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Awesome: 10.2%
Worth A Look: 6.12%
Just Average: 2.04%
Pretty Crappy: 36.73%

4 reviews, 25 user ratings

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Half Past Dead
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by wintermute

"Half Past Dead places Seagal Well Past Done"
2 stars

Proof positive that Steven Seagal should be kept away from all junk food, Half Past Dead should be the final black spot required to Mark this Knockoff for cinematic Death.

Not even Ja Rule's underused charisma could save Half Past Dead from being smothered under an improbable script and an incapable cast. Loosely, the film is centered around the exploits of a crack team of, umm, bad guys who are determined to extract a last minute confession from a death row gold thief, in the hopes to locate his hidden stash of 50 year old gold. Oh, and did I mention that this all takes place in New Alcatraz?

That's right, New Alcatraz. Same as the old Alcatraz, except the warden, 'El Fuego', (played by Tony Plana) wears a leather jacket, carries no weapon, and freely mixes with the prisoners. The 'prisoners' play Nintendo, spray paint murals on the walls, and generally do whatever the hell they want, including savagely beating on prison guards. In general, everyone seems pretty well adjusted, the prisoners get along with each other, and a good time is had by all. You get the feeling that the producers of this film had never seen Oz.

I can just imagine director Don Michael Paul pitching the story to the studio: 'Get this - the bad guys are going the break in to prison!' And break in they do, with the requisite helicopter crash and tough leather clad chick to kick Ja Rule around. Oh yeah, Ja Rule. You see, the way this film was cut together, I had almost forgot he was one of the MAIN CHARACTERS. It seems that these days it takes a little longer for the aging, puffy Seagal to lay the smack down on the baddies, so his fight scenes take up most of the middle of the film, massively slowing down the pace and unfortunately gleaning him more screen time than the surprisingly acceptable Ja Rule. One day, Ja's charm will be skillfully sculpted and filmed by a capable director in a quality film. But not if that film is Half Past Dead 2.

Why did I bother seeing this film - It was free, and I got a Half Past Dead toque. On top of that, I also got a lot of laughs from the horrific script and ludicrous plot. Wait for the video. Better yet, rent Hard to Kill and laugh at Seagal on the cheap. Tonight.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=6340&reviewer=321
originally posted: 11/16/02 01:02:11
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User Comments

11/10/11 matthew thompson dalldorf The title describes this movie pretty well 2 stars
6/23/09 Dave This movie is hilarious, awesome B grade, I still talk about it 7 years later. Hilarious 5 stars
9/23/07 The Real Segal Masterpiece. I could not have seen this coming. 5 stars
8/26/07 OutforaCookie One of the worst movies to hit the big screen... Seagal is worse than ever 1 stars
6/02/06 Rossi Lester made the movie. Lester was THE MAN! 4 stars
3/27/06 Brian Meyer Give it a chance, if nothing else it is entertaining. 4 stars
2/12/06 Anthony Rent it when nothing new is out 2 stars
6/15/05 R move over, Matrix! 1 stars
5/16/04 Jack Sommersby Bombastically uncouth, but it entertains. 3 stars
5/13/04 Stuart Time to retire aight! 2 stars
12/16/03 God CRAP! 1 stars
10/14/03 Ingo Sucks bigtime. 1 stars
10/11/03 iffet arkan STEVEN SEAGAL !! He is AWESOME again !! 5 stars
9/07/03 Sugarfoot Hey Seagal call 1800-03 -Jenny! 2 stars
5/16/03 georgiana phelps lots of action 5 stars
4/05/03 wayne oh my goodness 1 stars
3/09/03 Erykk This "film" was the equivalent of shaving my ass with a cheese grater. 1 stars
2/13/03 Andrew Carden Despite Good Action Scenes, The Film Is Far Too Confusing and Boring 2 stars
1/15/03 Diana Flores It is a little better than Fast and the Ferious but Ja Rule is so so so so so so so hot in 5 stars
12/20/02 SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
11/21/02 Danielle The movie was pretty good 4 stars
11/20/02 steven seagall i starred in this movie, and even i think it ... 1 stars
11/17/02 Uncle Salty Are you kidding me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? 1 stars
11/15/02 wintermute Don't expect Oz or Lockup - and Seagal really needs to lay off the junk food and cue cards 2 stars
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  15-Nov-2002 (PG-13)



Directed by
  Don Michael Paul

Written by
  Don Michael Paul

  Steven Seagal
  Morris Chestnut
  Matt Battaglia
  Ja Rule

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