want to see a birth certificate, or a Social Security number, or something? Even ONE scene of Jamal setting up a bank account with the fake name, or going through some elaborate process to prove Juwanna’s identity, would have been helpful. It wouldn’t have been believable, but at least it would have shown that the filmmakers recognized the problem. As it is, I am disturbed to realize that after spending 90 minutes with this movie, I have found more flaws in it than the filmmakers did in the several months it took to write and produce it.

Jamal’s secret is eventually uncovered, of course. It happens when his wig falls off and suddenly everyone recognizes him. This means if he had grown out his natural hair to the length of the wig, he never would have been caught. Stupid, stupid, stupid. “Juwanna Mann” makes Mewanna Barfalot.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=5956&reviewer=247
originally posted: 06/24/02 17:42:22
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User Comments

3/28/08 Pamela White very cute 4 stars
4/26/06 tom jones very interesting and funny 5 stars
8/23/04 mia hamm kick this piece of horseshit in the nuts. 1 stars
7/05/04 Talonsoft Tired premise, offensive ideas, bad plot, bad acting just dumb 1 stars
6/17/04 Ryan Great 5 stars
5/30/04 Troy Kuprash I Dont Care What Other People Think...Damn Funny 5 stars
3/30/04 Paula Sylvia I just saw the film for the first time last night and I laughed myself crazy. Not for all 4 stars
2/02/04 Michael Barcafer I want a girl to fight me on Sunday February 29,04 1 stars
1/13/04 logo1366 If Michael Jordan put on a wig could he pass as as woman? 1 stars
10/13/03 jimmy d a thought provoking, suspens thriller that will leave you guessing to the very end! uhh no! 1 stars
4/29/03 KILL THOSE REAL CANCUN PEOPLE Most sports movies suck, but this takes the palm. 1 stars
3/27/03 No nudity shown in shower scenes, Duh!!! That's about as lame as bleeping out language in a documentary on Tourette's syndrome. 2 stars
3/04/03 Andrew Carden Weak and Tiredsome Drag Comedy Has Little Merit, and No Spark. 2 stars
2/28/03 Evil Bob Id rather play with knives....I WANT MY FUCKING DOLLARS BACK U SCUM...SUCK MY DICK! 1 stars
2/17/03 taj So amazingly bad that my bladder bled unfiltered urine all over my colon. 1 stars
1/07/03 Kevin can i be part of a squad of people who shoot people who make movies like this?? 1 stars
9/19/02 Miss Farzana Super 1 stars
7/30/02 Brian sucks all ass that has been, and all ass that is to be... 1 stars
7/08/02 iambubby Juwanna gimme my phuking money back? 1 stars
7/02/02 Veronica Foxx It's movies like this, that make me long for a 'no-star rating'. Ugh! Why, dammit? Why? 1 stars
7/01/02 gunter greatest movie ever made, destined for sequels, tv spinoffs and screen actor's guild awards 1 stars
6/24/02 jdajd Why is there no rating lower than sucks all ass? Perhaps one based on the drop in IQ? 1 stars
6/23/02 Joe Deblow Just LOOK AT THE FUCKING TITLE!!!!!! 1 stars
6/22/02 Todd kinda funny in parts, but sucked for the rest 2 stars
6/21/02 Butterbean People who havent seen it will come up with witty ways to say"it stinks". It's corny. 2 stars
6/21/02 Melissa in NYC I would personally fund suicide bombers to blow up every movie executive in Hollywood. 1 stars
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  21-Jun-2002 (PG-13)



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