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Awesome: 17.74%
Worth A Look: 23.12%
Just Average: 21.51%
Pretty Crappy: 10.22%

6 reviews, 150 user ratings

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Resident Evil
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by Doug Bentin

"Itís never too late to kick a loser."
1 stars

Film enthusiasts who are far more generous than I say that watching even the worst movies is worthwhile because you can learn from them how not to make a picture. I'm not that optimistic. I've seen "Resident Evil."

This is another movie adapted from a computer game, and looks it. Characters spend the entire running time of the picture walking down corridors, on the lookout for flesh-eating zombies--humans and dogs--to leap out at them. Whatever happened to those old fashioned movie zombies who were just dumb re-animated corpses you could use to mow your lawn and stumble along a treadmill to turn the big grinding wheel down on the sugar plantation?

Alice, who may be some kind of secret agent but can't be sure because she has amnesia--which is as common in movies as stubbed toes are in real life--awakens to find herself in a weird mansion. Then she and some soldier types take a train, which they catch under the mansion, to a secret subterranean lab called "The Hive." All this unreal estate is owned by a huge corporation called The Umbrella, which is into illegal biological and viral testing.

Someone has released into the ventilation system an air-born virus that kills living beings and then re-animates them as zombies. Alice and her crew, one of whom may be the person who unleashed the virus, have to shut down the Hive's central computer system, The Red Queen, before the zombies gnosh down on them and/or the virus escapes. Sounds like a game, huh?

The problem is, it looks like one, too, but a game you can only watch someone else play. You have no control over the joystick, so if you enjoy leaning over the shoulder of the guy playing the game watching him machinegun zombies, boy, have I got a movie for you.

Director Paul W.S. Anderson, who is proving over and over again to be so talentless, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp may someday make a movie about him, takes writing credit for this. I guess someone had to and if the director gets credit for the good ones, he has to assume responsibility for stinkers like this one, too. Or maybe Anderson just drew the short straw.

Whatever, he may be the new king of concept pictures that, in execution, don't live up to their pitches. He has no style of his own, relying solely on tricks of the creepshow trade that were being parodied by the Bowery Boys.

During the gang's downward journey in the Hive, everything that can squeak, squeal or slam--and some things that can't--does. Every dark shadow will hide a zombie or, better yet, an innocent person who will suddenly leap into the light to scare the bejeezus out of the guy who is standing there, just waiting for it. This sudden movement, which every junior high kid who makes amateur horror movies with a camcorder will anticipate, will be accompanied by a crashing chord on the soundtrack.

This will not happen once or twice. This wheeze will be displayed more often than bouncing boobs in one of those 1950s nude volleyball movies. Actually, those volleyball movies had better plots. Well, no they didn't, but at least they didnít have characters who entered totally dark rooms and then walked around backwards, either.

Milla Jovovich, who used to have a chance at a respectable career, stars as Alice. She pouts a lot and frequently looks as if she suspects one or more of her colleagues of being Not What They Appear To Be, but mostly she just flashes a well-shaped leg at us, a bit of low-octane cheesecake for the Laura Croft crowd, and blasts the undead into pieces with some fancy artillery. In some circles, this is known as "acting."

Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, Martin Crewes and Colin Salmon make up most of the rest of the zombie fodder. Only Michelle Rodriguez, who I hope has fired the agent who talked her into this zombie jamboree, shows any significant skill as Rain, the tough girl who gets bitten and needs to locate the antidote before she too becomes a killer zombie.

The music, such as it is, is by Marco Beltrami, and if you need any further reason to avoid "Resident Evil," he was assisted by Marilyn Manson.

It's been said that no one sets out to make a bad movie. Maybe it depends on one's definitions of "bad" and "movie." But it's simply not possible to imagine that anyone connected with "Resident Evil" thinks it's a good movie, so they have to be thinking cynically that it's a bad one but that it will make money.

If the MPAA has to produce ratings for films, maybe they should warn potential viewers not just that pictures like this one contain profanity and lots of violence, but that the intellectual and artistic levels are so low, anyone who is smart enough to figure out how to play "Resident Evil" the computer game is going to be way too intelligent to enjoy "Resident Evil" the movie.

link directly to this review at https://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=898&reviewer=405
originally posted: 09/08/05 17:10:38
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Trilogy Starters: For more in the Trilogy Starters series, click here.

