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Overall Rating

Awesome: 13.48%
Worth A Look36.88%
Just Average: 22.7%
Pretty Crappy: 19.86%
Sucks: 7.09%

10 reviews, 81 user ratings

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Transporter, The
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by David Cornelius

"Goes fast... and goes nowhere."
2 stars

The idea of super-badass Jason Statham playing a badass who kicks a lot and drives real fast seems like a good one. I mean, all you have to do is show this guy kicking and/or punching people and then driving a cool car, preferably at very high speeds.

So where, exactly, did “The Transporter” go wrong? The film, directed by Corey Yuen and produced and co-written by action movie maven Luc Besson, exists merely to show off a series of insane stunts, bitchin’ fight scenes, and loud ‘splosions. It does this, and it also gives us a sexy co-star, the lovely Qi Shu, for bonus eye candy. And yet it’s still somehow remarkably dull.

Perhaps this is because while, like so many Besson flicks, this one desperately wants to have the zing of a Hong Kong actioner, the action sequences here don’t have the kinetic oomph required in such a mindless effort. With one exception, the fight scenes never thrill and the chase scenes feel second rate. (The exception: Statham’s character fights a slew of baddies in an oil spill, making everyone extra slippery. It’s inventive enough to work.) Since we’re not giddy with action excitement, we’re stuck paying attention to the plot, which, in this plot’s case, is not good news.

The story: Frank Martin (Statham) is a retired military type now working as a no-nonsense transporter for various criminals. For a price, he’ll move anything or anyone. He also has his own set of rules: never change the plan; never give names; never look inside the package; never let them see you sweat; never feed them after midnight; never talk about Fight Club.

Anyway, while making a delivery for a group of particularly seedy bad guys, curiosity leads him to discover his package is a young woman (Shu), who escapes, then gets caught, then is delivered. Then the baddies try to kill Martin, possibly because he found out about the woman, or maybe not (the script’s not very clear on this issue).

Not one to enjoy an assassination attempt, Martin heads back to the baddies’ mansion, shoots a lot of people, punches a few others, then rescues the woman, because, um, he’s the hero or something. (The script isn’t clear on any motivations. Just roll with it.) It turns out the woman, named Lai, is connected to a ring of Chinese slaves being smuggled into France. (Never, ever base your plot around “Lethal Weapon 4.”) Or maybe she’s not. Or maybe she is. OK, she is.

Look, it’s never even too clear on why she was kidnapped in the first place, or why she’s falling in love with Martin, or why the whole thing has to end with our hero parachuting out of airplane and onto a semi truck. All I know is, the action’s about as useless as the plot, with chaotic editing (used to trim the film down to a PG-13 rating) and uninspired stunt work coming off as bland.

