Jamie Kennedy's favorite movie review site
Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Advertisement

Overall Rating
1

Awesome: 0%
Worth A Look: 0%
Just Average: 0%
Pretty Crappy: 0%
Sucks100%

2 reviews, 3 user ratings


Latest Reviews

Secret Garden, The (2020) by Peter Sobczynski

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker by Jay Seaver

Force of Nature by Rob Gonsalves

Greyhound by Rob Gonsalves

Undercover Vice: Strapped for Danger Part II by Rob Gonsalves

Painted Bird, The by Rob Gonsalves

Relativity by Jay Seaver

Amulet by Jay Seaver

Secret, The: Dare to Dream by Peter Sobczynski

She Dies Tomorrow by Peter Sobczynski

subscribe to this feed


Club Vampire
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Charles Tatum

"Clubbed senseless"
1 stars

I will never be a member of any club that would have me, especially this one.

Starr Andreeff is a single mom/stripper who gets attacked by a female vampire and left for dead. She begins to get a hankering for blood, and meets up with John Savage, looking like he's wondering where he left Michael Cimino's phone number. Savage is also a vampire and wants to let Andreef join his little vampire family, which consists of a British vamp, the blonde vamp who attacked Starr, and a green haired midget (I am not making this up). The family does not want Starr, so they try to kill Savage and Starr and Starr's kid.

Someone forgot to tell John Savage that this was a drama. He spends most of his screen time exhibiting more facial tics than Hugh Grant on a Jolt Cola bender, and he reads all of his lines like he is making a Farrelly Brothers film. Andreeff tries to make the most of a badly written role, but screenwriter/director Ruben goes for all the vampire cliches, like Starr eating her son's pet hamster and buying a lot of raw meat to fight the craving for blood. The kid also gets knocked around a lot, for those who think watching violence against children is really entertaining.

The film is extra gory, but not in a wild, over the top way like "Killer Tongue." Here, the gore is gross and never justified, it just occurs. It is just in the budget. Most of the R rating goes to Andreeff's coworkers, who are put through embarassing strip routines in the background of conversation scenes. The budget does not include vampire fangs! All the vampires here must stab their prey to eat. Nifty idea, unless you have already seen George Romero's "Martin."

Even at 77 minutes, and once you throw in Ruben's attempts at arty direction (skewed frames, blurred scenes), this is one tiresome, dull, and dirty ride. Leave this club and take a shower, you will need it.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=6027&reviewer=325
originally posted: 03/19/03 17:50:42
[printer] printer-friendly format  

User Comments

5/11/06 gary oh my god why do they make these films.....why........why.....why 1 stars
8/05/04 MooCowMoo Appalling rubbish - worst vampire flick ever! :=8P 1 stars
7/24/02 Charles Tatum So bad you want to die 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
Note: Duplicate, 'planted,' or other obviously improper comments
will be deleted at our discretion. So don't bother posting 'em. Thanks!
Your Name:
Your Comments:
Your Location: (state/province/country)
Your Rating:


Discuss this movie in our forum

USA
  27-Oct-1998 (R)
  DVD: 25-Jun-2002

UK
  N/A

Australia
  N/A


Directed by
  Andy Ruben

Written by
  Andy Ruben

Cast
  John Savage
  Starr Andreef
  Mariam Parris
  Michael J. Anderson
  Diana Frank
  Ross Malinger



Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Privacy Policy | | HBS Inc. |   
All data and site design copyright 1997-2017, HBS Entertainment, Inc.
Search for
reviews features movie title writer/director/cast