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Overall Rating

Awesome: 2.63%
Worth A Look: 11.84%
Just Average: 3.95%
Pretty Crappy: 27.63%

7 reviews, 34 user ratings

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by Charles Tatum

2 stars

This eighty three minute live action cartoon is brought to you by Pepsi. Yes, Pepsi, the choice of a new generation. Also, Mountain Dew. Do the Dew! And finally, Doritos...I can't remember what the Doritos tagline is, but they are delicious!

Motorcycle enthusiast and all around annoying gearhead Ford (Martin Henderson) is fresh back from tooling around Thailand, where he spent six months finding himself and hiding out from the law, who want him on drug charges. He looks up his old girlfriend Shane (Monet Mazur), who was harassed by FBI agents McPherson (Adam Scott) and Henderson (Justina Machado) looking for Ford.

Villainous Henry (Matt Schulze) is looking for Ford, trying to get some motorcycles back. Trey (Ice Cube) and his motorcycle gang have just turned down Henry's drug deal, brokered by Trey's ne'er-do-well brother Junior (Fredro Starr), who is promptly killed by Henry. Henry's scary yet still hot Goth girlfriend China (Jamie Pressly) pins the murder on Ford. Ford, his two bland sidekicks whose names I didn't catch, and his equally bland girlfriend are soon on a desert run to Los Angeles, with the cops and Trey's gang hot on their trails.

If you can ignore your pounding headache and make it through this thing, there are some good points. Martin Henderson plays a nice leading man who is not perfect, I was reminded of Kurt Russell in "Big Trouble in Little China." Ice Cube has the best terminal scowl in the business, when he is pissed off, you believe it. Pressly is hot as China in a too small supporting role. Maybe she should have saved her costume and played Catwoman instead of Halle Berry. Adam Scott is a riot as the unorthodox McPherson. But...

Some of the action scenes here must be seen to be believed. Other action scenes are beyond belief, even after being seen. The entire film is like one long video game, where all logic is tossed in favor of tons of impossible stunt work and a simplistic story my seven year old could have dreamed up. It may have helped if I thought the cast and crew were in on a big joke, winking at the audience. There are just too many wasted chances, and too many earnest performances, to make me think we are supposed to take all this lightly. The idiotic product placement could have been played with a la "Wayne's World 2," yet it also seems serious.

In the end, "Torque" is just as loud and annoying as the motorcycles themselves. I found a few diamonds in the rough here and there, but the Excedrin hasn't kicked in yet for me to recommend it. Yes, that's Excedrin, for your toughest headache pain...

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=8475&reviewer=325
originally posted: 08/09/04 13:36:35
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This film is available for download or online viewing at CinemaNow.com For more in the CinemaNow.com series, click here.
For more in the Tatum's Video Grab'nRun series, click here.

User Comments

3/24/18 morris campbell lame for fast & furious fans only 1 stars
8/14/08 Shaun Wallner Boring not worth it! 1 stars
4/03/07 David Pollastrini Not Ice Cube's best work 2 stars
5/12/06 mr.seraph "pretty" movie... but bad story... bad acting... it may look nice... but its a poor movie 2 stars
6/29/05 fiokiee edward minty its ok but the ideal of helopter bikea t the end its speep was too much and the act of the 4 stars
12/30/04 Dan wtf did I just watch? 1 stars
8/09/04 tatum Dumb, but with watchable cast 2 stars
8/06/04 Samurai Z NOT BAD MATE!!! packed with action goodies 4 stars
7/21/04 Ben Krake Torque is the most crapiest movie i have ever seen especially when van deisal's line was us 1 stars
3/30/04 Alex This movie is awesome. It is fast, action packed and so much fun. 5 stars
3/22/04 ILLEGALLY BLONDE Saw it with friends. Couldn't torque 'em out of it. Picks up a little interest toward end. 3 stars
3/15/04 Graeme Cowie This is the biggest load of bollocks I have seen ever! 1 stars
2/12/04 too-much-coffee-man what exactly about the ads alone doesn't scream, "Avoid this!"? 1 stars
2/07/04 MelissaNYC Movies like Torque were made for MaRIa - loud and dumb. 1 stars
2/04/04 Tabularas This Film sucks! There are lazy impossible stunts and no logic in it. Spare your money!!!! 1 stars
1/27/04 Chloe Brody Pieces of horse shit is more entertaining than this 1 stars
1/26/04 MaRIa i reckon it was maaaad worth ur money ppl dont woryy bout the other gyes saying it was gayi 5 stars
1/25/04 JEN I loved this movie i thought it was very cool 4 stars
1/22/04 Jestyr i went expecting a bad movie...and i still thought i got ripped off. 1 stars
1/20/04 Betty White Not as bad as you'd think. Breathtaking action scenes almost make up for the lousy script. 3 stars
1/19/04 Shaun stupid and obnoxious 1 stars
1/19/04 Todd I feel like I've been gang raped by everyone involved in this movie. 1 stars
1/18/04 Stephen Spielborg Even I could make a better movie. 1 stars
1/18/04 Chango Not as bad as Attack of the Clones, but not all that great. Winter popcorn flick. 3 stars
1/17/04 MetallicA Does the producer of XXX and the fast and the furious mean anything? 1 stars
1/17/04 Shawn stupid, extremely fake, save your $$$ 1 stars
1/17/04 Brian ugh... 1 stars
1/16/04 Idiot DON'T WRIST YOUR MONEY 1 stars
1/16/04 Nikolai You just don't get it. It's not an emotion it's a word. The screener is hiding WMDs 1 stars
1/16/04 J This movie is retarded! No Star is deserved 1 stars
1/14/04 Joe Blow Horrible digital effects due to apparent lack of qualified stunt people. Typical garbage. 1 stars
1/11/04 Stu Looks bloody shitful - wouldn't bother wasting my time. 1 stars
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  16-Jan-2004 (PG-13)
  DVD: 18-May-2004



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