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Overall Rating

Awesome: 0%
Worth A Look: 16.67%
Just Average: 0%
Pretty Crappy: 12.96%

4 reviews, 30 user ratings

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Real Cancun, The
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by wintermute

"Do people actually have conversations like that?"
1 stars

The youth of America have spoken, and their common language is 'PARTY!' This sad depiction of middle-American trash attempting to find some meaning in their empty, pathetic lifestyles is good for unintentional hilarity and mind-boggling shallowness of character. But that's about it. Not even any decent nudity!

That's right - director Rick de Oliveira, veteran of such fare as 'Making the Band 2' and 'Who Wants To Be A Playboy Centerfold?' manages to group every last second of nudity into a 3 minute wet-t shirt contest right near the start of the film. No nudity from any cast members, and most disappointing of all, no eccentric cast member who wanders around the hotel in his or her birthday suit.

This film starred Alan and Amber and Ben and Brittany and Casey and David and Heidi and Jeremy and Jorell and Laura and Matt and Nicole and Paul and Roxanne and Sarah and Sky and briefly Snoop Dogg. No, I am not making any of this up.

The forced joie de vivre and 'spontaneity' of the story that almost-but-not-quite unfolds in this movie are as grating as asphalt under a skate-boarders knees. This film is more a study in the sadness of the lonely human being than anything else. These hollow shadows haunt the party spots and beaches of Cancun, not so much reaching but lashing out for temporary companionship as they strive to stay interested in their cast mates and even themselves. The long silences in their conversations where you can see the gears in their brains grind your attention span into a fine dust are not actual indications of deep thought, but are in fact, the first detectable signs of death by stupid.

Cast members reminisce about decades they could not possibly remember, explore binge drinking, and in fact some even fade into the background, never really delivering any lives but constantly appearing in shot after shot, like some kind of creepy bikini-clad Secret Service agents.

In fact, I can only recall two members of the Cancun Borg Collective - (You will party. Resistance is futile) - Casey, the touched by God part animal who seemed to genuinely not notice the camera, even as he fell, drunk and screaming, into a crowded pool, and the dude who look EXACTLY like Iceman from Top Gun - and who scored time and time again in front of his previous conquests. They call him Iceman because that's how he fucks - ice cold, no mistakes.

Never, under any circumstances, view this film alone. Make sure you are with friends who will appreciate the humour of human misery personified in college-age Americans. Make sure you don't bring a date. Make sure you bring some oxygen.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=7565&reviewer=321
originally posted: 05/15/03 15:14:14
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User Comments

9/21/17 morris campbell dul college crowd crap 1 stars
10/15/15 David Hollingsworth Pure unnecessary crap 1 stars
8/29/05 ES EricDSnider says it best, definately an interesting film 4 stars
3/20/05 Abbath Seing people like this make me lose faith in humanity. 1 stars
9/10/04 JonBenet Ramsey's Ghost Ay, Caramba! Seems my would-be college days weren't worth surviving for! 1 stars
3/01/04 blue It's sad because people like this actually exist out there! I HATE MTV!!! 1 stars
12/13/03 movieman bull 1 stars
9/02/03 Rick Just crap 1 stars
7/26/03 viking If you like this kind of crap, grow up and get a life !!!!! 1 stars
7/15/03 Chris Good for a few laughs if nothing else 4 stars
7/13/03 alien assassin I can't wait to see the reissue of "Porky's" on DVD. It least it had a story to it !!!! 1 stars
7/10/03 Katy Funny film, good for a laugh, Alan is hilarious!!! 4 stars
6/09/03 MTV is Satan It was a fiasco in the box office, HA HA HA HA 1 stars
5/30/03 Jenna Furr I kept waiting for something to happen. It didn't. 2 stars
5/30/03 JonBenet Ramsey's Ghost Ay, Caramba! Seems my would-be college days weren't worth surviving for! 1 stars
5/14/03 Zach Never saw it, nerver will. HATE MTV. HATE Real Word. Etc. 1 stars
5/12/03 Todd MTV= Makes Todd Vomit 1 stars
5/07/03 John Lipian Wow! This is one of the most absurdly idiotic and dumb movies ever made! Hooters is better 1 stars
5/06/03 E-Rock I didn't see it. If it's got MTV's name on it, it HAS to be crap. I suggest staying home... 1 stars
5/06/03 leroyjones are u serious...luckily i snuck into the movie so i didnt have to pay to watch this 1 stars
5/05/03 moron this movie would have been better with lesbian hookers 1 stars
5/03/03 Kaonashi I'm glad this movie bombed, because I don't know how I could have lived were it successful. 1 stars
4/30/03 krys movie sucked- I did more in cancun than they did!!!! 1 stars
4/29/03 Dana Carvey must DIE!!! Wouldn't see it if I was payed to, but here's a rating anyway because THIS SHIT MUST STOP! 1 stars
4/29/03 Atanu Its time to say, FUCK the human race. 1 stars
4/26/03 Robb Morpheus A total trash wallow made for morons and 12 year old boys. 1 stars
4/26/03 Bluto McBlurt A case of, well duh! 1 stars
4/25/03 fzsdfsdf SUCKS ASS! 1 stars
4/25/03 Andrew Carden Horrid, Unfunny "Reality" Movie. The Partying Is More Obnoxious Than A Julie Andrews Song. 1 stars
4/25/03 Earl Dittman, Wireless Magazine So you were thinking this was going to be a good film? Shame on you, Space monkeys! Shame! 1 stars
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  25-Apr-2003 (R)



Directed by
  Rick De Olivereira

Written by

  16 horny bastards

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