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Overall Rating

Awesome: 16.67%
Worth A Look: 9.52%
Just Average: 5.95%
Pretty Crappy: 15.48%

3 reviews, 66 user ratings

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Maid in Manhattan
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Carina Hoskisson

"Every movie that goes by proves Out of Sight was a fluke"
2 stars

Look, I don’t have anything personally against Jennifer Lopez. In fact, I think she has great skin and I sure do love to boogie to “Play” at the club. In general mi chica has great taste in clothes and DAMN did you see that Coach luggage in the LL Cool J video? But a movie is not an LL Cool J video—you can’t just take some fun outfits, a thread-bare plot, add a hot guy and make it work.

Should I even bother recapping the story for you? As if you didn't know. Fine. JLo’s a maid named Marisa in a chi-chi Manhattan hotel. Marisa’s also single mom who commutes from the Bronx (get it? JLo’s from the Bronx!)JLo works at one of those great hotels where the maids don’t have to actually do anything except pretend they’re in a really bad screwball comedy. The maids also get to be clichés! Someday I hope I’m a cliché.

Enter Christopher Marshall (Ralph Fiennes.) Christopher is as WASP as it gets (he wanted to grow up to be a cliché too.) He doesn’t even really seem to want the Senate seat he may or may not be running for.
One thing we do know: Christopher is stupid.
Or maybe Marisa is magical.
Either way, when Marisa is in a maid’s uniform Christopher doesn’t recognize her, but when she’s in a delicious creamy white Dolce & Gabbana Pantsuit, he foams at the mouth. Thank goodness Marisa works at one of those hotels where you can leave in the middle of your cleaning shift and go for a two-hour walk in Central Park with a guest. It’s also lucky that she wore her expensive earrings and good makeup to clean the toilets that day.

I’d like to make the point that I wish I worked with Marisa at that hotel. She makes enough money that when she’s out of work she still gets to wear fancy designer duds. Marisa even uses Esteé Lauder makeup. I’m a manager at an Internet company and I can’t afford Esteé Lauder. Maybe I should go apply at the Super 8.

One of the most poignant parts of the film was the political interaction between Marisa and Christopher. See, she has a problem dating Christopher because he's a Republican. (But she does give her 10-year-old kid the CD’s of the Nixon Tapes: a collection of the most foul-mouthed tirades against any racial, ethnic or religious group in this country. A collection so disgusting it would make a neo-nazi blush, but choosy mom’s choose Nixon for their school kids.) Marisa tells Christopher he’d feel differently about being a Republican if he actually went to the Bronx. I see, Guiliani was a Republican for so long because he's only been to 4 out of 5 boroughs. One hop onto the Six and he would’ve switched. Damn those Republicans and their crafty political shenanigans!

The worst part about the movie was Stanley Tucci, Bob Hoskins, and Natasha Richardson. They almost made Maid bearable to watch. Next time Jlo makes a movie she shouldn’t use A-list talent, it distracts from her cement-mixer acting.* Speaking of acting, Fiennes is so absent from this movie it makes me wonder where he went. Probably setting fire to something or jaunting over to Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s for a quick bite.

The story continues…blah, blah, blah girl loses boy, boy runs for senate, girl and boy give each other another chance, blah, blah, blah.

You’ve seen this movie before when it was called [insert the name of every romantic comedy since 1984 here.] It’s so trite that Two Weeks Notice AND Maid in Manhattan used the SAME Norah Jones songs in their soundtracks. I get huffy if people talk during a movie. Some lady brought seven brats to the theater that talked loudly, ran up and down the aisles during the movie, switched seats...and I didn’t even care. I got my $1.50 worth.

*One disclaimer. Maid in Manhattan features Amy Sedaris, which is the only reason I decided to watch this movie. I shall not cast stones at any member of The Talent Family. That’s just not playing fair.

Maid in Manhattan is hardly romantic and definately not funny. It ends badly. I mean really not well. Do yourself a favor: before you watch this movie take 4 TylenolPM and a Benedryl chaser. It’s perfect for a long winter’s nap.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=6454&reviewer=44
originally posted: 03/17/03 23:04:55
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User Comments

