Star Trek 5: The Final FrontierReviewed By Steve in Prague
Posted 06/17/02 07:00:47
Coulda shoulda woulda...3 words that apply to this "movie" It coulda been good, It shoulda been good, it woulda killed you to sit through itWilliam Shatner's directorial debut makes Kevin Costner seem like Kurosawa. Everything that a director can do wrong, Shatner does, and in the process takes a pretty damn good plot idea and turns it into the WTC Disaster of science fiction.
The plot: Spock's half brother (funny, they never mentioned him during the Star Trek series) has *gasp* broken away from the party hearty wear our hearts on our sleeves (BTW this is called SARCASM kiddies) Vulcan society to wander the galaxy as a sort of travelling prophet (like Muhammed...oh great, NOW I have a jihad declared on me from the guy in the next cubicle). Anyway, Sybok (Laurence Luckinbill Cocktail, Messenger of Death, Freedom to Speak believes that GOD lives in the center of the Galaxy, a place no ship has ever returned from (so how does he know God is there HMMMMM???) He hijacks the Enterprise in the WORST "hijackers take over a starship" scene I have ever seen.
During this Sybok likes screw with people's minds by Vulcan mind melding with them and forcing them to confront their most unbearable pain. He has Dr.McCoy relive the death of his father, where it turns out McCoy pulled the plug on the old geezer THE DAY BEFORE A CURE WAS DISCOVERED FOR HIS ILLNESS. HAHAHHAHA sucks to be you!!!
Of course, they are chased by Klingons all the way, because Sybok it seems started his little revolution on a place called "The Planet of Intergalactic Peace" BWAHAHAHHA. Trust me, this planet was about as peaceful as Northern Ireland after a Celtic/Rangers game. The Klingons are pissed (as usual).
So, and they NEVER explain how, The Enterprise makes it to the center of the galaxy, despite the fact no ship can supposedly survive the radiation but I guess if your ship has the name "Enterprise" painted on it, it can survive anything. I swear the Enterprise is the "Yamato" of Star Trek (Anime reference) it can survive anything.
Oh and the Klingon ship also makes it through, again they never explain how or why, I guess the whole "gee no ship can survive the trip" thing is a bunch of bullshit RIGHT MR. SHATNER DIRECTOR SIR!?!?!?!?
Anyway, where as I, oh yeah, this shitty movie. So the crew finds a planet at the center of the galaxy and on this planet is...well...God...we think its God anyway...it looks like Charleton Heston so it must be God...so the crew confront God and OOPPSS God makes a boo-boo. He doesn't know who Dr.McCoy is...shouldn't God know who EVERYONE is??????? Clever Capt.Kirk is the ONLY ONE WHO REALIZES THIS!!!!!!
God tells the crew he wants to take the Enterprise and use it as a chariot to "spread his word throughout the Galaxy". Kirk then utters the ONLY good line in this movie, and indeed probably the greatest line in ANY Star Trek vehicle:
"Why does God need a starship?"
OOOOHHHH the IRONY!!!!!
God gets pissed and starts to go all Biblical.
John 3:24 "Ye shall NOT pisseth thy God off or he willith fry your arse"
But Sybok saves the day, as do the Klingons who decide God is worse then the United Federation of planets and blast his beard with photon torpedos.
The two crews all make nice at the end and have a huge human/Klingon orgy...ok, THAT would have made the movie better but I guess we have to wait for the directors (BWAHAHAHAH Shatner) cut.
Well whats wrong here...pretty much everything...there are plot holes you could fly two jumbo jets through. How does Sybok know about this "god"? They never explain that..How do the ships survive the trip to the center of the galaxy after EMPHATICALLY stating throughout the movie that no ship can and the federation has already tried? How did the "god" creature come to be on that planet? Who does that planet happen to have oxygen so the crew can beam down unprotected? If Sybok is so dangerous how come the Vulcans didn't just go get him?
The acting is your standard Star Trek fare, none of the cast is either good or bad, they just go through the motions. However, Nichelle Nichols (Lt Uhura) DOES get to do an exotic feather dance...all i can say is "JENNY CRAIG WOMAN!!".
Laurence Luckinbill, an underrated actor with a long history, gives his best as Sybok but he doesn't have much to work with. Of course, Shatner has all the key scenes, gee I wonder WHY?? (Hint: he directed).
The movie is visually impressive, as is the score by Jerry Goldsmith. But this cannot be saved by the butchering of what could have been a great story by Shatner, Harve Bennett, and David Loughery.
On a side note: while visiting a Star Trek website I learned that Sean Connery was oroginally tapped to play the "God" creature at the end, and agreed to do it but Paramount balked at his fee. Its a shame because his mere presence would have improved this film.Great idea, horrible execution, and hopefully Mr.Shatners ONLY forray into big time directing.
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