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Scream 3

Reviewed By desdemona
Posted 05/18/00 01:47:14

"Why, oh why, did there have to be a third one?"
1 stars (Sucks)

Okay, I'll admit it. I didn't think the first two Screams were that miserably bad. They had their moments, and there was definitely an element of surprise in each. Granted, they were still teeny-bopper slasher flicks, but they (much like the first few Freddy, Jason, and Halloween movies) were worth watching once. But the third? Oh, sweet Jesus, the third...

Well, Sydney (Neve Campbell) and the gang (remember the dopey officer Dewey played by David Arquette and Gail, the overbearing bitch of a reporter, played by Courtney Cox? They're back) are at it again in this final segment of the Scream trilogy. You've seen the previews: in the trilogy, all bets are off, blah blah blah. Yet this movie on the predictability scale rated off the charts. Oh, you mean the person that went alone into the dark room far away from any of the others after being told the killer is in the house got killed? No!

You would think that after everything that had happened to all these characters, knowing all that they knew, that they would somehow catch on to the fact that they should a) NEVER SEPARATE FROM THE GROUP, b) never go down the stairs into the dark basement, c) never go up the stairs into the dark rooms, d) never run up the stairs when trying to escape the killer, e) never "hide"--the killer ALWAYS finds you when you try to, f) never go anywhere alone, even if just for a second (this is basically a regurgitation of rule (a), but apparently some people need to hear it twice), g) never turn your back to a ground-level window if you've been hearing noises outside or in the house, h) never turn your back on a knife-wielding maniac in a mask, i) never assume you're safe with anyone, j) never try to investigate things (such as a noise heard in the rooms upstairs) by yourself--I really can't stress this enough, k) always carry a gun--if you know there is a killer on the loose and he will quite possibly target you, for the love of humanity carry a gun!!, and so on and so forth. Really, the list of things one should not do when being stalked by a murderer is quite endless, yet people are repeatedly seen breaking these rules in this movie (and all the other Screams and all slasher flicks in general)...and every time one person does, he/she gets whacked. You think they'd learn, but they just keep walking into the dark rooms by themselves like rats in labs following food across an electric field. I'm sorry but they're paying for their stupidity. Survival of the fittest, man. Know and understand the rules of avoiding being hacked into bloody ribbons and you will prevail.

Is plot important? No, not really. Scream 3, much like Scream 2, parallels itself with a movie trilogy called Stab (1, 2, & 3 in production at the start of the film), which are based on the Woodsborough murders of Scream 1 & 2...it's all tied together. Genius. There are several movie puns made that can be seen as taking (and no pun intended here) stabs at the actual movie; and of course there is the expert movie advice--this time, the rules of the trilogy. Yawn. Saw that in the last one.

As for plot, all that needs to be said is someone gets murdered in the same fashion as all the other murders of all the other movies and (*gasp*) we find that they are all somehow connected and (*gasp*) the killer is hunting down Sydney, once again. Yes, once again. Then some more people die, and some other stuff happens, and some people say what are apparently supposed to be cool catch phrases in the spirit of "Hasta la vista, baby," then it ends. There were a few attempts at twists which failed miserably...even the twist at the end (ooh, ooh, who's the killer?) was a bit, well, stupid. Oh, and of course the stupid females with the big breasts get killed off; this should come as no great surprise.

The thing about this movie is that it is painfully self-conscious of its own cheesiness. The acting, the dialogue, the plot, everything about it made the viewer aware that the film makers knew just how corny it was, and they really tried to play on that. Well, Mr. Craven, that worked in Scream 2...but you can't get away with it twice. Talk about beating a horse until it's dead.

And I can only shudder at the acting. Neve had her moments, yet the entire movie was so corny (and by all estimates was trying to be) that even a good performance still would have been entirely lost.

I've seen this movie a thousand times before. Sure, it might have been with different actors, and the scripts might have had a few different catchy lines, but this movie has been done countless times in the past.

Really the best part of this movie was the guest appearance of Jay and Silent Bob. And I'm not exaggerating.

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