User Comments

1/21/12 Velociraptor Awsome 5 stars
5/15/11 stephen nettles Entertaining 3 stars
1/01/10 art A GREAT DOOMSDAY FILM! 4 stars
10/14/08 Shaun Wallner Thought this was a good film. 4 stars
10/31/07 Luis This movie sucked. Everything about it is wrong!!! 1 stars
7/22/07 santos renteria harry pothead and THE ODER OF PHEONIX sucked ass the good part was at end 1 stars
4/22/07 Chris N The only way paul anderson will be forgiven is if he legally changes his name to A. Douche 1 stars
1/06/07 Stephen Its a good movie with monsters from the game, and on top of that a great feel. 4 stars
11/23/06 David Pollastrini great action 3 stars
5/12/06 mr.seraph i quite likes this movie... but there is deffinately room for imporvement 3 stars
3/01/06 Steven Lewis Not like the game but interesting concept. 3 stars
10/26/05 chris a reasonable effort but it lacks gore the old movies ahd that this dosnt 3 stars
10/23/05 Raul Valdez It was pretty good especially compared to most video game movies. 5 stars
10/21/05 cypress Alot better than I expected it would be, some good action scenes. 4 stars
10/18/05 Eden Nothing like the superior game, terrible in every way 1 stars
10/10/05 Indrid Cold Actually not that bad. More than a few thrills despite the MTV/video game feel to it. 3 stars
9/30/05 ShabbaRanks This should have been called RESIDENT AVERAGE. 3 stars
9/20/05 Eric Fortune I hate video game movies. 2 stars
9/20/05 Carolyn Rathburn It was a good movie, not really what I had expected 4 stars
9/03/05 Eden Awful film - the computer games were better in every way 1 stars
9/03/05 Tom Burns An entertaining movie. Some good thrills too. 5 stars
8/25/05 Termite Very, very, very, very...bland and mediocre. A zombie film with no teeth...meh... 3 stars
7/23/05 Eric This is one of the best movies i've ever seen and i can't believe anyone would'nt like it. 5 stars
7/17/05 Brandy Harrington Awful acting, direction, story, character devlopment...I could go on and on. 1 stars
6/25/05 DennyRoss Great action & cast, slick production, soundtrack & effects. But lacking in zombie factor. 4 stars
6/10/05 Manu Ginobli Fucking fuck. 1 stars
6/09/05 Indrid Cold Actually not so bad. I can see why Anderson is still given $ to make movies. 3 stars
2/11/05 J. Elaine Greenup Not scary 2 stars
2/08/05 nannette ryan I really enjoyed this movie. It was very action packed 4 stars
1/31/05 New Jersey Rules This movie was absolute shit, a disgrace to the games. 1 stars
1/13/05 Al Guy It was good as an action movie. 4 stars
1/11/05 Ron Newbold I thought I really liked it...then I watched it a second time 3 stars
11/13/04 X $ % & ! Nothing scary, except for some awful acting and lame effects. 1 stars
11/07/04 BIG EYES I WHACH 2 MUCH TV 3 stars
10/23/04 simba best thriller movie i ever seen, usually hate em 5 stars
10/03/04 albert awesome 5 stars
9/11/04 Adam Brown THIS MOVIE WAS AWESOME AND BETTER THAN THE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
8/27/04 whatevr I hope the sequel is better (long shot) 3 stars
8/25/04 American Slasher Goddess Has a nice pace to it and a great score, but suffers from a lack of gore and wooden acting. 2 stars
8/24/04 Agent Sands Nice final shot, a few other good moments, but dialogue & Rodriguez naturally grow tedious. 3 stars
8/21/04 Tyrantis A guy gets scrached by a licker and becomes Nemesis? What the FUDGE? 1 stars
8/14/04 Anthony G it was ok, wtf Paul Anderson make better movies faggot! 3 stars
8/07/04 Jack One of the best video game adaptations I've seen. Decent acting and directing. 4 stars
6/01/04 :( dissapointing 3 stars
5/24/04 Scarface Stupid plot and minimal gore. Crap cash in on awesome game. 1 stars
5/14/04 Tanya Enjoyed the game full of of wonderful graphics and a great storyline!!! Movie was alright. 5 stars
3/30/04 American Slasher Goddess Wooden acting and no gore, keep it from becoming a gulity pleasure. 2 stars
3/20/04 robert the film is brillaint, you are of your head 5 stars
3/19/04 Nannette This was a pretty good action packed movie 4 stars
3/18/04 Cary Gordon I thought it was fun, if not particularly deep. 4 stars
3/18/04 Umbrella Corporation. What?... Just because we make the zombies... Okay! Okay! The sequeal will be better!!!!!!!! 3 stars
2/08/04 Whatevr Won't there EVER be a good video game movie? 2 stars
