Overall Rating
  Awesome: 34.71%
Worth A Look: 34.12%
Just Average: 18.82%
Pretty Crappy: 4.71%
Sucks: 7.65%
6 reviews, 134 user ratings
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Batman Returns |
by Bob, Lord of Evil
"You guys just don't understand."

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This is really a movie for dorks like me. Granted, alot of other Batman fans did not dig this movie. I know it, you know it, I move on. But there are those among you who think this was the one movie to really show Batman's humanity accurately. There were flaws to be sure, but I forgive them because of what it did. So what follows is a spoiler filled, comic geek, in depth review of Batman Returns. Oh ye of little stomach, turn back now.Okay, once again, there are tons of spoilers. I need them to prove my point.
Spoilers. Did you read that word? Spoiler.
Spoooooooilers.
Spoilers.
Okay, I'm gonna start now.
Michael Keaton plays the best possible Batman he could. It's amazing how good he is in the role. Like the first one, he never overdoes it, but somehow makes Batman more than a guy in a bat suit, which Kilmer and Clooney both did very well. So, many people complain it was more about the villains than the hero. Let me draw something to your attention- while Batman is an awesome as fuck character, he is defined by his villains. This movie would have gotten boring very fast if Batman had been in more of the movie. I am sure of this.
Pfiefer is Catwoman. I really can't think of a better person to play her. Granted, it was Tim Burton’s Catwoman, and not the cat thief Catwoman, but she was very good none the less. She was sexy, smart, and able to turn on the man through the bat. Impressive, I know. She was perfect. I even dug the costume. It was sexy yet cat like. Meow.
Let me pause this review real quick to address some of the geeks out there who are pissed the costumes aren't the same as the comic. Let me draw to your attention THOSE ARE DRAWING ON A PAPER DIPSHIT. I assure you they would look dorky to the highest degree times three if there real costumes were used. Yep. So enjoy the warrior Batman, and the knitted together Catwoman, and the macabre Penguin. Love it. It kicked ass.
Anyway, onto the spotlight VILLAIN of the flick, the Penguin. In the comic he is a gangster who uses umbrellas to conceal weapons, and wears a tux. in this movie he plays a man freak who lives in the sewers because his parents dumped him there. Who do you like better? I prefer the Dickens version of Penguin personally. More range. If he had been allowed to live, he would've made a twisted mobster.
And that's where my complaint jumps in. The dying thing. And the secret identity thing. Burton has this thing where the chick always learns who Batman really is and the villains always die (except for Catwoman, but still). This is fine for Joe Q public, but for guys like me, you know they bodies never supposed to be found or they get shipped off to Arkham. NOT DIE!!! Damn it.
Uhm, Walken was a cool little addition, who also DIES, but would've made an interesting foil for Bruce Wayne in later movies had he been allowed to get away. Wayne always did need a Luthor to even him out. Ah well, c'est damage.
Anyway, there are other problems with this flick- Penguins vehicle of choice, Selina's return to life, and the penguins doing to a funeral march for the Penguin. These elements were a little hooky for my tastes. but I move on. because some of the scenes in this flick were truly inspired.
Namely, the scenes between Batman and Catwoman. All these scenes alone could've made the movie. But Burton saw that his vision must be compromised by explosions and such, so he gave us the Penguin. You live. You deal. You move on.
I liked this movie. Alot. I like popping it in from time to time just to watch it for fun. Usually, I watch it with the first one, because if Burton had been allowed to have his way, those two would've been companion pieces. Brilliant little chapters in a long book. Oh well, Shitmaker came in and completed fucking up what Warner Bros had already started to. at least we have Batman and Returns to keep us happy...Just a little side not, I will eventually start the new Batman series, and anyone who thinks they will direct it is wrong. For it is mine. MINE DAMN IT, MINE. Thank you.
link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=833&reviewer=150 originally posted: 10/25/99 15:18:09
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USA 19-Jun-1992 (PG-13) DVD: 18-Oct-2005
UK N/A
Australia N/A
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