While watching “The Transporter,” I couldn’t help but think of BMW Films, the series of short movies produced for the internet, directed by some heavy talent (Ang Lee and Guy Ritchie, for example), and starring Clive Owen as a nameless Frank Martin kind of guy. Those shorts are little chunks of action movie bliss, with killer stunt driving and a wicked sense of fun. That’s what “The Transporter” should have been, not some lifeless, generic actioner with no sense of movement.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=6173&reviewer=392
originally posted: 05/31/05 15:59:06
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell transports the thrills to the viewer 4 stars
12/21/10 Josie Cotton is a goddess Worth seeing, but only once 3 stars
10/22/09 Rachel Really enjoyed this fast paced movie from start to finish! 5 stars
8/18/08 Shaun Wallner Great Action!! 5 stars
2/17/08 cdmtx awesome! 5 stars
12/02/07 davidbobo20 screw xXx, this movie is awesome! 5 stars
9/19/07 R.W. Welch C+ actioner has little that's new but moves well. 3 stars
9/29/06 Stanley Thai It's a good action flick. 4 stars
9/25/06 Anthony Feor It can keep up with itself 3 stars
2/18/06 Ronin Yup - Statham great and bad script. Sill nice to watch 4 stars
2/02/06 tony Good in its own way 4 stars
1/11/06 tatum Fun, mindless actioner 4 stars
10/30/05 chris exellent film i loved it 5 stars
10/14/05 Mike Statham great, horrific script, an old B Karate movie done modern. 2 stars
10/11/05 Tom Burns great action. 4 stars
10/09/05 Agent Sands It's fun, but very simplistic and anti-climatic. 4 stars
9/26/05 Indrid Cold Dumb, over-the-top Hong Kong style action movie = good fun. 4 stars
9/20/05 Carolyn Rathburn Another blow everything up and fall for the girl movie, it was great 4 stars
9/14/05 John great concept but pedestrian execution 3 stars
8/22/05 ES This movie has a great start and then devolves into Seagal/Van Damme fight style movie 1 stars
7/25/05 Eric Rollins A comic masterpiece, too bad it's not a comedy. 3 stars
6/04/05 Charlene Javier What was that about? 1 stars
6/02/05 deadwiz To much lack of story, and really pointless action 3 stars
4/25/05 E-FUNK I imagine this is what gay porn is like... but with less story and acting skills. 1 stars
3/14/05 Ronin Statham is as good actor as any guy picked randomly from the streets.Good montage. BMW rock 4 stars
1/27/05 Charlie Exciting, fast paced action flick! 4 stars
10/13/04 Sandy Great! 4 stars
8/16/04 Dean-o Qi-Chu is lovely. The film is not about plot, it is a demonstration of Sun Zi's Art Of War. 4 stars
8/11/04 Dean Why did she screech so much, it still don't get the kidnap part 4 stars
5/07/04 Stefan Halka Slick, well-choreographed fight scenes could not make up for the weak script the film had. 3 stars
4/16/04 Michael Greenwaldt Awesome action flick! The heck with crap like xXx and Vin Diesel, Statham oozes sex appeal! 4 stars
4/14/04 The More You Know Statham just misses box office success on 1 hand, Bruce Campbell cult status on the other. 4 stars
3/15/04 "Meth Labs" for DUMMIES WOW...Uhhh, WOW?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
11/14/03 HorrorScribbler Fun but loses all credibility when Statham parachutes onto a moving truck from a cropduster 4 stars
11/09/03 Shane Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE OF MY FAV'S NEXT TO "Cowboy Bebop: The Movie" & "Freddy VS. Jason"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
9/04/03 Lia Aranga Great, I love long car chases 4 stars
8/08/03 Eric Not high art, but packed with tons of great action, Statham's awesome 5 stars
8/04/03 punjab utter pish! 1 stars
6/22/03 David Get sillier as the clock rolls by, Statham's wasted here.... 3 stars
6/15/03 Jason Cowan Good 4 stars
6/12/03 Robin Swados "The Transporter" is one of the best bad movies I've see in years. It's a junk masterpiece! 4 stars
6/01/03 Daniella Great! Awesome! My Favorite! Incredible! 5 stars
6/01/03 Shane Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking great to watch, Jason Statham is the next Bruce Willis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
5/28/03 brentley Parity errors galore, illogical plot events... The fight scenes were ok, tho. 3 stars
5/21/03 Desert Rat Painfully lame!!! 1 stars
5/18/03 Zaharin Hamid aka The Movie Samseng It's like watching MTV while riding a rollercoaster! 4 stars
4/15/03 YES Car chases, martial arts fights, death-defying stunts, The Transporter's tons of fun. 5 stars
4/03/03 Ric Fun action romp, Jason Statham is the next great action star. 5 stars
3/28/03 Jon Killer action romp, but why does the plot for these kinda movies always have to be shit 4 stars
3/16/03 Peter Nice look on Paris. Lots of action, and great picture. A great movie for action fans. 5 stars
12/12/02 Natalie Stonecipher 2nd gratuitously violent film set in France I've seen this week. What kinda trend is this? 1 stars
12/08/02 ADP Action at the ebd was good but a lot of bad acting. Strathma has seen too many kung-fu movi 2 stars
12/04/02 Robin Fletcher ABSOfuckingLUTELY awesome! Statham is our new action star! 5 stars
11/26/02 malcolm great Hong Kong style action featuring white people 4 stars
11/25/02 Jeremy Witteveen Great action flick, if you don't expect too much characterization 4 stars
11/24/02 Ravenous Jason Statham is eye candy and fight choreography was fierce. Plot was non-existent 4 stars
11/10/02 jason wonderful 5 stars
11/08/02 Michael Bolton What a pile of crap, no plot just gay 'karate scenes' what a piece of shit. 1 stars
11/04/02 Tyler Rowe Wicked movie, thought it was great. Great stunts and karate scenes. 5 stars
11/04/02 Michael Buehler Wretched-An excuse to cram as much low rent choreographed violence into a movie as possible 1 stars
11/03/02 Anarchy Azmi barely average movie....at least its better xXx....which was completely gay 3 stars
10/31/02 F.E. The most fun I've had in a movie for a while! 5 stars
10/31/02 SGR Fights at about half the speed of Jet Li and has none of Jackie Chan's finesse 2 stars
10/28/02 Jason Statham Best Film ever 1 stars
10/26/02 Mr. Hat Jason Statham is cool, but not quite as much in this unrealistic action flick 3 stars
10/20/02 Jamer 1/3 Jackie Chan, 1/3 James Bond, 1/3 Hitman (videogame series). Good flick. 4 stars
10/19/02 The Bomb 69 white knuckle action with a decent script 5 stars
10/19/02 nick2k first half was fucking good...but what the hell happened to the script afterwards?!? 3 stars
10/15/02 wintermute The fighting was top notch and the bicycle pedals were truly original 4 stars
10/14/02 Interrog8 Loses touch with it's story, but the action keeps it going. Delivers where xXx couldn't. 4 stars
10/13/02 Uncle Salty We're not talking shakespear here, but it sure kicks XXX's ass. 4 stars
10/13/02 Matt Senne The best, worst, funniest movie ever. 5 stars
10/13/02 Chancey Sugarpants Not as dumb as I expected. It's fun, but didn't make me feel like a moron for watching it. 4 stars
10/13/02 Jiz Started as an original/cool action flick, half-way through turned into boring generic shit 3 stars
10/13/02 King Richard As long as you sit back and enjoy the show, and don't think at all, this flick is alright 4 stars
10/13/02 "Yes the shit." Good entertainment to sneak into. Or the 3 AM is a good idea. 3 stars
10/12/02 crashdavis This movie sucks all ass. Wait for it at 3am on HBO 9. 1 stars
10/11/02 syrius yeah, the script was bad, but the action more than makes up for it 4 stars
10/04/02 Buddha The dialogue was pretty damn hokey, but it's a fun ride. 4 stars
10/04/02 Zaw Good chaseing around europe small towns. I wish there were more chasing scences. 4 stars
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  11-Oct-2002 (PG-13)
  DVD: 23-Aug-2005


  31-Oct-2002 (M)

Directed by
  Corey Yuen

Written by
  Luc Besson

  Jason Statham
  Qi Shu
  Matt Schulze
  François Berléand
  Ric Young
  Doug Rand

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