1/26/04 Eric Good cast except for the cop.It needed Ramiro's touch 4 stars
1/09/04 Robert Gravelin i loved all of it ... you never know it could happen 5 stars
12/30/03 Jason Maine What the fuck is this??!! This embarasses the awesome game! This sucks, dont watch it! 1 stars
12/05/03 john kind of boring - bad as a horror film - worse as an action movie - too slick! 1 stars
12/03/03 Heaven's Justice I liked how they started it, giving the audience amnesia, but that's its only good part 3 stars
11/09/03 Alan Layton Except for a hokey monster, AWESOME! 5 stars
11/04/03 American Slasher Goddess Wooden acting and hardly any gore, but it does move at a brisk pace and you never bored. 2 stars
10/14/03 Sammy I love the game, and (other than some falty scripting) I love the movie 5 stars
10/13/03 Gary GREAT!! Can't wait for RE2 5 stars
9/23/03 anna RE shows how to make a great popcorn flick without fucking up the source 5 stars
9/17/03 Samuel Justus great prequel to the first video game! good special FX too! 5 stars
9/07/03 Jack It's a pretty good movie for a video game takeoff; one of the better I've seen. Watch it. 4 stars
9/02/03 Charles Tatum Solid; and no, I never played the damn game 4 stars
9/02/03 Dawn Not bad for a video game movie. Just don't expect anything special. 4 stars
8/02/03 LeoH Makes the video game look like The Illiad in comparison. 2 stars
7/26/03 J Resident Evil is good. Especially the dogs, zombies, and that thing that is skinless. 4 stars
6/13/03 Alice What the hell did they do with the game! Stuck with the story damnit !! 1 stars
6/10/03 Lil The movie is okay~Check ouy the game 3 stars
6/04/03 Dan_A A decent action flick 3 stars
6/03/03 ThE DiCk This movie is fucking awesome, best movie that comes the best to any game out there. 5 stars
5/24/03 Bloody Vixen Enough to make me swear of the game! 4 stars
5/13/03 Goofy Maxwell About as evil as Marvin the Martian--"Oh no, now I must make more zombies." 2 stars
4/07/03 silvercheetah14 Good action, but should have stuck with original story. Really! 4 stars
2/19/03 Dave A stupid film, but very entertaining. 3 stars
2/15/03 scott GREAT 5 stars
2/15/03 Colin Makes the Misadventures Of HJason Vorhees Look Like Shakesphere 1 stars
2/15/03 steph argh....in a word, CRAP. 1 stars
2/09/03 FcPoliFan It's a mediocre, still interesting zombie movie. 4 stars
2/03/03 Jim No plot, mediocre acting, you call that an ending?! Still, a few decent scenes ... 3 stars
12/26/02 Gruther Milla inna shift 3 stars
12/04/02 FizzyLizzy Pretty cool film. Vicious you shouldn't even say that coz you don't even know Paul Anderson 5 stars
11/22/02 Massacree Hmmm...And this is suposed to be a HORROR MOVIE? Hell,even Scary Movie is scarier than this 3 stars
11/11/02 Susan 16/f/scotland (once again :D) OMG!!! you lot hav something in common....a bad taste in films. I total loved the RE movie! 5 stars
11/04/02 Vicious movie sucked. anderson is a hack. KILL PAUL WS ANDERSON NOW! 1 stars
11/03/02 kooler If this flick had some bigger names in it, it would've been a box-office smash. Lotta fun. 4 stars
11/01/02 Timmy D Why can't you people just accept this flick for what it is and enjoy it? 4 stars
10/23/02 Jiz Pointless cinematic sludge. Predictable as hell. And they're making a sequel! Can't wait! 1 stars
9/26/02 John McNew Occasionally funbut witless and poorly done (2 out of 4 stars) 2 stars
9/02/02 Spencer Harris That movie kicked ASS!!!the zombies were awesome.Michelle Rodriguez was so freaking HOT!!!! 5 stars
8/28/02 Hessian Better than I expected. At least you get to see Jovovich's tits. so not a compleat loss. 3 stars
8/27/02 Susan (again) :) (susiestar85@hotmail.com) The film WASN'T a disgrace! You ppl are just cant accept true talent! Paul done a great job 5 stars
8/18/02 .Choadushouse. Action scenes well done. Hot actresses. But the script blew! It's a disgrace to the games! 3 stars
8/17/02 Ross Terrible... a disgrace to the series 1 stars
8/12/02 Danielle Ophelia The filmmakers' intentions were in the right place...if their brains and balls weren't. 4 stars
8/10/02 Cleo rodriguez kicks ass,,,,, why did she have to die!! 4 stars
8/05/02 Lexy Z. Just what I wanted. Jovovich stuns as she slays. 4 stars
8/04/02 archeron Some bright points overall. Remember this is a horror film, NOT Gone With The Wind! 3 stars