4/14/20 Charles Tatum Fiennes proves he'll do anything for a house payment 1 stars
9/22/15 jamie loved it! Fiennes, Richardson and Hopkins are superb actors so they bring the level way up 5 stars
10/22/09 Rachel I thought this movie was cute. Not the best romantic comedy, but cute nevertheless. 4 stars
1/05/09 Cat Smith One of the worst films I've ever seen. Why is Ralph Fiennes in this? 1 stars
3/01/08 Pamela White old cinderella story reinvented uninspiring 3 stars
11/13/07 ace best part of the show was when it finally ended. it doesn't even deserve a 1 star rating 1 stars
7/11/05 love i love this movie ...maybe because I'm lonely?? 4 stars
1/30/05 Chris This movie is so self important and shallow not to mention bad that its funny 1 stars
9/19/04 angel cute movie, most of u need to losen up & learn how 2 just enjoy a movie! 3 stars
6/05/04 Kevin the worst movie ever. J lo just sucks now, she's fine, but she sucks 1 stars
3/27/04 Jake If this movie were a science expariment, it would be Cernobyl 1 stars
1/23/04 Chloe Brody Ralph...why??? 1 stars
1/01/04 Arlene I think the movie was great all u people that say it's crap you should watch it again cauz 5 stars
12/31/03 HorrorScribbler Boring, plodding, cliched, predictable, contrived ... did I miss any pejoratives? 1 stars
12/31/03 mercie the bitch cant sing nor act,what bullshit 1 stars
10/09/03 Elyssa Beverley I really enjoyed it and thought it was funny Jen your so bueatiful and your my best singer. 5 stars
9/03/03 cedrick watch movie of jlo 3 stars
8/31/03 francis Innocuous fare, rigid acting by Lopez - but pleasant time waster 3 stars
8/29/03 Quen Tran i enjoyed the movie, J.Lo has alot of talent 5 stars
8/25/03 Scizuh I liked the original (1984) Starring Vanessa del Rio 3 stars
8/25/03 Jess4lyf This was the best movie eva!!!!!!!!!! Jennifer Lopez you rule 4 lyf!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
8/15/03 Janice i think you should all be ashamed of your selfs at lest they try to do their best. 5 stars
8/13/03 tweety i think it was one of the best movies 5 stars
8/02/03 Atanu the halfwits who gave it awesome, you're beyond pathetic. 1 stars
7/23/03 krystal mills i loved it 5 stars
6/27/03 Ashley Sousa it was the best and really interesting 5 stars
6/26/03 Nikaelah I only watched it for Ralph. 2 stars
6/23/03 tiffany k. ralph fiennes is a hottie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
5/24/03 cherish I think jlo looks pretty good in alot of movies. 5 stars
5/21/03 fartzrgood DIE CHICK FLICKS!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
4/11/03 Rach Diggity This movie was atrocious. Since when does JLo think she can act? She can barely sing! 1 stars
4/09/03 Heather Purplethorne More like it, JLo! Do more like this and Wedding Planner, no more like Angel Eyes &Enough! 4 stars
4/09/03 Chandel Hey Angelina Joseph...speak English! All of you are just jealous! 4 stars
4/09/03 Angelina Joseph J. lo couldn't get an oscar for her music it sure she is not a good actor that women need 1 stars
4/07/03 brentley Totally Sucks. I only watched it to see Amy Sedaris, & they gave her almost NO scenes. Boo! 1 stars
4/04/03 Chris A sweet romance needed now more than ever. Terrfic in every aspect. 5 stars
4/03/03 utrsweu sssssssssssssss 5 stars
4/02/03 Chandel Very cute movie...it seems like all of you people are jealous! 4 stars
3/26/03 KK J-LO sucks. Any movie with J-Lo as the leading actress tend to be sucks. 1 stars
3/13/03 sara j-lo is pathetically average. i resent supporting her with my movie going 1 stars
3/10/03 Shadaan Felfeli Bad enough to make you want to scuttle the cinema hall. Unbelievably awful ! 1 stars
2/13/03 Andrew Carden Cute, Likable Little Comedy With Good Supporting Performances. 4 stars
2/08/03 The Aussie Film Reviewer Some say J-Lo is misunderstood. I say she's Miss Undertalented. 1 stars
2/07/03 altera888 Im still, im still making movies that blow cock... 1 stars
1/28/03 Im Bored The absolute dregs. Put 'em all in a sack and kick it, you won't hit the wrong one. 1 stars
1/24/03 Angry Black Man This movie was so true to life! I know many maids who've found rich husbands. 1 stars
1/18/03 Die4YourGovt I was gonna give it a Just Average, but I wanna stick with the flow here. It sucks ballsack 1 stars
1/16/03 bullit17 My wife forced me to see it with her. I have since filed for divorce 1 stars
1/16/03 Lindsey Repp Wow, Ben better write her a movie after this load of crap. 1 stars
1/14/03 kitt4film@hotmail.com I loved Ralph Fiennes but not even for him will I pay money to see crap like this!!! 1 stars
1/13/03 Ken This movie J-Blows 1 stars
1/12/03 Timothy Dineen She's still, she's still Jenny making schlock... 1 stars
1/09/03 Mipchunk she can't act, she can't sing, she can't speak... hmm, doorstop anyone? 1 stars
1/08/03 J-Lo isn't even that hot She's nowhere as sexy as she's supposed to, her music sucks and her acting, oh… 1 stars
12/23/02 Dickie Ugh, I wish J-lo would just go away. Flim flam sham of a flick 1 stars
12/22/02 f*r*o*s*t*y Just... boring. Plain boring. 1 stars
12/22/02 go back to the block! Guys go when forced by: wife, gf, or small naive child.I HATE J-Ho, you skank! 1 stars
12/17/02 Verner Interesting to see all the misogyny and hatred. Do guys usually see romantic comedies? 4 stars
12/15/02 Chancey Sugarpants Had to take my J.Lo worhshipping niece to this. Looks like Xmas presents for her this year. 1 stars
12/14/02 Uncle Salty People who pay for this movies should be sterilized. As should those who made it. 1 stars
12/14/02 JCR Liked it a lot 4 stars
12/14/02 Nick J. Most over rated "entertainer" = J.Lo. Even her butt can't save this crappy filck 1 stars
12/13/02 Rick Martinez Ugh Jenny go back to the block. Bad singer and actor a double threat 1 stars
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  13-Dec-2002 (PG-13)



Directed by
  Wayne Wang

Written by
  John Hughes

  Jennifer Lopez
  Ralph Fiennes
  Natascha Richardson
  Di Quon

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