7/31/02 spyguy2 Nothing special, crappy CGI, weak script, Jovovich and Rodriguez look pretty sexy though! 3 stars
7/25/02 ryan Film guy you suck assbag, it was awesome 5 stars
6/27/02 Film Guy Total Shit 1 stars
6/06/02 Sulvitheil Zombies pursued by no-less zombied "heros". Pointless film, go-nowhere ending. 1 stars
5/23/02 Jimbo Loved it 4 stars
5/13/02 Darth Haggis Next time follow the original story! This movie was stupid 1 stars
5/12/02 Dark Baron The mansion replica is great... WHY NO JILL VALENTINE??? 4 stars
5/12/02 This movie is great if you grab an ale or two whilst watching it 4 stars
4/30/02 Rod Williams An uncut version of this movie may be released on DVD. Cut for the US R-rating yet again!!! 3 stars
4/29/02 Shane Robert Myers Good but, not great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 stars
4/28/02 David A. Really classy remake of "Night of the Living Dead!" Keep those zombies coming! 5 stars
4/28/02 Phoenix A very solid video game adaption of great video games. 5 stars
4/19/02 sdfsdfsd Obi-Wan- The movie is rated R, not PG-13. It still sucks 2 stars
4/04/02 Obi Wan Hmm,the game is Rated R, but the movie is PG13 and sucks Rosanne ass, play da game nextime 1 stars
4/04/02 Edfink Lombardo In its element, this film is excellent...Knows what it is: gory and fun...it hits the mark 5 stars
3/30/02 Film Dude Could have been so much better... DAMN YOU, PAUL ANDERSON!!! 2 stars
3/30/02 Film Guy HOLY SHIT did this suck 1 stars
3/29/02 max zhang Capcom -- Take $$$ made from movie & make next game BETTER 1 stars
3/27/02 Anus Lame assed dialogue like Anal Fantasy spolied the movie 3 stars
3/27/02 malcolm a fun gorefest, pretty much a ripoff of "Night of the Living Dead" 3 stars
3/26/02 Nyartholep Ehh. about what I was expecting. 3 stars
3/25/02 Ivory Terrifying 2D movie, but what can I say...I was only there for Milla 4 stars
3/25/02 Pinback This movie shot for being a terrifying, but forgot to load the gun. 1 stars
3/25/02 David A. Really good remake of NIght of the Living Dead. The special effects alone are worth seeing! 5 stars
3/25/02 Paul Waits Didn't do as much as the game. 4 stars
3/24/02 J. Lyons Just another zombie flick 3 stars
3/23/02 Dave MacDougall Haha....a pathetic rip-off of far superior sci-fi horror flicks! A waste of time. 2 stars
3/23/02 nick wiszynski this movie is much more enjoyable if you have played all of the video games 4 stars
3/22/02 Asina Man, EricDSnider sure is a shitty film critic....I should be writing for HBS, damnit! 3 stars
3/22/02 strider3700 zombie movies are good, but this needs more gore 4 stars
3/21/02 Nicholas Perry "I could kiss you, bitch!" 5 stars
3/20/02 TheTalkingElbow It wasn't corny like most video game to movie translations, and overall kicked ass. 5 stars
3/20/02 Nightwing It was about time!!! A fucking good video game movie!!! All the others sucks balls 5 stars
3/19/02 carlos it sucked hit i was busy though fuvcking my g/f though so i couldnt see it all 1 stars
3/19/02 n6ko craptacular 1 stars
3/18/02 Justin Simpson Was more then I expected. 4 stars
3/18/02 kishuta Fun and Enjoyable. 4 stars
3/17/02 Jasper Corrigan I have to agree with Erik. This movie sucks every ass within a 5 mile radius 1 stars
3/17/02 RazorDog If you liked House on Haunted Hill & 13 Ghosts you will like this. 4 stars
3/16/02 siro Why, oh WHY didn't they let George Romero do this???Wasn't THAT, bad but still unimpressive 3 stars
3/16/02 K y L e Not a bad zombie flick. 5 stars
3/16/02 The Bomb 69 Erik is nuts, although there were a few cheesy parts, this prequel was well made!!! 5 stars
3/16/02 MaG The bush...gotta love the bush 4 stars
3/16/02 zero182 unless you're a zombie yourself, this movie is lame. cgi licker is laughable. u r warned 2 stars
3/16/02 Superdave I'm sorry, this guy, Erik dosen't know what he's talking about, the movie rocks. 5 stars
3/15/02 GayArse JMovie sucks 1 stars
3/15/02 john better than half of that academy award winning crap 5 stars
3/01/02 Alan Smithee I got to see a sneak preview of this, and it was surprisingly decent with some cool gore. 4 stars
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  15-Mar-2002 (R)
  DVD: 07-Sep-2004



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